Here is a curious story
About two noted men,
Two very ugly preachers,
Which I will deign to pen.

'Twas told on Brother Johnson,
(That's what the wits did say,)
When artists took his picture
They stood half mile away!

Of Brown it was related,
(The truth I'll not deny,)
That just his simple presence
Made all the babies cry!

When Johnson rose in pulpit
(That's how the story ran,)
Each lady in the audience
Took refuge 'neath her fan!

When Brown rose in the pulpit,
And looked about the room,
It made the people tremble
And think about their doom!

The nose of Brother Johnson
Was long and slim and keen;
His head was tall and bushy
As any ever seen.

While Brown's nose hooked, la eagle,
(You say that was no sin,)
And held quite close communion
With his sharp-pointed chin.

It was a mooted question
In all that realm or coast,
Among the wits and jokers,
Which preacher NOSE the most!

Some thought it strange Almighty
Such ugly men would call,
He must be scarce of timber
To send them out at all.

Both preached the resurrection,
In its main Bible scope,
But not this earthly body,
At they had a hope:

That in the land of glory
They'd have a better show,
And carry nicer features
Than they did here below!

Now, these two noted preachers,
While in same class or set,
In all their earthly pilgrimage
Had not each other met.

'Twas told that Brother Johnson
Said, (whether true or not,)
When he met man as ugly
He'd shoot him on the spot.

And for this special purpose
A pistol he did tote,
A wicked big revolver,
Inside his holy coat.

He met Brown on the highway,
And drew his awful gun,
And then his vow related,
But Brown--he did not run.

Brown was somewhat short-sighted,
He drew a little nigher,
And squinted -- "If I'm uglier,
Please cock your gun and fire!

This story show most clearly,
Though ended in a storm,
God moves in ways mysterious
His wonders to perform.

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