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Alexander Campbell
Memoirs of Elder Thomas Campbell (1861)

THOMAS CAMPBELL'S DIARY,

ANNO DOMINI, 1800.


      THAT our readers may form their own judgment of the character and spirit of Father Campbell, we present to them a specimen of his diary, which he kept for some period of his early life in the Christian in ministry. This diary, now over sixty years old, reveals much of the mind and the character of its subject and author in one personality.


      Sabbath, June 1st, 1800.--This day very weak, both in body and mind. Slept long this morning. Very dull and heavy in prayer, both in secret and public. The prevalent carnality of the last week has prevailed much this day. I have reason to bless God I have not felt so much concern For public approbation, nor such strong emotions of self-conceit as formerly; but, alas! what weakness and timidity in publicly reproving the violators of the holy Sabbath. Is not this want of love? Lord God, grant to me more abundantly the spirit of zealous piety and charity, and make me more faithful.{1} [194]

      Monday, June 2d.--This day engaged in public services; tolerable in health, and somewhat comfortable in mind, and sensibly concerned for the state of the congregation, and for the success and proper management of the approaching fast solemnities.{2}

      June 3d.--Blessed be God for any symptoms of good from his gracious presence. Lord bless and pity us; shine on us with thy face. Resolved, in the strength of his grace, to study a life of lively, realizing faith, and of habitual spirituality.

      Wednesday, June 4th.--Spent this day in study, with tolerable composure; but, alas! not with that devotional frame of mind that should accompany such exercises.{3}

      Resolved that I will endeavor after a more devout and spiritual manner of preparation for public services. That I will be more particular in imploring the Divine direction in choosing subjects for the Divine presence and illumination in studying, and for the application of it to myself, as well as for ability and success in the delivery of it. May the Lord pity and direct me in all things!

      Thursday, June 5th.--Spent this day in public services; [195] preached with some degree of freedom prayed with some degree of enlargement--blessed be God. But, alas! suddenly lost all comfort and liveliness through my cursed self-conceit and incautious security. I desire to be humbled for my abominable self-conceit and sacrilegious self-seeking. May the good Lord graciously pardon. Resolved to watch and pray, and to live in the constant exercise of faith, and to cultivate humility, self-denial, and Christian sympathy.{4} [196]

      Friday, June 6th.--Spent this day in study, with great barrenness; little spirituality or love; feel a sense of the deep depravity of my heart before God. I desire to lie in the dust at his feet, and even to feel his precious mercy as lifting me up. [197]

      That, I may be low in mine own eyes, and forever ascribe free, saving, abundant mercy unto my God, Lord Jesus reveal thyself in me, manifest thyself to me; make me strong through thy strength. I do heartily and forever resign myself to thee, as the fruit of thy purchase. "Into thy hands [198] I do commit my spirit, O thou Jehovah, God of truth, who hast redeemed me."

      Saturday, June 7th.--This is a day of holy convocation with us at Ahorey. How shall I walk before the Lord and before his people! How, alas! is my mind debased and weakened with the habitual care and consideration of mean, trifling, worldly concerns!

      O that I had wings like a dove, then would I flee away and be at rest. Then would I rise above this debasing carnality of disposition, to the contemplation of the glorious Lord, his works and ways. I will go in the name and strength of the Lord, leaning upon his mercy for pardon, for acceptance and assistance, in the endeavored exercise of faith, penitential humility, watching, and prayer. May the good Lord accept, direct, and assist me in the undertaking, and seal me for himself till the day of complete redemption. Amen!

      Sunday and Monday, June 8th and 9th.--These days employed in public services.

      Notwithstanding many interruptions, and much imbecility of mind and body, enabled to go through with the work with some degree of propriety of composure, and, I hope, of spiritual advantage, both to myself and to others. Glory to God!

      I see, more and more, the necessity of self-denial, holy vigilance, of devotedness to God, of deep humility, of relying always as a worthless, helpless, guilty sinner, upon the free sovereign mercy of God in Christ, for pardon, acceptance, and assistance in everything.

      Resolved, through grace, as much as possible, to give myself up unreservedly to His work, to seek His glory. Amen! [199]

      Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, June 12th.--These days weak in health--I may say both of body and mind. Nothing worthy of note occurs. It appears an awful time of prevalent security and of prevalent judgment; a sort of lowering calm before a storm. Be it my study to watch and pray.

      Friday and Saturday, June 13th and 14th.--These days, very dull and heavy, weak and sickly, both in body and mind; partly exercised with an awful apprehension of my extreme guilt and vileness before God. I can never open my mouth any more but in the language of deep humiliating self-abasement, as the last, the least, the vilest, the most undeserving of all.

      Sunday, June 15th.--This day much as usual; weak and sickly in the morning. Mercifully assisted, I hope, this day in enduring the fatigue of the public work, as well as in speaking upon the different subjects, though with very little preparation.

      I think I received some help and encouragement from an evening conversation with a few of the elders. I closed this day more comfortably than I have done any for many days past, being made more clearly to see that when the sinner is visited in the Divine mercy with the enlightening, convincing influence of the Gospel, so as to be deeply convinced and humbled under a just apprehension of his guilt, vileness, and depravity; and of the nature and design of the great salvation, of Divine grace, through the meritorious influence of the Divine mediation of our Lord Jesus Christ.

      That in making application, under these views and impressions, to the sin-pardoning mercy and grace of God in Christ, earnestly desiring deliverance from the guilt and depravity of sin, in order to a life of holiness, he is, ipso facto, justified and accepted; and ought to know and believe this to be so according to the Scriptures; to the glory and praise of God, and for his own furtherance and consolation.

      May I henceforth praise his name who hath given me to [200] know this, and in the faith of his holy promise for pardon, acceptance, and assistance in every duty, may I abound more and more in all fruitfulness, to the glory of the riches of his grace in Christ Jesus, world without end. Amen.

      Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, June 18th.--Spent these days as usual, in the ordinary business of my calling; nothing specially interesting occurring. My mind rather low and inactive in spiritual exercises.

      On Tuesday evening I had a word of sermon at Widow Hutchinson's, for the purpose of baptizing the child of her son. I have reason to be thankful for the liberty and recollection of thought and speech I enjoyed on that occasion. In conversing with some of the members after sermon, I was enabled to insist much upon the necessity of real religion as consisting in these three great branches: of piety, justice, and charity. Salvation, as exhibited to us in the Gospel, may be justly termed both conditional and unconditional.

      1st. Unconditional, as it respects the free pardon and acceptance of the sinner, without requiring any degree of moral improvement to qualify for it, but is all of mere mercy and grace to the poor, lost, guilty, vile, wretched sinner.

      2d. Conditional, as no man can be saved without giving himself up to the teaching of God's holy word and Spirit, denying his corrupt self, and following the example and precepts of the gracious Redeemer; in short, "without holiness no man shall see the Lord."

      [NOTE.--Reason forbids men to do wrong, but the reason of a miser prompts him to do anything that will increase his treasure; for his reason is alienated, and the reason of this is his covetousness. " The love of money is the root of all evil."]

      Thursday and Friday, June 20th.--Spent these days as usual in the business of teaching, both at home and abroad. I have great reason to lament the deadness, inactivity, and dreary barrenness of my mind in spiritual things. I have been inquiring how this may be removed and prevented. The [201] cause appears twofold: 1st. The mind engaging itself too much in inferior concerns. 2d. The partial neglect of the appointed means of spirituality, such as frequent prayer, reading, etc.

      Resolved, through grace, to give myself more up to spiritual exercises, and less to worldly thoughts than hitherto. Surely his grace, in the due use of the appointed means, will be sufficient for me, and his strength manifested in my weakness. Amen.

      Saturday and Sunday, June 22d.--These days somewhat better in health than usual.

      Engaged in studying and expounding the necessity of holiness, or the inseparable connection of. faith and works, from Acts x, on the character of the devout centurion; and James ii: 13, of the inutility of faith without works. Resolved, accordingly, to exercise myself unto godliness, in all the appointed exercises of piety and charity. To adopt the apostle's motto, and seek to act from his principle, viz.: "The life that I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." I have still deep reason to lament my spiritual deadness, and neglect of spiritual means.

      Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, June 25th.--On the first of those days, at Presbytery. Not very spiritual during public worship, nor suitably grave in Presbytery. O! that I could refrain my speech, and maintain due composure and solemnity of thought. I lose myself, and am often hurt by hilarity, or by much speaking, in the way of showing my own opinion, except the subject be very practical.

      On Wednesday very dull and stupid. What a dark ground of insensibility and unsympathizing apathy in one of the most delicate and affecting situations imaginable. And, O! how indevout.

      But, notwithstanding all my complicated unworthiness, how gracious has the Lord been to me and my family this day, [202] in increasing it with a daughter, and in preserving the mother in the hour of her distress and danger; granting both a speedy and safe delivery. Glory to his name! This effect of thy gracious goodness and power shall be, through thy grace, devoted to thee. "For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, world without end. Amen."

      O! accept of me, and of this fresh dedication I desire to make of myself and of my family to thee.

      Thursday, Friday, and, Saturday, June 28th.--The first of these days employed in my ordinary business of tuition and family affairs. Afternoon of Friday, made an occasional visit to --------, for preaching and conference. I felt most wretchedly deficient in preparation, and also in conducting myself with proper solemnity after the proposed business was over. Resolved, through grace, to be more cautious and vigilant upon all such occasions, for the future, in obedience to that most necessary admonition of the great apostle: "Let not your good be evil spoken of." O Lord, forgive, and in mercy prevent such mismanagement. Amen.

      Saturday spent partly in study. I have great reason to be thankful that the Lord has not utterly frowned upon me and overwhelmed me with distress, to which I have justly exposed myself by my provoking mismanagement of his work. Glory to his name! He has not hidden the sweetness and savory apprehensions of great Gospel privilege from my mind and heart. I humbly hope thou wilt continue to support me with thy great mercy. I desire to be thine, to devote myself wholly to thee. Give power, O Lord, to fulfill my purpose. Help, Lord, this night and to-morrow. Abundantly bless me in thy work. Reject not, O Lord, my prayer, nor my weak confidence, Thou shalt prevent me with thy tender mercies.

      Sabbath and Monday, June 30th.--I have reason to be thankful for the support and liberty I enjoyed in public exercises of the day. Monday, rather dull. Sad experience of mistrust and carnality, on my return from Richhill. What [203] a prevalent preponderancy of heart toward the world. Not that I think or judge these present transitory trifles to be at all comparable to the glorious things of His kingdom, but the weakness of the mind.

      Tuesday, July 1st.--Lost, in a great measure, to any real purpose of improvement or preparation for public use. This destruction of much precious time has proceeded from a bad or imprudent arrangement of my own business; or rather, from a vain, restless curiosity in running after things where my real business did not call me; or if it did, in not observing a proper punctuality in beginning and ending my engagements; and in giving way to every trivial inducement, either to delay or exceed due bounds.

      Resolved, for the, future, to abridge my intendments and purposes to matters of real obligation or very urgent expediency, and not lightly to follow the first impulse of a restless curiosity; but in all undertakings to proceed with cautious deliberations.

      A good man will guide his affairs with discretion unto the end.

      Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, July 4th.--These days partly spent in a kind of restless anxiety, under dark and uncomfortable frames and impressions relative to my state, and the way of sure access and acceptance through the Gospel.

      Desirous of being devoted to God in heart, and of living a life of faith, in holy, loving obedience, and conformity to his most holy and gracious will, but as yet unable to attain to a steadiness in this most desirable way, though apparently most open and easy according to the Gospel.

      May the Lord give light and strength, and lead me in the way everlasting. Amen, amen.

      There is no better index of a Christian's healthfulness than a good appetite for the word and ordinances of God. For "the bread of life," "the water of life," and the breath of life, usually called the Spirit of life. These invigorate the Christian. [204]


      {1} Were any man, in perfect good health of body, to institute a diary of his physical constitution, and proceed to feel his own pulse some three or four times per diem, and to take notes on each occasion, and, in his memorabilia, record the signs and symptoms of morning, noon, [194] and evening, unless possessed of great self-command and vigor of intellect, he would be sending for a physician at least once or twice a day, to sit in solemn judgment upon his abnormal feelings and portentous symptoms. Still, as Dr. Young, the poet, said:
'Tis good to talk with our past hours,
And ask them what report they have borne to heaven."
      {2} Having made some one, two, or four sacraments per annum, Presbyterians made them great, "solemnities," with preparations of fast days, and special prayers and self-examinations. Father Campbell, in his own Presbytery and Synod, was always peculiarly exact and uniform in his zeal and efforts to turn them to good account, by prayer, fasting, and self-examination. Why not, reason asks, be always examining and taking cognizance of our states of mind, our motives, and affections?
      {3} Is not every set of worship addressed to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ equally solemn? [195]
      {4} In every act of religious worship, we address the same God the Father, through the same Mediator, and by the aid of the same Holy Spirit, or Holy Guest, who, because he dwells in the hearts of all the children of God, is never formally addressed in holy writ.
      It is a very generally neglected inquiry, Why are no prayers, no thanksgivings, no formal addresses to the Holy Spirit, commanded or suggested by any inspired writer of the New Testament or covenant, in any exhortation? Neither saint nor sinner is once commanded in the Christian Scriptures, to ask, to beseech, or to supplicate, in any form, the Holy Spirit.
      Without the aid, without the presence in our hearts, of the Holy Spirit, we can not acceptably approach the throne of grace, or practically know what to ask, in order to our growth in any grace within the area of faith, hope, or love.
      There seems to me, and for many years past it has seemed to me that there is a peculiar ignorance, or ambiguity, or vacuity of thought, on the person, mission, office, and work of the Holy Spirit.
      Because we have questioned some of the theories of our fathers and of our brethren in this living age, we have been rewarded with numerous, and various, and vehement reproaches and invectives from those who have obtained patent rights from Synods, Councils, find General Assemblies, for a specific theory, patented and stamped by the hand and seal of the proper officials, for said rights, immunities, and endowments.
      Despite of the long and loud maledictions and misrepresentations of skeleton editors and partisan spirits, the great cause of original and apostolic Christianity, based on the absolute grace and mercy of the adorable Messiah, to whom the Holy Spirit was not only given without measure, but given to dispense spiritual blessings, as the plenipotentiary of Jehovah Elohim, in such gifts, graces, and measures as the body--the mystical body--of our Lord Messiah might require, in order to its origination, organization, progress, growth, and triumph. [196]
      The true, the Divine, the Christian Church is the grandest institution in the entire area of God's whole creation.
      One of its grand intents is a new revelation to the whole intellectual, moral, or, in one word, to the spiritual universe; of the manifold majesty, excellency, glory, and grandeur of the Alpha and the Omega of every created being, within all the possibilities of every attribute and manifestation of the Lord God Almighty. Hence the superb mystery of godliness is the Divine transcendentalism of all glory, honor, majesty, and felicity within the grasp of human and angelic capacity and comprehension. It is to rise eternally onward and upward, without measure, limit, or end. Hence the transcendentally culminating glory, honor, and majesty of the triumphant Hero of human redemption. How palpably true it is, that no eye has ever seen, no ear has ever heard, no heart has ever conceived, no seraph has ever comprehended, no finite intelligence has ever realized the glory, the splendor, the majesty, the felicity of the ransomed, the beatified, the glorified joint-heirs of HIM who is the beginning and the end, the first and the last of the universe of universes, that fills the area of interminable space.
      Language is bankrupt, imagination is impotent, in the presence of the suggestions of that prelibation of bliss, the fruit of the Eternal Spirit in the sanctified spirit that apprehends and appreciates the oracle which attests the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.
      Man, and, we presume to think, that angel, cherub, or seraph, or any finite being in the whole area of creation, nor all of these united in one positive impersonation, can not now, nor can ever, comprehend the hight or the depth, the length or the breadth, the beginning or the end of this ineffably grand and glorious creation of God.
      He alone that sits upon the throne of the universe of universes, who inhabits eternity, and who fills immensity in the entire conception of it, can comprehend that exceeding and everlasting weight of glory in the contemplation of the honor and felicity of the co-heirs of the Lord of life, and the unwasting fountain of universal being, and or all appreciable blessedness.
      No man ever has comprehended, no man ever can comprehend, the topless, the boundless area of spiritual being and blessedness [197] adumbrated in the types and oracles which the Bible and the universe present as the area of the inheritance which the Lord God Almighty has prepared for them that know him, acknowledge him, love him, adore him, and glorify him in his spiritual beauty, honor, and majesty.
      That anthem sung in the concert of creation, when all the morning stars sang the song of creation, and all the sons of God shouted for joy, will be repeated in strains and ecstasies, of which we never had, and never can have, an adequate conception while incorporated with the elements of this mundane and material creation, which is to be dissolved and re-edified by Him who has solemnly declared that he will create all things new--new heavens and a new earth--in which righteousness shall reign.
      This is what Greeks and Romans, Jews and Gentiles, as such, never did achieve.
      From the records of Father Campbell's experience, as given by himself, in the early part of his ministry, we have one of the best demonstrations extant of the imperfections of that system of Presbyterianism which obtained, at the beginning of this century, in Great Britain and Ireland.
      As to his sincerity and ardent desire for usefulness in his calling, there is, in his own statements, internal evidence of a sincere desire to honor the Lord, to advance his cause, and to convert sinners, and edify and perfect the members of the Church over which be presided. His diary was not kept for publication, but for his own special use and growth in the knowledge of himself, and of the work in which he was engaged. He desired to be useful, to preach and teach the Gospel, to honor the Savior, and advance his cause and kingdom in the world. He was philanthropic; he spent much of his time in visiting the families of his charge, in ministering to their edification and comfort; especially attentive to them in their afflictions, visiting their families, catechising their children, admonishing, when necessary, both parents and children, and endeavoring to elevate their standard of piety and humanity.
      The fault was both in the theory and in the practice; zeal for orthodoxy, and devotion to forms and customs, were the blighting influences, both upon minister and people, teacher and taught. It was an inanimate formalism, alike injurious and fatal to the teacher and the taught. [198] Mere doctrines and theories are fatal substitutes for the original Gospel and the institutions of the Lord Jesus Christ. Yet, such was the order of that day and generation: theory instead of faith; form instead of power; orthodoxy versus heterodoxy; consecrated customs against Divine ordinances. And such, alas! is the present attitude and position of things called evangelical and orthodox, by the great majority of professors in this our age and country! [199]

[METC 194-204]


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Alexander Campbell
Memoirs of Elder Thomas Campbell (1861)