We need to respect and welcome our anger.

An Anglo Saxon response

      People with an Anglo-Saxon background, for whom phlegmatic self-control is a virtue, consider anger a negative emotion. Southern Europeans, who express their emotions more freely, regard anger more positively.

      Anger is not dissipated by being repressed. It will find a means of expression. It may accumulate and explode, or it may escape as passive aggression.

A healthy emotion

      Anger is a healthy emotion, although this doesn't guarantee that its expression will be healthy.

      When anger is denied, it will eventually direct its energies against the self. It will be transformed into depression.

      We can increase our anger, and our depression, by blaming ourselves for our impotence.

      If we don't deal effectively with anger-generated depression, it will be experienced as melancholia.

      On the other hand, explosions of anger exaggerate the loss of control and sense of powerlessness that helped fuel the anger. Uncontrolled anger further diminishes self-esteem, the lack of which prepared the groundwork for the explosion in the first place.

Some people!

      Some are energised more by anger than others. The typological profiles of the Enneagram help illustrate this.

      The Enneagram is a tool for exploring differences between people based on a clustering of behavioural responses. [89]

      The Enneagram argues that people can be roughly grouped into three basic categories--head people, heart people and gut people. There are three further classifications within each of these categories. The classification that best describes us can be discovered by determining what energises us.¹

      "Ones", who are in the gut space, are energised by anger. Some "one's" feed off conflictual energy. When it is absent, they provoke conflict. The energy driving the "one" is the need to be perfect. They are angry when they themselves, others, or situations are not perfect.²

Libidinal energy

      Anger is an expression of our basic libidinal energy.

      Freud used the term "libido" to refer to sexual energy.³ For Jung, libido was life-energy.⁴ I am using the term in the Jungian sense.

      Where anger is repressed we lose energy. We cease to be interesting, because there is little life-energy for others to engage.

      When we repress anger, it diminishes our emotional responses. As Mary d'Apice argued, if we block the expression of a strong emotion, like anger, it cripples us and denies us access to our true feelings.⁵

      If we are not in touch with our anger we will not respond appropriately to challenges. We will withdraw from conflict.

      Repressed anger can leach into the atmosphere, where it is absorbed by others. As Jung argued, if our life energy is not lived, but repressed, it will gas out in all directions, into people close to us, and into objects. If it is picked up by our children, who live it out, often unconsciously, it can seriously affect their lives.⁶

      While it is important to express, rather than repress anger, uncontrolled anger can be destructive. It is intimidating and can express itself in physical violence. Unrestrained anger is also disabling for the individual who is acting-out. It also destroys relational intimacy. There is a world of difference between controlling our anger and being controlled by it. [90]

      Repressed anger can surface in dreams in the form of wild animals that threaten the dreamer.⁷ We need to reconnect with this animal power, with our libidinal energy. As Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee argued, Native Americans identified with their "power animal" (the energy of their totemic animal) and were thus able to access this source of power within themselves.⁸

      If we honour our anger, responding appropriately to situations that provoke it, others will find us interesting, rather than bland. We will exude energy, together with an assurance that we have this energy under control.

      Healthy anger also strengthens our will to live. Dr Baars, who was imprisoned in the Nazi concentration camp at Buchenwald, was one of six to survive out of the thousand who were sent to the prison with him. Reflecting on why he survived, while others didn't, Dr Baars suggested that, second in importance to his faith in God, it was his anger at the Nazis, an anger that was neither repressed nor overtly expressed. This anger enabled him to survive the rigours of the hard labour to which he was subjected.⁹

      If we befriend our anger we will make a more positive contribution to society. We will be positive about life. We will be more creative. We will respond more readily and appropriately to injustice.

Sexuality

      Anger is closely connected to sexuality. It was not by accident that Freud equated libido with sexuality. Both are fuelled by testosterone.

      This connection is evident in the destructive potential of adolescent males, who constitute the vanguard of revolutionary movements. They are energised by unusually high levels of testosterone.¹⁰ Men with high levels of testosterone are more aggressive than men with lower levels. Barristers generally have higher levels of testosterone than do solicitors. Their aggressive adversarial role is more attractive to men with high levels of testosterone.¹¹ Women with high levels of testosterone are more likely to be competitive than women with lower levels. They tend [91] to excel in occupations traditionally reserved for men, particularly business and politics.¹²

      The connection between anger and sexuality is evident in other areas as well. Positive life-energy is sexually attractive. Negative energy can draw couples together, as well as blast them apart. Anger can surface in love-making, sometimes covertly, where it disconcerts a partner without their being able to identify what it is that is disturbing them.

Perception

      Anger, like other emotions, is triggered by our perceptions, by the way we read situations.

      Many perceptions are culture-specific. Australians blow their noses in public, which Japanese consider impolite. Japanese sniffle, which is off-putting to Australians. Westerners insist on telling, and being told the absolute truth. Asians will not "tell the truth" if it results in loss of face for themselves or others. Appropriate behaviour between the sexes, and definitions of adultery, differ between cultures.

      We can also misread situations, or wrongly conclude that we are powerless. We sometimes entertain too high an expectation of ourselves, or of others, and fail to realise that most of us are doing the best we can, given our circumstances and early psychological conditioning.

      To consider another's circumstances, and to refrain from responding angrily to provocative behaviour, may be healthy or unhealthy. There is a world of difference between repressing anger, restraining it, or so framing this situation that anger does not arise.

      It is important to test and rework our perceptions and expectations. These perceptions will impact upon the management of anger.

      Some contemplatives argue that anger is a function of the ego and that overcoming the ego's dominance reduces anger. They contend that because they are aware of what drives others, they cannot be angry with them. [92]

      I can understand what they are saying. Nevertheless, I suspect that, however much we diminish expressions of anger through a compassionate appraisal of others' foibles, we don't altogether escape its pull. Nor am I convinced that we should. It is our life-energy. What is important is that we moderate the urge to hit back.

      The healthy expression of anger requires discipline, flexibility, and centredness in the self.

Contacting our anger

      Joseph Campbell narrated a story that highlights the importance of contacting our anger.

      It is the story of a pregnant tigress, who was starving hungry. She discovered a flock of goats. Pouncing of them, with her body stretched to the limit, she brought on the birth of her cub, but died in the process. The goats, which had scattered when she intruded upon them, returned to the pasture where they had been grazing. They found the cub, which they raised as a goat. He learned to eat grass, despite the fact that the grass was bad for his digestive system.

      A little later, a male tiger attacked the flock, which again scattered. The tiger cub, however, went on eating. The older male was mystified, and asked the young cub what he was doing among the goats. The cub, somewhat embarrassed, went on nibbling. The mature tiger grabbed the cub by the neck and carried him to a nearby pond. There was no wind blowing and the surface of the pond was mirror-like. The young cub could see that he was not a goat. He was a tiger cub. The elder tiger then took the younger to his lair. From the remains of a gazelle, the mature male took a chunk of flesh and pushed it into the youngster's mouth. Stimulated by the meal, its proper diet, the cub let out a little roar.¹³

      Anger is our basic life-energy. We need to discover, and nurture, the libidinal tiger within. [93]

How do we do this?

      We can begin recognising repressed anger. We can do this by:

• learning to identify situations that are likely to provoke it. The absence of anger in circumstances where anger would be appropriate could indicate that the emotion is being repressed.
• taking note of emotional responses that are delayed or paralysed.
• teaching ourselves to recognise when our bodies are tense and checking out whether this could be as a consequence of heroic efforts at repression.
• noting when we are excessively tired, where the reason for our tiredness is not immediately apparent. A pervasive lethargy may indicate that our life energy is being drained by the effort required to repress anger. While tiredness can result from a range of factors, including exhaustion and allergies, it is important to check for a possible connection with repressed anger.
• recognising when we have forgiven others prematurely. We may do this because their social or relational power, which is greater than ours, cowers us into capitulating to them, or because we have been taught that good Christians should forgive. In either case we end up swallowing our anger.

      When we are able to identify unexpressed anger, we can nurture its expression in a number of ways.

• We can deliberately intensify the feeling
• We can express our anger verbally. This does not necessarily mean dumping it indiscriminately on others.
• For some people, particularly those of us who were taught that anger is a negative emotion, this may involve us giving ourselves permission to swear. Swearing may provide a healthy release, initially, for those who were programmed to believe that it would alienate us from our parents or bring [94] down upon us the wrath of God. This may be the only way we can break through to our feelings. As swearing in company can be alienating, it is generally more appropriate to exercise the gift in private. The more we are in touch with our anger, the less need will there be for us to swear. For most of us it will be a temporary expedient, a bridge across which we can walk to gain greater access to repressed emotions, particularly anger.
• If we can identify the individual or individuals whose behaviour has precipitated our anger, we can write a letter to them. It is good to keep the letter for a number of days before we determine whether or not we will send it.
• Giving expression to anger in a journal also helps.
• Sometimes our anger, while provoked by others, will not be directed towards them. We will realise that they did not intend the effect they produced or were merely being themselves. Our anger, as an emotional response to the situation, is legitimate and should be honoured. But in no sense are we wanting to blame the individual involved. Nevertheless, it is important that we devise means of expressing that anger so that it does not remain locked up inside us.
• Sometimes physically expressing anger helps. I am not advocating physical aggression or violence, which are inappropriate ways of expressing anger. However, pounding the pavement in your daily walk, or, on occasions, pummelling a pillow or a mattress, shouting, screaming or banging doors may provide physical release.
• Competitive sport requiring considerable physical effort serves the same purpose. Spectators, through vicarious identification with teams or individual participants, can access reservoirs of anger, often without realising what is happening. Some argue that men, who rarely talk about their emotions, are so constituted that they need some form of physical release when they are griped by strong emotions like anger. [95]

      If our anger is out of control we are in a different position from those who have no awareness of their anger. If this is the case, then we are hardly likely to respect our anger. Because of its exaggerated intensity, because it spoils our relationships and because it may land us in trouble with the law, we would have little inclination to befriend it.

      If anger causes us to lose control, we need to learn to identify circumstances that provoke it and work on strategies to manage and rechannel the emotion. There are excellent anger management courses that can assist with this process.

      The more we are in touch with the bodyself, with our interconnectedness, and with the Spirit, the more we will be aware that each of us lives at that level of competence and grace that is the measure of our current capacity. The more insight we have into ourselves, and the more we make allowance for ourselves, the more will we understand and make allowance for others. When our perception of others changes, so too do our emotional responses towards them. This change of outlook will address our anger at its source. We will be less likely to be angry with others when we realise they are acting as maturely as it is possible for them to act.

Awkwardness

      Our first attempts at expressing anger are likely to be awkward. It is like turning on a water tap that has not been used for a long time. There is a growling in the pipes. When the water arrives, it gushes out with great force. Nevertheless, once the air bubbles have cleared, the water runs regularly and gently.

The tiger

      We need to become comfortable with our anger, to welcome its energy and to discipline its expression. We need to make it into a flexible tool for managing ourselves, and our circumstances, for defending ourselves and others, and for empowering our involvements. [96]

      To repress anger is to increase its potential for destructiveness. As Tony Moore contended, the more our expansiveness, our creativity is curtailed, the more destructive will our behaviour be.¹⁴ On the other hand, anger is sacred, particularly when it flows into appropriate channels. Sam Keen argued, somewhat picturesquely, that when we can touch, within ourselves, the raw will to live and the power to take life, we are as much in the presence of the holy as when we are creatively engaging life.¹⁵ [98]

[LS 89-98]