Most people have only a passing acquaintance with themselves. Most of us are familiar with the image that greets us in the morning as we face the bathroom mirror. We can identify physical blemishes. We know what we like to eat. We are aware of our daily rituals. We can talk about our tastes in music and friends. If someone close to us dies, we have a fair idea of the strategies we will put in place to cope with the grief. But we will know little about the self that lies hidden beneath superficial appearances. The depths of the soul will rarely have been sounded.

      We are so accustomed to superficiality that we lack the discernment to recognise it for what it is. David Henry Thoreau, who deliberately took time out to explore the undiscovered self, argued that where is no inner dialogue, where conversation degenerates into gossip, where all that an individual can talk about is what he has read in the paper and where he is constantly visiting the post office looking for mail, one can be sure that it is a long time since he has heard from himself.¹

      Equally to the point was Augustine of Hippo's comment that people can travel the world without discovering themselves.²

Reluctance

      The journey of self-discovering, while it requires discipline, is not arduous. Once an initial inertia is overcome, desire for further discovery transforms itself into quiet determination.

Afraid of what you will find!

      Many of us are afraid of what we will discover.

      We are suspicious of unruly elements that surface in unguarded moments. These recalcitrant elements contradict a positive self-image, which it has taken us years to construct. This self-image guarantees the support of those communities on which we depend for our self-esteem and emotional security. Faced with [25] rebellious elements, that threaten the image we have of ourselves, we will resort to one of two strategies. We will deny that the riotous elements exist or we will distract attention from them.

      We deny what we cannot accommodate, or we regard it as an accidental aberration. However, this repression, this unconscious denial of spontaneous insights, increases the energy of that which is repressed. When what we are pushing down erupts a second time, further repression requires additional force. The effect is cumulative, and dangerous, and reaches a stage where it is no longer sustainable.

      Distraction can take many forms, of which workaholism, an addiction to raging, romantic or sexual inebriation, alcoholic over-indulgence, and drug taking are the most obvious. However, we can also lose ourselves in our reading, in assisting others, in sport, or in convivial conversation. The means of distraction are limitless.

      As strategies of avoidance, denial and distraction work hand in glove. To maintain denial we keep ourselves distracted.

      Readiness to set out on the journey of self-discovery will depend, to some degree, on whether one is extroverted or introverted. Extroverts, whose primary engagement is with the outside world, are external processors. Introspection does not come naturally to them, though some extroverts develop keen insight into themselves. Introverts are naturally more reflective, although their self-reflection, which is not always healthy, can paralyse them, particularly if it degenerates into morbidity.

      Some people avoid introspection because they're afraid that it will leave them marooned in the unconscious. This is a legitimate concern. As Jung commented, Friedrich Nietzsche, the German philologist and philosopher, was so possessed by his thoughts that he was imprisoned by them.³

      Jung was fully aware of this danger in his own case.⁴

      Concentrated self-reflection, like certain forms of Eastern meditation, which take apart the personality, is dangerous for those who have not developed a strong ego. Jung, who attempted an exploration of his unconscious through exploring his dreams, [26] maintained balance by ensuring that his ego was constantly engaged in studious interpretation of dream content.

      Self-exploration need not be as intense as it was for Nietzsche or Jung. Both were pioneers and men of exceptional genius. If we are gentle with ourselves, we will recognise a readiness for certain self-insights.

The self is too insubstantial

      Some avoid sustained self-reflection because they are convinced that the self is a fragile construct that can be easily fragmented.

      There is a sense in which the ego, our conscious identity, which emerges out of its unconscious ground as we develop beyond infancy, is a construct that undergoes a continual process of formation and maintenance. However, while it possesses an element of fragility, and can be fractured, it is remarkably resilient.

The self as an illusion

      There are those who argue that we have been wrong in assuming that reality is a given and that interpretations of this reality are secondary. They contend that it is our constructions of reality that are primary, and that we create reality, or illusions of reality, by our interpretations. Extreme advocates of this view argue that there is no reality independent of our perceptions. They further contend that to speak of an inner, or deeper self, is to create, rather than to describe. What is created, in this way, is an artificial construct.

      It is true that we order and frame elements of our environment. This ordering and framing furnishes a grid through which the environment is structured into something meaningful. Language and concepts structure our life-space. However, to push this point further, and contend that there is nothing present until we create it, is disingenuous, even arrogant.

      There is an archetypal human self-structure that pre-dates our personal existence. It has evolved over time. The development of the foetus in utero, and the development of the young child, reproduce this evolutionary development.⁵ [27]

      We will never understand ourselves fully. Psychological theories are partial and reductionist. They cannot be otherwise. They reflect the interests and personalities of their originators. As Jung so perceptively commented, we don't have the faintest idea of what the psyche is.⁶

      This does not mean that different theories cancel each other out. The different models are complementary. Each is absorbed in its observation of the self from the perspective of its own limited grid. Ken Wilber has thrown light on the dilemma posed by the range of competing theories and therapies by contending that different approaches, far from contradicting each other, focus on particular aspects, or levels, of the self.⁷

      We can't avoid using models. We each decide which construct we will privilege. This construct may be a single model, or a meta-model, a model that assesses and integrates other models. In choosing a model it is important that we do not confuse the model with reality.

      While total comprehension of the bodyself is beyond us, if we are to gain more than a superficial understanding of ourselves we must make an attempt to penetrate the maddening complexity that is us. To understand ourselves, we need to pursue two complementary investigations. We need to subject the bodyself to external investigation. We also need to engage in an internal exploration of the mind and psyche. This book is focused on the second of these tasks.⁸

Spending time on ourselves

      Some people are captive to the notion that it is wrong for us to spend time on ourselves.

      It can be argued that the Christian message, with its emphasis on humility and other-centredness, counterbalances the ego's tendency to inflation, to an over-reaching of itself. However, when these cautions are exaggerated to the point of absurdity, they effectively inhibit conscious engagement with the self. Furthermore, rather than achieving their objective, in diminishing self-preoccupation, they strengthen it by pushing it underground. [28] They also furnish Christians with a wonderful excuse for avoiding facing themselves and for sustaining their allusions and projections.

      Rather than fostering self-centredness, the process of discovering the texture of the self furnishes the necessary foundation for the sort of self-giving that is non-manipulative. The reason for this is that self-revelation is humbling and affirming.

      Looking at this situation from another perspective, it can be argued that we can only love others to the degree that we love ourselves. We can only truly accept, forgive and care for others to the degree that we accept, forgive and care for ourselves. Knowledge, acceptance and care of ourselves go hand in hand with knowledge, acceptance and care of others.

      A critical transformation occurs when one encounters the deeper, more comprehensive dimensions of the self.⁹ The voice of the Spirit has difficulty penetrating an ego that is divorced from the rest of the self. It is deaf to the gentle voice of the Spirit. It is distracted and lacks the necessary sensitivity.

The critical distinction

      Having argued that it is only as we spend time becoming acquainted with the deeper self that we can free ourselves from egoic self-absorption, I need to distinguish between attention to the self which is healthy, illuminating and liberating, and self-preoccupation that is unhealthy.

      Engagement with the self that leads to transformation is not to be confused with a form of narcissism, appropriate in young infants, but inappropriate in adults, which does not differentiate emotionally between oneself and others. In this instance, self-concentration is conscripted into the service of the ego, not the deeper self.

      Healthy dialogue with the self is also to be distinguished from self-isolation that is autistic, and which represents a developmental arrest.

      The sort of encounter with ourselves that enables us to engage the deeper levels of the self also needs to be distinguished [29] from forms of self-pleasuring that avoid the pain associated with facing our weaknesses. The latter reinforce the self-preoccupation of the ego and distract us from the task of self-confrontation.

Consciousness

      One cannot talk about the self without saying something about human consciousness.

      While no one has identified, conclusively, the physiological structures responsible for consciousness, a range of scientific models, that seek to explore the connection between the physiological brain and the human mind, have been proposed.¹⁰

      Research into the physiological substratum of human consciousness is continuing,¹¹ assisted by new technologies, like magnetic resonance imaging. One suspects that it will be decades, if not longer, before we gain a clear, and generally accepted view of the physical elements that generate the phenomenon of consciousness.

      The exploration of different levels of consciousness, with which I am concerned in this book, is not focused on the brain's physiology, despite the importance of this sort of external investigation. My concern is more modest, though hardly less complex. I am interested in probing the way we experience ourselves from the inside.

Formative factors

      The self that we experience, with the eyes of the soul, is influenced by at least three elements.

      The first of these is physiological. Genetic givens, hormonal cocktails, neurotransmitters that effect mood and reactions, the cognitive capacity of the brain and a multitude of other factors, separately, and in association with each other, impact upon capacity, self-perception and behaviour.

      Environment also plays a significant role, beginning with our conception. The early years, when our parents mirror back to us the outlines of our emerging personalities, and influence them indelibly, are particularly important. [30]

      James Hillman, who resurrects Plato's belief that each of us comes into the world accompanied by a personal daimon, or guiding intelligence, argues that modern personality theory--which he seeks to counter--posits a "traumatic" view of childhood. We are who we are because of the traumas we have suffered. Hillman does not argue that traumas do not effect us deeply. What he is contending is that we are not wholly the consequence of what is done to us.

      Hillman suggests that each of us comes into the world with a unique, defining image. He calls this the "acorn view". The potential for the mature tree, however it is influenced by its environment, is in the acorn. The role of the "daimon" is to help us discover and live our calling.¹² This individuality, which is present in germ within each of us, represents the third element. The degree to which this factor is influenced by physiological givens is an open question.

Defining terms

      One of the difficulties that confronts anyone attempting to tell the story from the inside is that terminology is confusing. Not only is the material elusive, and therefore differently conceived by different researchers, but the terms used are anything but uniform. Words like "ego" and "self" have a different meaning for different writers.

      It is therefore necessary that I define the terms and I have already begun using. In doing this, I will sketch the model of the self that works for me.

      I find Jung's paradigm helpful, but I feel it does not go far enough. It does not sufficiently explore the transpersonal dimension of personal development. To develop and modify Jung's paradigm, I have drawn on Ken Wilber's "spectrum of consciousness",¹³ in which Western and Eastern approaches to personal development are integrated. It is Eastern experience and philosophy that has most extensively explored the transcendent dimension. [31]

      For Jung, the self, which represents us in our totality, is made up of the ego and the unconscious.

      The ego is that part of us of which we are conscious, that element that thinks and discriminates. I sometimes refer to this as the empirical or superficial ego, particularly where I want to indicate that the ego has no conscious connection with the rest of the self, particularly the unconscious. The unconscious is that part of us that lies beyond conscious awareness.

      According to Jung, the unconscious is made up of two elements, a personal unconscious and a collective unconscious. The personal unconscious is the dustbin that collects all that is unconsciously repressed throughout a lifetime. The collective unconscious contains residues that have built up over the course of human evolution, as well as subliminal perceptions and energy that we share with others, with whom we are psychically interconnected.

      In using the terminology he did, Jung was not intending to imply that the human psyche was made up of separate facets--an "ego", a "personal unconscious", a "collective unconscious"--that could be separated off from each other. These expressions were merely convenient interpretive devices. He used these terms in an attempt to grasp some of the important, intra-personal transactions he observed within himself and others.

      I also want to emphasise, more than Jung did, the significance of the body. It is important that we are in touch with our bodies and that we listen to what they are saying to us.

      I use the expressions "bodymind" and "bodyself". The first indicates that the mind is not made up exclusively of the cerebral brain, but is located throughout the entire body. Every cell in the body has memory and participates in the body's internal dialogue and in processes of discrimination and recollection. Use of the expression "bodyself" is an indication that the self is not an entity detached from the body.

      I have already talked about "soul" and "Spirit".

      "Soul" is a loose term, despite the fact that it has historical roots and strong emotional overtones. For this reason, I use it [32] sparingly. We are in touch with the soul when we experience ourselves at depth. Such experiences are not disembodied and often powerfully engage the ego.

      When the soul is deeply affected by energies that reside within the self, but appear to come from beyond it, one may be experiencing the flow and life-giving dynamism of the Spirit. The human spirit, the life-force of the soul, is the gift of the Divine Spirit. As the Apostle Paul argued, the Spirit witnesses with our spirit, thus indicating that we are the children of God.¹⁴

      You will notice a range of terms, such as Universal Mind, Universal Consciousness, Presence, God, which are used as synonyms for Spirit, each reflecting a different nuance.

An exploration

      The purpose of this book is to help you explore yourself, to help you intentionally engage different elements, or levels, of yourself, and to help you to co-operate with the self, and with the Spirit that enlivens the self. This should lead to a decreasing preoccupation with selfish egoic interests, for the ego will no longer be clamouring for attention with nearly the same insistency. It will be more comfortably situated within the embodied, multi-dimensional self.

Guidelines

      At this point I would like to suggest six guidelines.

      First, maintain an attitude of openness, an embodied and not merely a mental openness, to reality. I am advocating an openness of soul to the inspirited-self. This sort of openness is what Christian theology speaks about as faith.¹⁵

      Second, be intentional about your quest. But take it gently. Don't become intensive or compulsive. Keep your eye on the goal, but let those unconscious factors that can judge your readiness and the pace that is appropriate, guide you.

      Third, be attentive. Keep your senses and your body's internal means of discernment and communication open. Learn to listen to intuitive hunches whispered in the corridors of the unconscious. [33]

      Fourth, don't be afraid of being on your own. Seek occasional solitude. Use it to sound the depths of the self. As Meister Eckhart suggested, it is important that we explore our own treasure.¹⁶

      Fifth, you will discover that the deepest lessons come through suffering. It was through suffering that Job encountered the self.

      Sixth, it is important to ritualise insights and transitions. It is through ritualization that we appropriate and integrate understandings and developments into the bodyself. Most of us in the West do our processing solely with our minds. This means that insights are not integrated into the repertoires of the bodyself. This integration, effected through ritual, will involve bodily movement.

If not?

      Whether or not we decide to become better acquainted with ourselves is up to us. We may choose to carry on as we have always carried on, to take life as it comes and not worry too much about what we don't know about ourselves. This is an understandable and legitimate response. However, if this is our decision, it will involve certain consequence.

      If you decide not to become better acquainted with yourself, you may fail to realise the extent to which you have been moulded by others, particularly by the way you have been defined by the attitudes and actions of significant others. You are also likely to identify yourself with the roles you fulfil. You may over-rate or under-rate yourself, instead of coming to a healthy and realistic perception of your strengths and weaknesses.¹⁷ It is also possible that you may confuse the ego with the self, the part of you to which you have most ready access with your totality. It is also possible that you may sacrifice your life to this "false self".¹⁸

      If we pass up the opportunity to explore ourselves at depth, we may forfeit the ability to dialogue with our bodies and our unconscious. This also means, paradoxically, that we may be controlled, like marionettes, by knots of conflicted energy in the unconscious. Jung has argued that the psyche, like the body, is a homeostatic system. It will keep itself in balance. Neglected or crippled aspects of the self will find expression.¹⁹ If direct [34] communication is not effective, because we are not listening, scorned elements will compensate for their neglect in forms of self-expression that become increasingly perverse the longer they are denied.

      If we do not make contact with the deeper self, the ego, lacking a foundation more substantial than itself, may seek to ground itself in energy emanating from powerful personalities or seductive ideologies.²⁰

      Refusal to proceed beyond an acquaintance with the empirical ego could leave us struggling with two impossible tasks. These are related to attempts we make to restrain inbuilt maturational energies.

      The first task will be to arrest the potential for growth built into the bodyself. We may attempt this by seeking to immortalise ourselves at our current stage of development.

      It is likely that we will then search for a sacrificial object on which we can heap anger generated by frustrated energies that are urging us to move forward. This anger, manifesting as criticism or contemptuous dismissal, we will dump on the sacrificial object. This action is designed to justify our decision to remain as we are.

      Growth requires us to undergo a range of transformations. These transitions involve a series of deaths and resurrections. When we refuse to surrender to this process, we unconsciously search for sacrificial objects that we can put to death in place of elements of our current self-structure that we need to surrender. Instead of dying to an old way of looking at, and living our lives, we put to death a substitute sacrifice. These sacrificial objects--people, institutions or philosophies--that we criticise, are unconsciously selected, by us, for this role, because they reflect characteristics associated with the next stage of the journey. The perspectives of those situated at this stage reinforce the voices within us that we are seeking to silence, voices that are pointing up the inadequacies of our present stage of development.²¹

      Neither of these tasks achieves its aim. Both result in damage to ourselves and others. [35]

The benefits of proceeding

      If we proceed with the difficult, but rewarding task of self-discovery, we will be enriched by the process.

      We will progressively appropriate ourselves. We will discover how to dialogue with the different levels of the self. We will become increasingly centred in the self, rather than being at the mercy of an insecure ego. We will be more self-accepting and less plagued by a chronic lack of self-esteem. The different elements of the self will be better integrated. We will be able to give ourselves to others, cleanly and self-forgetfully. We will be able to say, with Jung, that we have ceased to belong to ourselves alone.²² We will discover a more comprehensive sense of interconnectedness encompassing our total environment.

      As you descend into the self you will observe that you develop a preference for wisdom over knowledge. You will increasingly seek to dwell in what Buddhists call your "wisdom mind".²³ This wisdom is the gift of the Spirit.

      This process represents an increase in the groundedness of the bodyself, a groundedness that brings us into touch with the energies of this Spirit. As Eckhart commented, we should spend time in our essence, our ground. When we do so we will discover that God's essence and our essence are intermingled.²⁴

      Paradoxically, the more we are centred in the self the more we are able to transcend the self, which also means that we are better able to intentionally participate in whatever it is that we are doing.

      Dwelling increasingly within your deeper self will enable you to enjoy the panelled richness of your inner sanctum. It also makes it possible for you to make contact with the archetypal singer, that aspect of your soul that is sensitive to and sings along with the "music of the spheres".

Eloquent testimony

      The greatest discovery we can make is the discovery of ourselves. It was for this reason that Augustine suggested that we look within for the truth, rather than seeking it outside ourselves.²⁵ [36]

      Lao Zi, in the Dao De Jing, similarly suggested that we can know the whole world, and the ways of heaven, without going outside, without looking through the window.²⁶ It was for this reason that Sam Keen suggested that we should enter the dark cave of our being and there pose the primal questions.²⁷

      In the light of this testimony, it is little wonder that Ghalib contended that those who are in the know are people who are drunk with the Spirit.²⁸ [38]

[LS 23-38]