We are to have a panel discussion on a problem as old as the human race, that of the teenager. We read so much in our newspapers these days about delinquent teenagers, hep-cat teenagers, milk-bar cowboys, that we tend to think of the teenage problem as being something peculiarly modern, belonging to this age only, like atom bombs and jet planes.

      But so long as people have been living in family groups, parents have had to face the problem of their children growing up and becoming adolescent, neither child nor adult, but a confusing mixture of both. And for all that we read so much of delinquent teenagers, we must realise that for every one delinquent, there are hundreds of ordinary teenagers, and it is these ordinary, normal ones we want to discuss.

      We have assembled here a panel of three experts on the teenage problem. I call them "experts" because they are mothers who are coping with adolescents in their own homes; but I'm sure they would have me say they are just ordinary mothers, selected from various Evening 'Fellowship Groups around Melbourne. Dozens of you might

      just as easily have been chosen to give your views. We have divided the subject into three sections and each of the ladies will now give their own views on these matters.

      "The Teenager in the Christian Home." That phrase brings mixed feelings--fascination, trepidation. What a thrill it is to have a young teenage daughter, in all the beauty of young womanhood; and to have a son, or sons, growing into strong young manhood, full of vigour and life. Ah, but what a lot of water has to flow through the mill before that stage is reached; and so, is it any wonder that you have those feelings of fear sometimes, and that you wonder just how life will go with your teenager?

      It is significant to notice, at the outset, that during this age three of life's crucial experiences occur:

      1. The period of sexual development ends. (Pubescence),
      2. The level of normal adult intelligence is reached,
      3. The great majority of religious awakenings or conversions occur.

      We will now take a very brief look at each of these things in order.

      1. PHYSICALLY. We need to understand this body of the teenager to deal adequately with it, and to cope with the situation. Having set the pattern, during their earlier years for daily hygiene, we should have no great trouble here. Although, no doubt, you will still find yourself nagging your fourteen-year-older to go and scrub behind his ears. Do try to restrain from nagging, for you can be assured that before very long he will be conscious of the girl across the street, and you'll be tearing your hair out trying to get the bathroom clear for the rest of the family. A word of advice that has come from experience--a shower recess, separate from the bathroom, is an absolute essential for peaceful living, if you happen to have a family of teenagers.

      Physically, at these teenage years (and I'm thinking of the 14 to 18 years period), you have a slowing down of growth. Prior to this age, from 12 to 14 years, you have had a period of acceleration. Now comes this slow rate for about four years. This is a period of settling down, a time when permanent physical habits are determined. It is also a time when the parts of the body are knitting themselves together in preparation for their creative function, and the responsibilities of maturity. The distinguishing feature of these years is the capacity to feel. Youth is a time of strong and deep emotions. It has been suggested that it would be worthwhile settling down and writing an essay "on what it feels like to be fourteen." Personally I do not think any one of us can forget what it feels like to be that age, but it would help, when trying to deal with situations, to think back and remember just how you felt about things.

      We must remember that there is a physical basis for these emotional conditions. That will help when difficult times arise. This experience of deep feeling is the direct result of awakening sex life. The heart increases 60 per cent. in weight at this time, and the arteries, relatively slow in adjusting themselves to this new freshet of blood, combine to set up a high blood pressure, thus giving, at times, that feeling of abounding energy and vigour. Encourage them to use this energy in the best possible way. I'm not going to say just how to use that energy, as that will be dealt with by the next speaker. But I will say in closing this section, do not stop their desire for adventure because of parental fear. We must always be scrupulously honest with ourselves in examining the reasons for restrictions we find it necessary to make; and we will find that they have to be made.

      2. MENTALLY. It is not always realised that normal adult intelligence is reached at this age, (and very often we are not given reason to think so, too). A boy of fifteen is intellectually at his peak. In the case of girls, particularly bright ones, sometimes there is a slowing up during adolescence. Sometimes this is permanent, and if so, there must be on the part of the girl's parents, a readiness to adjust their expectations. Many girls' minds are seriously damaged by the too inelastic ambitions of their parents. We need to keep an open mind during adolescence about a girl's education and career. Just as there is a spiritual basis for emotions, there is also a mental basis. That is to say that ideas and convictions give rise to feelings of a most intense nature. You get,

      1. Strained personal and social relationships,
      2. Reverence and gratitude,
      3. Grief and sympathy,
      4. Keen sense of justice and responsibility.

      These all unite to make young people feel profoundly. Now is the time to take them into your confidence--tell them of financial difficulties let them know what it costs to keep the home together. You'll find them responsive as never before. Certainly they are temperamentally up and down--there are moods of ecstasy and despair. But choose your moment to make a real pal of them.

      Instability is the word descriptive of these years. They are seldom

predictable. Most ride the waves, but some are caught in the undertow, and are swept off their feet. These emotions, then, are the signs of youth's maladjustment. They have not yet adjusted themselves. Today they rate themselves too highly, tomorrow, too cheaply. Hence success goes to their head like wine, and failure chills their heart. So we need to be infinitely patient, very understanding, firm in decisions. Certainly tell them off if their actions require such measures, and above all, let them know you love them sincerely, and remember always that "Love is never possessive." Trust them!

      3. SPIRITUALLY. It is impossible to leave out this aspect when dealing with "the teenager in your home." You will need to be constantly in touch with your Lord, you will need to pray as never before. If you have never set the pattern of Family Worship around the meal table, it's not too late to start now. Previously it may have been difficult because of little ones,--but having started do not let anything interfere. It must become part of the meal.

      Church worship: Here I do not think you will have any trouble if you have set the pattern. I'm sure that it is example that counts! This verse says for me how I feel about it--

      So never forget, although at this age your teenager will never admit it, they are following your example; and remember that it was from Jesus Christ that he first learned about God. Although the records are fragmentary we believe our Lord lived through these years in an exemplary manner. It was from a physician's observation, who tells us that the Boy of Nazareth developed symmetrically, so that at twelve (in eastern lands development begins two Years earlier) He was physically robust, happily adjusted to people, mentally mature (remember that adult mentality is reached at 15), and in conscious harmony with God. His was a boyhood and youth spent in the open air, in a family where frugality and responsibility and love pervaded the atmosphere. A youth time wrought out under such wholesome disciplinary and inspiring conditions, should be the heritage of every young teenager. Yes, I think that example is the secret.

      A mother was once asked how she accounted for the fact that her children had all grown into such fine young people. This was her reply, "I may not have talked much to my children about God, but I did talk to God a lot, about my children."

      What is leisure?

      Could we say it is all unorganised time at a girl's or boy's disposal. Time not organised by school, work or parents. The time in which a teenager is free to follow his OWN interests.

      The dictionary also defines leisure as "opportunity." I would like us to think of leisure as unorganised time at a teenager's disposal which is an opportunity for--what?

      for developing personality through hobbies, arid creating interests that may last through a lifetime;

      for developing physically through various sporting activities;

      for mental development through good reading, or an appreciation of music, or art;

      for consolidating and practising what is presented to him as a challenge to Christian living through the Church and its activities.

      The teenager must be encouraged to see his pleasure, or what he probably calls "a good time," in right perspective with his work, recreation and Christian development.

      We cannot help our children do this if we ourselves are pleasure seekers.

Encourage Hobbies.

      They can be an outlet for creative powers and imagination--something that takes thought and effort, e. g., photography, stamp collecting, anything to do with nature such as the study of birds, animal, insect or plant life; woodwork, or even gardening.

      A satisfactory hobby can give much pleasure and relaxation throughout the whole of life, and be a means of easing tension. How often do we hear of men who have lived active lives and concentrated on their business, when it comes to the age of retirement they are completely lost and bored with life because they have never had an outside interest or developed a worthwhile hobby.

      It is very important that we, as Mothers, should never be too busy to talk with our children--to share their interest in sports or hobbies--even if we don't altogether understand.

      Take time off from whatever we are doing to listen to them. If we don't, the natural result will be that they will stop wanting to tell us of the things that interest them, and sharing quite freely so many incidents and happenings throughout the day. You will readily appreciate that they will then gradually stop discussing with us their problems and difficulties and the vital issues of their lives.

      So we lose that close family relationship that should exist in every home.

Home Atmosphere.

      It is essential that our Home Atmosphere be such that our teenagers feel free to invite their friends home. No elaborate entertaining is necessary. A friendly home with an open door.

      Suggest an occasional social gathering of a larger group. On these occasions let them arrange their own entertainment and accept the responsibility themselves. We must not interfere or try to organise them too much. It is important, though, for us to "be about" but not too conspicuous, and ready to help when needed.

      For example, don't let us be too obstinate about swing music, or don't put a stop to bright harmless noise, even if it nearly shatters our eardrums, or we run the risk of upsetting the sourpuss opposite.

New Experiences.

      It seems to be typical of most teenagers that they want to try new experiences from time to time. This is the cause of a great deal of concern among many parents. I know, because I have had to meet this problem on more than one occasion. Advise them of the dangers of situations that may confront them, for example, alcohol, but don't say too much. In other words don't nag" or we will antagonise them.

      Such occasions are a reflection of our training, as parents.

Make Own Decisions.

      We need to encourage our teenager to make his own decisions, although he will need a certain amount of guidance at times.

      If our basic teaching through the years has been on sound Christian lines we will not have a great deal of cause for anxiety. If we da worry about them, we are not only showing a lack of trust in our teenagers, but it also indicates a doubt in our own minds that our training has been adequate.

      We must not expect perfection. I think perhaps it is because we want the very best and highest for our children that we are inclined to expect them ALWAYS to make the right decision or do the right thing, and we are disappointed and critical when they don't.

      I don't mean that we must lower our own standards at all--but be understanding and sympathetic; try to see their point of view, and then lead their thinking and subsequent action to a higher level.

Money.

      There is another aspect in the life of every teenager which affects the whole of life, but which has a very definite influence upon leisure time. I refer to Money--pocket money we could call it for the teenagers who are not working,

and stewardship of money for those at the earning stage.

      Isn't it becoming increasingly difficult to impress upon the young ones a real sense of the value and purpose of money! It is quite noticeable the effect that having money has upon so many.

      It is so easy, as parents, to hand out a little more, or perhaps overlook occasionally (and in some cases altogether) what is crudely termed "board." We tend to excuse our lack of careful oversight in many ways--

      How often has it been said that it is making up to them for what we did not have as teenagers, or

      We won't miss a few extra shillings let him have it, or

      I always had plenty to spend, why shouldn't my children have the same.

      Leisure time to the teenager who has plenty of money in his pocket is a big temptation. To those who are restricted, mixing with others, some of whom have plenty, can lead to discontent and resentment unless we, as parents, persevere in instilling into their minds a true sense of values.

      It is so easy to look at it simply from OUR financial position, not realising that whether we be well to do, average or poor, how we approach this vital matter has a definite bearing upon the character of our teenager.

      It demands of us much prayer and thoughtful consideration.

      Leisure is such an important part of the life of our teenagers. We as mothers must do our part to give them the help and guidance that will encourage them to make leisure, not a time of carefree, thoughtless pleasure, but something that will add richness and fullness to their lives.

      This seems to be an age where most things, sooner or later, are presented in the form of a problem. We are very problem conscious! Because the few minutes at our disposal do not give us time to delve too deeply, it may look as if we are over-simplifying the situation when I suggest that we put aside the problem aspect, and think rather of each moment of living as an experience. We are confronting the subject "The Teenager and God," but I don't think that we can discuss the teenager as a separate unit, because we can't divorce the teenager from the child or the parents. Note that I say parents, and not just parent!

The Right Focus.

      Through the medium of the press and the radio a great number of people have received a distorted view of this group as a whole, and to hear them speak, one would think that there is no hope for the future. Now just listen to this--"The world is passing through troubled times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents, or old people. They are impatient of all restrain. They talk as if they alone knew anything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for girls, they are forward, immodest, and unwomanly in speech, behaviour, and dress." A good summary of the day, isn't it? But this, mark you, came from an address by Peter the Hermit in 1274! So things haven't changed much, have they?

      We see that whilst it is true that some teenagers are all these things, many more are good, and desirable, and capable of taking over the reins when we give up control. So, whilst we are in control a tremendous responsibility is ours.

      I think that we need to get one thing clear. It is perfectly natural for a teenager (as it is for any other age), to worship God, but it must be admitted that the way we like to do things is not always appealing to them. They generally like meetings with life and spirit, and singing that has a swing, and a lot of noise. Often it is not the poetry or the message that appeals, but rather the melody and the rhythm. Or, on the other hand, there is that group that gets over sentimental and are, as we say, "So heavenly minded that they are no earthly use." Perhaps because there

is so little expression of love, and so much tension in the homes of these particular young people, that they find expression in this often cloying way of worship.

      Well, instead of getting impatient with these youngsters, try remembering. Say "What was I like?" I can remember the time when I longed to get into the back seat during the church service. I managed it once, and had a lovely giggle, and I remember more of that sermon than many another when I sat with my mother. The preacher was very fond of two expressions--"Oh yes" and "Oh no." I can still remember them.

      Let's not despair of our modern youth then, but rather to try to find out how we can lead them to want the best that life can give them.

      Young people do respond! I would like to tell you of two instances in Sydney where this has happened to a remarkable degree. You have all heard of Alan Walker, of the Methodist Church. He was appointed to a district that simply teemed with people--many living in flats and rooms. Yet church life appeared almost dead. They had a lovely building, with approximately fifty people attending. After six months of reviewing the situation, Mr. Walker, with a band of influential Christian friends, and with God's guidance, was able to convert a dream into reality, and the Waverley Christian Community Centre was born. The response was marvellous. I think that it was only five years later that they had contact with three thousand young people every week, and the work was still growing. On one Lord's Day morning the right hand of Christian fellowship was extended to one hundred and twenty-six new members, most of them young people. From this same church twelve young men entered the ministry in one year.

      Then there is Gordon Powell, of St. Stephens Presbyterian Church. He has a midweek lunch hour service, each Wednesday, at which thirteen hundred people attend. This, by the way, is the largest midweek service in the world. Most of those attending are young. They come from nearby offices and business houses, and many nurses from a neighbouring hospital are there, too. It doesn't matter to which church they belong, they are all welcome, and it really is a case of being "all one in Christ Jesus." All denominational barriers are down, and a thrilling time with the Lord is had, and most of these young people are unwilling to miss a service if they can possibly help it.

The Redeemed Family.

      It would appear that those who have studied the teenager question in its entirety are unanimous in the fact that the breakdown with them comes mainly in the home--which of course tosses it right back in our laps.

      Well, what can we do about it? If we want our own young people to know and love God, then, we need to face up to our own position. Are we happy doing things for Christ and His church, or do we grizzle about how many appeals are made, and how much we are asked to give? Are we displeased when our husbands leave us alone at night to attend meetings at the church building, or to help in working bees? Do we find fault with others in the church? Are we irritable at home? Do we look forward to all the services that are held, or do we only go if it is convenient? I think that all of us are guilty of at least one of these, shall we say "indiscretions." But I don't think that we deliberately mean to let the Master down.

      Our children see us with barriers down. The way we act is the way Christians act, as they see it. It is not sufficient to tell them what they must do, but to try to do it together.

      The Child Welfare Department of New South Wales has put out a booklet entitled "Children Need Care", in which the following eight points are stressed--that a child needs love, security, protection, acceptance at all times, a spirit of independence, guidance, discipline, and faith.

The Real Faith.

      The question was put to me "What do you do when a teenager refuses to go to Church?" I can only say "I don't know, because I haven't had to face that yet. I hope I won't have to." I feel that if we are really consistent, in all phases of our own spiritual relationship, with God, then it is less likely that our young people will rebel against Him.

      So, whether our children are small, or adolescent, I feel that these words of J. Edgar Hoover, who is Director of the F.B.I. in the United States, are well worth thinking about--"Shall I make my child go to Sunday School and Church? Yes! And with no further discussion about the matter. Startled? Why?

      "How do you answer Junior when he comes to breakfast on Sunday morning and announces to you that he is not going to Sunday School any more? You know! Junior goes.

      "How do you answer when Junior comes in very much besmudged and says, 'I'm not going to take a bath.'? Junior bathes, doesn't he?

      "Why all this timidity then, in the realm of his spiritual guidance and growth? Going to let him wait and decide what church he'll go to when he's old enough? Quit your kidding! You didn't wait until you were old enough? You don't wait until he's old enough to decide whether he wants to go to school or not--to start his education. You don't wait until he's old enough to decide whether he wishes to be clean or dirty, do you? Do you wait until he's old enough to decide if he wants to take his medicine when he is sick? Do you?

      "What shall we say when Junior announces that he doesn't like to go to Sunday School and Church? That's an easy one to answer. Just be consistent. Tell him, 'Junior, in our house, we all go to Sunday School and Church and that includes you.' Your firmness and example will furnish a bridge over which youthful rebellion may travel into rich and satisfying experience in personal living.

      "The parents of America can strike a telling blow against the forces which contribute to our juvenile delinquency, if our mothers and fathers take their children to Sunday School and Church regularly." And that can apply to Australia as well as to America.

      As we try to bring all the threads of our discussion together, I would like to emphasise a thought that has already been brought out--that we are not just parents, but Christian parents. And this should make all the difference. Let us take three of the ideas we have learned from Christ, and apply them to our teenage problem.

      First, there is the sense of stewardship, that life is a gift from God to be wisely used. This is so often applied only to money, but is applicable to our time, our talents, and also our children. For they are gifts from God. Every mother feels this when the miracle of birth takes place, but often forgets it when the helpless infant turns into a grubby little boy or an awkward teenager. If we can constantly remember this fact, surely we will not become overwhelming, over-loving, over-demanding parents, who must keep their children tied to their apron-strings all their lives, unable to develop any life or personality of their own. Nor will we go to the other extreme and become so indifferent that we cease to care what they are doing. But with God to help us, and because we realise they are His children, we will give them freedom to develop, and yet an assurance that we are standing behind them, however far in the background we may be.

      A second thing we have learned from Christ is that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We say this at church, and we know in our hearts that it is true, but will we admit to our children? Never! While they are small we may get away with this

front of perfection that we put on--"Mother knows best"--but when they become half-child, half-adult, we cannot keep up this pretence. We do make mistakes, we don't always know best, we are not perfect, and we must admit it, or run the risk of having our children despise us for our insincerity, and our failure to put into practice those things we say we believe.

      Thirdly, we have learned from Christ the greatest thing in the world, perfect love. And perfect love is what we need most in our families. We must seek God's guidance as we examine the sort of love we have for our teenager, and we must ask Him to purge our love of all selfishness.

      When we urge on the clever child (or the unclever child) do we do it because we love him, or to satisfy our own pride? When we disapprove of their pleasures, are we doing it through love, or are we jealous because their bright lives make ours seem so dull? When we stop our children from going into any sort of danger, are we loving them, or are we afraid for our own sense of fear? Only love will help us to overcome the selfishness that so besets us.

      The time of adolescence is a difficult time for the boy and girl, because they are turning into adults. And it is a difficult time for the parents, because the picture they have in their minds of their children often turns out to be wrong. The gentle little boy has found a shocking vocabulary, the charming little girl has become an empty-headed minx. Mothers long to interfere, to get back the child they knew, but they face an unknown person, a new personality in the making.

      Only perfect love and perfect understanding will get us over this hurdle, until at last they do become adults, and we hand over the running of the world to them, our sons and daughters. They will move forward into new conventions, new experiences, and new life, and behind them will be all the values, and the faith and help and love that we have given them.

      I close with this quotation, which is a healthy reminder for all parents--"You may give them your love, but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies, but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow.

      You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you, for life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday."

CONTRIBUTORS:

      Mrs. Beverley White is a member of the church at North Essendon.
      Mrs. Netta Newham is a member of the church at Surrey Hills.
      Mrs. May Reed is a member of the church at Ivanhoe.
      Mrs. Beryl Amos is a member of the church at Blackburn.

      "These talks were given at the Annual Rally of the C.W.F. (Evening Groups), which was held at Lygon Street Church of Christ, during October 1958, and were greatly appreciated. We are glad to reproduce them here."