While I have stressed the importance of our being centred, I would also contend that we need to develop the ability to stand outside ourselves, to observe ourselves as others observe us.

      Centring ourselves in the self, and developing the ability to objectively reflect on our thoughts and behaviours, are inter-related. The more we are centred in the bodyself, the freer we are from distracting psychological needs.

      This freedom from myopic self-preoccupation, and the capacity for self-reflection that companies it, are further enhanced through meditation. Meditation not only centres us in the bodyself, it also teaches us to become witnesses of our thoughts and feelings.

      We derive great benefit from learning to sit beside ourselves, from being in dialogue with ourselves.

Befriending ourselves

      We can only do this if we are friends with ourselves.

      If we hate ourselves we will be preoccupied with self-criticism and self-recrimination. We will lacerate ourselves with self-accusing monologues, failing to recognise the degree to which our behaviour is the consequence of psychological injury. Our self-flagellation will also decrease our capacity to relate warmly and compassionately to others. We will treat them as we treat ourselves, judgmentally, viciously.

Internal dialogue

      When I am processing material thrown up by my dreams, I sometimes find myself dealing with the impact of significant others on my life. As a consequence, I occasionally dialogue with elements in the unconscious formed through years of interchange with influential adults. [209]

Parents

      I remember, on one occasion, seating myself in a chair in my bedroom. I had made out several lists, one related to my father and the other to my mother. Both included positive and negative elements. At this stage in my life, my father had been dead a number of years and my mother was living interstate.

      I talked first to my father, as if he were sitting across the room from me. I thanked him for the benefits I derived from his fathering. At the same time, I talked to him about what had made me angry. I then addressed myself similarly to my internalised father, to that part of me that was the result of years of interaction between us. I next turned my attention to my mother and then to my internalised mother.

The anima

      When it began to dawn on me that my relationship with my first wife had broken down irretrievably, I began taking long walks in a nearby rainforest. Not wanting to burden my daughters with my need for affection and intimacy, I dialogued with my anima (a mature feminine aspect of my being that was beginning to manifest in my dreams and my behaviour) which nourished me, offering me feminine warmth.

Transcendence

      If we are able to dialogue with ourselves in this way we will be able to transcend the ego's myopic self-preoccupation and to gain a more comprehensive perspective on ourselves. We will begin to understand why we are making the moves we are. We will participate in our personal, spiritual journey more intentionally. We no longer operate entirely on automatic pilot.

Paradox

      The dynamic is paradoxical. To transcend ourselves we relinquish the egoic self-control that constricts our development. This allows us to intentionally participate in healthy, spontaneous initiatives deriving from the bodyself. We relinquish control to gain control. We surrender the illusion of control to gain genuine [210] control. The distinction is subtle. It almost eludes description. The difference is discerned through experience, by comparing two different states of being.

Benefits

      The more we transcend the limited perceptions of the isolated ego, the more we are aware of the extent to which we are driven by unconscious energies. We begin to explore our unconscious motivations and to moderate them by conscious intention. We are less captive to our demons. We are less inclined to castigate ourselves for our weaknesses. We are able to treat ourselves more kindly, generously and compassionately.

      We also discover that we take ourselves and our crusades less seriously. Our passions are less contaminated by our pathologies. They are moderated by a healthy nonchalance that results from our belief in ourselves. We avoid a sweaty self-righteousness and can laugh at our compulsions. We are gentle and playful with ourselves and with others.

      Our engagements with others become multi-layered. We dialogue with them at many levels simultaneously. Reading ourselves more accurately, we are more aware of what is happening to others.

How?

      How do we develop this capacity for self-transcendence?

      Self-transcendence is a life-long process. Some proceed faster, or further, than others. Some hardly begin the journey.

      To begin the process we need a measure of self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-esteem, and self-love. These are gifts of the bodyself and of the Spirit.

      We can use setbacks, disappointments and failures, which force us to confront aspects of the self that we have kept hidden from ourselves, to dispel the illusion that there is no more to us than the conscious ego. [211]

Towards integration

      Self-transcendence, or the ability to sit beside and observe ourselves, is an essential ingredient in the process of human maturation. It is when the many elements within the bodyself can dialogue with each other, in a healthy way, under the compassionate gaze of the superintending ego, that they can begin to come together in a more integrated fashion. [212]

[LS 209-212]