There are certain things I then experienced, now plain in my mind, and which lead me to believe that I then experienced the washing of regeneration and the renewing of the /61/ Holy Ghost, which are the following: 1. Whereas before this, my mind was dark, it then became light in the Lord. This was then my experienced; "God who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shines into our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." I am now certain that at that time my mind was enlightened to behold the glory of God in the face of Jesus, as I had never before seen it, and it was the same in nature, as I have experienced since; though it was small then to what it has appeared since. The truth of the following I then experienced, Eph. i. 18, "The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints." Being enlightened, I saw light, according to the words of Peter; 1 Pet. ii. 9, "That ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light." Another place of scripture was experienced as true by me: 2 Cor. iii. 18, "But we all with open face, beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the spirit of the Lord." It is certain that at that time, a very great change took place in my mind, even into the very image and temper of him whose glory I beheld. This was done by the spirit of God, for no bad spirit could produce such an happy change, and it was surely not in my power to /62/ produce such a great and happy change in myself.

2. That guilt, pollution, and condemnation which I had felt, more or less, for several years, was then removed, so that my mind was as clear from it all, as though I had never committed a sin. This could not be imagination, because my guilt, pollution, and condemnation was real, and the change was of course a reality. This agrees with what is written upon the subject in the New Testament: 1 Cor. vi. 11, "And such were some of you; but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified, in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the spirit of our God." This washing and being cleansed from condemnation, is mentioned and described by Paul, Titus ii. 4, 5, 6, 7, "But after the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared; not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy ghost, which he shed on us abundantly, through Jesus Christ our Saviour; that being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life." Such things as these cannot be the effect of imagination, but are from the spirit of truth.

3. At that time there was a new principle written on my heart, which I certainly never felt before, and though at that time I could no more describe it, than the Israelites could the manna, yet I knew the good and sweetness /63/ of it, as they did of the manna, when they said, "What is this?" that principle I consider the law of God written in the heart, or in other words, "the love of God shed abroad in the heart, by the Holy Ghost." This is mentioned by Paul as peculiar to all who are born of God. Heb. viii. 10, "I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts." this law is love, and comes by the Holy Ghost. Rom. v. 5, "And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." It is this principle in the heart which causes men to love righteousness, and hate iniquity.

4. Another thing I remember which has been ever plain to me; that is, love to such as give an evidence that they are born of God. Before this, I considered that good men were to be respected, and did not doubt that they would be happy at last; but it was no pleasure to me to be in their company, nor did I feel any union to them till the day God shined into him heart. At that time my affections were fixed on them, as the excellent of the earth in whom was all my delight. A pious uncle of mine, used often to tell me of my need of a Saviour, which led me to avoid his company when it could be done; but the day I experienced such a change, I felt a peculiar union to him, and felt desirous to see him more than any other person on earth. This love to the saints, John mentions as an evidence of our being delivered from a state of /64/ condemnation, 1 John iii. 14, "We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren; he that loveth not his brother abideth in death." Paul mentions the same thing, and tells us that love to the brethren, is the evidence of being taught of God. 1 Thes. iv. 9, "But as touching brotherly love, ye need not that I write unto you; for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another."

5. Another thing I realized as true that day, that was, a victory over the world. The moment the glory of God and Lamb was manifested to me, all the glory of worldly riches, honors, and pleasures, were gone, as the light of the moon is done away by the greater light of the sun. All in the world; which is contrary to God and holiness, is summed up in three things: the lust of the flesh; the lust of the eyes; and the pride of life. These are not of the Father, and the person who delights in these three things, the love of the Father is not in him. John says, "Whosoever is born of God overcometh the world, and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God." 1 John v. 4. Where there is victory, there is no love to that we overcome. I believe there are many people who leave things that are wrong, when it would be their choice to enjoy them, were it not for the dangerous consequences which attend those things. This is not overcoming /65/ the world. There are many people who desist from the sinful courses they once pursued, and yet they do not appear happy in the things of God and Christ; the reason is, they have retreated, and not overcome.

6. The day God shined into my heart, the glory of the world to come appeared to me as it never had before. I had often heard people tell of the world to come; but it always appeared a thing so far off, that there was but little or no encouragement to look for it; but when the spirit of God enlightened my mind, it shewed me things to come, according to the words of Paul, "Looking for that blessed hope, and glorious appearing of the great God, and our Saviour Jesus Christ."

7. Another thing appeared plain to me. The thought of death and judgment, had always been terrible. Many times when I opened the bible and looked upon the twenty-fourth and twenty-fifth chapters of Matthew, my mind was so filled with horror at the description given there of the last day, that after reading a little, I would shut up the book, or turn to some other place to read. After that day, there was no terror in death, nor the judgment, for many months. Death was overcome, and there was a way to have boldness in the day of judgment. It does not now appear to me that I so much rejoiced about myself, as in the glorious things which were manifested to my understanding. Self was not the subject, but God, Christ, and the things revealed by the spirit; nor did I, for /66/ some time, rejoice in thinking I was born again, but in the glorious things revealed to me by the spirit.

8. Another thing experienced at that time, was this; such an understanding of the scriptures as I had not known before. It had been my practice to read the bible some, for many years, and to commit it to memory; but never saw a beauty in it till that day and afterwards. Though my eyes were so weak that I could not look in the book but a few minutes, without being almost blind, yet the sweetness of its contents made me desirous to read, and it appeared to me that every place I read was the best in the whole bible. This understanding of the scriptures, given in a short time, leads me to believe that the same spirit which led the prophets and apostles to understand and write, taught me the meaning of what they have written. this agrees with the words of Christ and the apostles. Christ said, "No man knoweth the son but he to whom the father will reveal him." When Peter said, "thou art the Christ, the son of the living God," Jesus said, "Blessed art thou Simon Bar-Jona, for flesh and blood hath not revealed this unto thee, but my father which is in heaven." "Then opened he their understanding, that they might understand the scriptures." Paul says, "The natural man receiveth not the things of the spirit of God; for they are foolishness unto him; neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." i. Cor. ii. 14. God reveals /67/ these things to men by his spirit. "The entrance of thy word giveth light; yea it giveth understanding to the simple."

9. One thing more shall be mentioned which I then received; that is, a spirit of praise and prayer. The first thing I did was to praise God, and in this all creation joined. Praise for all I saw and enjoyed was of course, and a spirit of prayer that I might see and enjoy more, and never live as heretofore. I had often before this, prayed as the publican did, "God be merciful to me a sinner," but never knew the spirit of adoption, leading me to cry, "Abba Father."

Though all these things were wrought in my mind at once, yet I could not then distinguish them as afterwards. To bring a similitude, it appears to me like this: when a child is born, he has all the features of a man; he is a man in miniature, and is called a man-child. As he increases in stature, every part increases in proportion with his stature, till he arrives to the size of a man. So it is with those who are born of God.

Some, perhaps, who read this may say, "I cannot give such an account of being born again, as this." Perhaps they cannot, but ask them if they never felt the same principle in their hearts, and they will, if born again, say, "yes."

It will here be needful to notice, that there are a diversity of operations by the same spirit. All who are born again do not experience the same operations, though all such know /68/ the same things, in a greater or less degree. After Christ was risen from the dead, he made himself known to his disciples in different forms, but he was the same Christ; and the knowledge of him amounted to the same, as each one who had seen him after his resurrection could say, "the Lord is risen indeed." Should an hundred people meet from different and distant parts of the country, and all be in one place, would any one doubt of his being there, because he came from the east, while another came from the west? Surely no. Would any one doubt of his being there because he came only one mile, when another came an hundred miles? No, he would think himself as really there as the other.

The first day of experiencing this change, was the happiest day I had ever known, yea, this was the first day of knowing real peace and joy; all beside had but the name of happiness, when compared to the joy which comes to such as believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. this day every thing appeared right. I had long thought that God hated his creatures, or at least the greater part of them. the change which at first appeared to be in my Creator, I found afterwards was in me. He had always been love, and when his spirit made the change in me, I then knew what God was. "God is love." Soon after this great change, these questions came into my mind, "Why did I not experience this before?" The answer was, "Because I was not willing to receive that which made the /69/ change; the spirit of truth." The next question was this, "How came I to have it now? The answer was, "Because God was willing to bestow it upon me, after I had so long resisted his spirit." Here is neither calvinism, arminianism, nor freewillism, but the truth. So I was first taught, so I know believe and preach. God is ready to save them that believe. Christ became the author of eternal salvation to all them that obey him. All who looked to the brazen serpent were healed; all who believe in Christ have eternal life. The brazen serpent did not heal them; looking did not heal; but God healed such as beheld the serpent of brass. Believing does not save us, but God has commanded us to believe in his Son, who is able to save them to the uttermost who come unto God through him.

This change which I had experienced was for some time unknown to any but myself; and sometimes it was my determination to keep it to myself; thinking if it was a reality, I might enjoy it, without others knowing it, and if all my happiness should come to an end, it would be best not to let my short lived joy be known. No person can tell, unless he has felt the same, the comfort I enjoyed in secret prayer, in singing praises to God, and in reading the scriptures. Besides this, my /70/ happiness was greatly increased by attending public worship. Every part was joy to me. Singing, praying, preaching, exhortations, &c. gave me great pleasure. Every exercise which had Christ in it, was joy to me. In the month of April, 1785, thirty years ago this month, [April, 1515] there was a revival of religion in the south part of the town, which took place soon after the raging disorder took away the youth in such a sudden manner. In this revival, several young people professed to be converted to God. Hearing them tell what they had experienced, gave me great joy, as they spake of the same things I had experienced; this led me to hope I had passed from death to life. I reasoned thus: these converts know what I know. They have never heard what I have experienced, yet they know it. They are certainly born again, and as my experience agrees with theirs, it must be true that I am born again. They were forward in praying and speaking in small meetings; this I could not do, and on that account often thought my experience was not like theirs. Sometimes when with two or three of them, I would try to pray, but could say only a few words before my mind would be wholly shut up, which led me to think, at times, that all my religion was imaginary. Sometimes I would try to feel the same distress I had felt before the first relief came to my mind. This I could not do; as that was washed away. Sometimes this thought would pass through my mind, "I am not /71/ converted right, I will put this all away, and begin again." All these resolves did not remove my love to prayer, praise, the word, saints, and public worship; nor did they cause me to feel the spirit of bondage again to fear. Often did I wish that my experience was as clear as others appeared to me, and that I had as clear an evidence of passing from death to life as others enjoyed. At that time I thought a real christian felt as holy as an angel, and that he felt nothing in himself wrong, or unlike God. When I saw an old christian, this thought would run through my mind; "O, that I felt as holy as you do; if I did, my acceptance with God would be certain to me." One day, being in company with a man whom I considered a real christian, it came into my mind to ask him if he ever felt any thing wrong in his mind, or sinful, since he was converted. He at once told me he did. I then told him that it appeared to me if a man was a christian, he would feel himself entirely free from every thing wrong. He replied, "you are in a great mistake; this I can easily prove to you." This roused all my powers, and I at once desired him to prove what he had said. He asked me if I believed Abraham was a good man. Yes. "Well, (said he,) when Abraham was about to pray for Sodom, he said, "I, who am but dust and ashes, take it upon me to speak to the Almighty." Now, said he, what can be meaner than dust and ashes? So Abraham viewed himself. Job, said he, was doubtless a good /72/ man, and he said, "I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes." He said, "If I say I am perfect this also will prove me perverse." He also stated that Paul was a good man, and yet said, when he would do good, evil was present with him, and viewing himself, he exclaimed, "O, wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death!"

The old man father stated, that when a man talked of his goodness, and that he was more holy than others, it was a certain sign of his being an hypocrite; for one said, "God I thank thee that I am not as other men." Such say, "Stand by thyself, come not near for I am holier than thou." He further noticed that when the sun shone into the room, we could discover thousands of dusts in the sunbeams, which could not be seen in any other part of the room; so, said he, when God shines into our hearts, we discover what had been there before, and on this account, a young convert often thinks there is more wickedness in his heart, than he ever had before; but this is not true; he then only sees what he has always been.

This was new doctrine to me, and encouraged me to think I had experienced that which christians knew. This conversation strengthened me so much, that I felt determined to tell him what I had experienced. He was very attentive to what I related. After hearing me through, he observed that he had for some time thought I had experienced a /73/ change, and hoped I would persevere. This conversation served to strengthen my mind, and led me often to rejoice in hope.

This year was a year of trouble to the inhabitants of Woodstock, and several other new towns, on account of the severity of the season, and the scarcity of provision. On the 17th of April, the snow in the woods was four and half feet deep, and the 21st of May, there were large banks of snow on the north side of the hills. This was a melancholly appearance indeed! It looked as though seed time would not come. Provisions of every kind were very scarce, and but few people had enough to last them till harvest. My father concluded we must work out by the month till after harvest, as he knew of no other way for us to live. This did not trouble me, as every thing to me was right, and my mind was reconciled to what was right however hard it might appear. On the first of May, I went to work with Jonathan Farnsworth, who lived near my father's house. My engagement was for one month. My work was not hard on account of the happiness I enjoyed in my mind. This was the happiest month I had ever known. All the leisure time I had was spent either in reading, praying, singing, conversing on the glory of Christ, or attending meetings with the converts.

I found a small pamphlet of hymns published by Sampson Occum; these were upon christian experience, and peculiarly pleasing to me. I carried my hymn book in my pocket, and when at work in the field, while my oxen were resting, would read or sing my experimental hymns, which contained a constant feast. Sometimes while walking through the fields alone, and meditating on the glory to come, my desire was to be gone from earth, to be with Christ which is far better. Many times in that month, did I wish it might be my lot to leave all below. There was no terror in death to me; it appeared the gate of endless joy; nor did I dread to enter there. there was neither riches, honor or pleasures on earth that appeared worth my stay. Sometimes in the night, while meditating on the glory of God and Christ, my mind was so raised above things earthly, that I scarcely knew where I was. In this month, as soon as the birds began to sing in the morning, I would rise and go to a certain place in the woods near the house to pray. In that place I often enjoyed what kinds and princes never knew, unless they knew the Lord of Glory. These things were not imaginary, but a reality, known in a greater or less degree by all who are born of God.

Notwithstanding the enjoyment which I had in the things taught by the spirit, oftentimes a small cloud would hide the sun of righteousness from my view, and cause me to doubt whether Christ was mine or not. If /75/ at any time sinful thoughts were allowed; if I omitted any particular duty, or let my mind rove from the mark, this conclusion would arise in my mind: "I have forsaken the Lord, and now he has forsaken me." One thing dwelt much on my mind, which was, that my experience was not so great to me as others was to them, and was often led to say, "if I had as great an evidence as such ones, my doubts would all be gone forever." There were two young men who professed to be converted, and who gave me a very clear evidence that they were born of God; they often prayed and spake in public meetings. O, though I, if my evidence was like theirs, my hope would be forever firm! About this time, I dreamed, that an angel came to me, and said, "you often doubt whether you have passed from death to life, and think if you were as certain of your own conversion as you are of others, you should doubt no more. I am sent to try you and the other two young men, that you may know what your situation is. You and they are to be tried by fire, and those who endure the trial are right, and those who do not will not stand." this gave my mind a shock; yet in my dream told the angel, my wish was to be right, and if I was not so, it was best to know it now. I dreamed that he put two sticks into the ground, and laid a pole across the top of the two, and made a fire under the pole he laid across. After doing this, he took three long pieces of bark, that would go over the pole, and each /76/ end lie on the ground; when he had done this, he made a fire under one of the pieces which reached it and burnt it off. As if fell he said, such an one is gone, he will fall away. this was one of the young men which gave me such an evidence of being converted. After this he put a fire under the second, which was the way the other young man was to be tried. this soon burnt off, and as if fell he said, the other one would not endure long. This in my dream filled me with great trouble, as I concluded, if these two failed, there was no hope for me; and that I was gone forever. He then put the fire under the third; I stood and saw the blaze touch the bark, so that it was considerable scorched; but before it burnt, the angel threw water on, which kept it in that situation till the fire was gone out. When the fire was done, I was in my dream so affected with what had taken place, that I rose form the place where I sat, and wept much at the thought of being the only one of the three that should endure. While in this weeping situation, I dreamed that the angel came to me as I sat weeping, and putting his right hand on my shoulder, he mildly said, "Weep not at this, the Lord has appeared for you, and will preserve you, for he has a great work for you to do in the world." This affected me more than all I had seen before. Being much agitated with what was said and done, I awoke, and was in the same situation that I dreamed of being in. My face was bathed in tears, and my pillow was wet with /77/ my weeping. I thought of my dream, but concluded it could not be true as it respected the two young men or myself. I felt a calmness of mind, and every circumstance of my dream appeared solemn to me. It was not long after this, that my dream began to be fulfilled. The oldest of the two young man, began after a while to grow indifferent to the things of religion, and at last became an open opposer of the things he once recommended to others, and before one year from that, he returned like the dog to his vomit, and the sow that was washed, to her wallowing in the mire. After thus falling away, he became intemperate and a despiser of those that were good, and so remained till the year 1814, when he was taken with a fever, and in his sickness blasphemed the God of heaven, even till his latest breath. Thus he ended his wretched course, after turning from the holy commandment once delivered unto him.

The other young man after a few months, appeared to give up his hope in Christ, and so remained until he was about twenty years old. At that time there was a general reformation, and he among others was brought to rejoice in the Lord, was baptized, and in a few years after became a preacher of the everlasting gospel, and he remains to this day, in a good degree a faithful minister of Jesus Christ.

Not long after this dream, my mind was considerably exercised concerning baptism; and in proportion as I considered myself a believer in Christ, in the same proportion I considered it my duty to be baptized after the example of Christ, and according to his express command. Being young, and not much acquainted with the subject, nor with the disputes which had been in the world, I considered that sprinkling children, and baptizing by burying believers were both right, because I knew both were done by good people. As I had been sprinkled once, it appeared to me needless to have it done again; for if it answered the purpose designed for, it need not be repeated, and if it ought to be done again, it was of no service the first time. this subject then seemed to me as it does to many now; a matter of indifference as to the mode or subject, allowing it is done somehow and called baptism. My ignorance of the meaning of baptism, was the cause of such a loose opinion of an express command of Jesus Christ. After thinking and conversing some upon the subject, and being by some advised to be baptized, I concluded to have some conversation with my old uncle, who had used such violence when I was sprinkled. He had many good books, was a man that read much, and preached sometimes. One day being at his house, I introduced the subject of baptism, and wished his mind upon it. He very /79/ candidly told me he held to infant baptism, and was entirely satisfied with it, and that as I had been christened it was enough, and that I might as well be contented with it, observing that when the baptists began to talk upon that it always made a stir. He also stated that if he had time he would prove to me that infant baptism was right, and a command of God. This pleased me much, as I was willing to believe it true, if it was in the bible. This ended the conversation for that time. After leaving him, I began to search the new-testament to see how baptism stood there. My eyes being very weak, I could read but very little; however, a circumstance occurred, about that time, which greatly assisted me. Another uncle, who first shewed me the geography, knowing the disadvantages I was under, my taste for reading, and having a particular regard for me, said he had a pair of green-glasses, which would help me to read with ease. He lent them to me, and I found that they were a great help, as with them I could read hours without any pain in my eyes. Those I kept till I owned a pair, and have used them to this day, and notwithstanding I have read and wrote so much for thirteen years past, my sight is now as good as it was thirty years ago. Having this new and unexpected help, I searched the new-testament carefully, and found infant baptism was not there. Being convinced that believer's baptism was the only one mentioned in the bible, I went again to /80/ converse with my uncle. After some conversation, I asked him where the place was that spake of infant baptism. He said he did not then remember. I desired him to see if he could find it. He then said it came in the room of circumcision. Then I asked him to tell me where the bible said do. He replied, Mr. Flavel said so, and that it was not best for him or me to contradict so great and good a man as Mr. Flavel. I then asked him if Mr. Flavel was the bible; he said no, but he was as likely to know what was right as any man; for he did not think such a good man would say so, if he did not know certain. I then told him that infant baptism was not in the new-testament, and that I did not believe it was in the bible, for if it was, he would at least know one place. He said he could prove it, if he had time. this he had till he died, but never told me where to read it in the bible.

Through the summer, my mind was calm, and the world with all its pomp withdrew. One thing which caused me to doubt was this: I had often heard old professors of religion tell about a "law work"; this I had never experienced, and thought from this, that no one was converted to God unless he had experienced the law work. They said a person must first be under the terrors of the law, and be slain by the law before they could be saved by Christ. One old minister said a person could not be converted, unless he was under the law at least six weeks! I once heard Dr. Samuel /81/ Shepherd say, "that such preachers thought a person must be hammered upon Moses' anvil, to fit them to be filed off by the gospel." This law work is something that never takes place; what some call the law work, is the world of that gospel that comes not in word, but also in power, the Holy Ghost, and much assurance. The spirit reproves the world of sin, of righteousness, and judgment. It was the spirit of truth, which caused Peter's hearers to be priced in the heart, and not the law of Moses. Men who preach that a sinner is as dead as Lazarus in the grave, are inconsistent in saying such must be slain by the law; as it would be difficult to shew how a dead man could be slain. What long time had Peter's hearers, the jailor, or Paul, to experience this long law work? The fact is, if a person loves the brethren, he has passed from death to life, and John says, we know it is so.

Another thing greatly troubled me, and prevented my submitting to baptism. I had often heard Christian people tell of God's justice; and that no person could be converted to God, unless he had viewed the glory of God's justice. This I believed, but did not know as my mind had been particularly led into that; though before I ever found any peace, it appeared to me just to be cast off forever, for my sins against a God who was just in all his ways. One day, while walking through a piece of ground where the trees stood thick on each side of the road, my mind was remarkably solemn, while viewing the /82/ works of God around me. Amidst this solemnity, this thought came into my mind: O, that I could see God's justice, as I have often heard christians say they have seen it! In an instant it appeared to me that a light from heaven shone around me, and that justice was manifested to my understanding; which I then thought meant the righteousness of God in all his dealings with the children of men. It was then plain to me, that if men were saved or lost, God would be just; and I then loved God because he was righteous in all things. this passed through my mind: "If all the saints and angels praise God for his love, I shall praise him for his justice." O what glory appeared in justice! It appeared to me thus, "If I had not been justly condemned, it would have been impossible for me to have been justified, as one who deserved to die; and God has set forth his son to be a propitiation, that he might be just, and the justifier of him that believeth in Jesus." There is one thing needful to be mentioned here, that is, a principle advanced by some, that a man cannot be saved, unless he is willing to be damned. This is false doctrine, and ought never to be credited by any man. No man can see the propriety of being forgiven, unless he sees it just for him to be punished according to his crime; for a man to see he justly deserves to die, is one thing; to be willing to have the sentence of death executed on him is another. If a man is willing to be damned, he must be willing to remain /83/ in a state of condemnation, for no others can be lost. when I hear such doctrine as this advanced, I think that such men know they preach damnable doctrine, for a living, and that they mean to have the consent of their hearers before they do it.

This manifestation of justice to my mind was enough to remove every objection out of the way, as to being baptized; but still I shrunk back, and kept delaying a known duty, till in a few months, the beauty of the command disappeared, and by disobedience I lost, by little and little, the sweet enjoyment, which is the certain fruit of obedience, and in the course of about six months, was better pleased with my situation, than though I had been baptized. Neglecting this duty, led me to neglect other things commanded; as these things were neglected, my evidence of being purged from my old sins lessened, until at last I concluded that the change experienced, was not such as made me an heir of God and joint heir with Christ. Should any one ever read this, who has known the forgiveness of sins, and peace with God; be intreated to follow Christ in baptism, and in all things commanded; so you will be kept from the evil in the world, live near to God, have peace in your own minds, and be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Though I had, before one year, lost much of the enjoyment which was so great for several months, yet I never after went into those sinful courses which many of my age often are found in. The people called saints, I ever after considered the excellent of the earth. when I heard good preaching, it did me good, fed my mind, and I spared no pains to hear those preachers who were in the spirit of the gospel. The winter after I had this change, two baptist preachers came to preach at the house of Jabez Cottle, Esq. in Woodstock, and a young man, an exhorter, by the name of Joshua Smith. The name of one preacher was Daniel Hibbard, and the other Thomes Baldwin. The last named now lives in Boston, and is styled Rev. Thomas Baldwin, D. D. and wears a dress something like that worn by the ancient pagan priests, called a surplice. He was then called Elder Baldwin. I was exceedingly charmed with the man; he was then about thirty years old; was a well built man, plainly dressed; and I believe felt the glory of God's grace in his heart. Elder Hibbard began the meeting by prayer and singing, and after singing, he said in my hearing, "Brother Baldwin I believe you must preach, for I do not feel my mind free." Soon after he spake, Elder Baldwin, came forward to the place where the preacher was to stand, and took up the bible and read for his text these words: Heb. xi. 17, "By /85/ faith Abraham, when he was tried, offered up Isaac; and he that had received the promises, offered up his only begotten son." Every thing about the man pleased me. His countenance was pleasant, his voice melodious, and his subject remarkably engaging. When he described the conduct of Abraham, in offering up his son, I now remember some of the words he said" "Did he, said the preacher, like David, go crying up to the house top, saying O my son Isaac, would to God I had died for thee. No, no, my brethren, but without a murmuring thought, or word, prepared the altar, the wood, and bound on his son, determined to obey his God, though it should take from him his son, his beloved Isaac!" I then said, never man spake like this man. Never before did I feel so strong an union to any man as to that man, and that union has continued to this day, and I believe will, till death parts us; and I yet hope to meet him among the redeemed, and set down with him in the kingdom, with Abraham, and Isaac too, and go no more out. when duty called me to part from him, about eleven years ago, it was the hardest parting I ever knew before. In the afternoon, Elder Hibbard preached from Psal. cxxvi. 3, "The Lord has done great things for us, whereof we are glad." He preached well, but not like the other man. After he had done, the young man delivered a very solemn exhortation; and though I had almost concluded that my hope in Christ was /86/ not to be depended on, yet this was a good day to me.

Having neglected to obey Christ in being baptized, and in consequence of this, neglected other things required of a christian, my mind began to cleave to the earth by little and little, until I was quite destitute of heavenly enjoyment, though not of the knowledge of things heavenly. My being naturally of a very bashful turn, kept me from many things which others ran into; and in addition to this, I felt an aversion to company; and many times, when young people came to my father's house, I would retire to the barn, and stay there in the cold, rather than be with them. One reason of this was, I concluded that I had not common sense, or not sense like other young people; and that by keeping from them, they would not know how great a fool I was.

The summer I entered my eighteenth year, the knowledge of heavenly things received, was so much, as to keep from a sinful course of life; and an idea of my own importance, which was beyond what it ought to be, fired me with zeal to make myself respected among those of my age, and others of my acquaintance.

This summer I worked for my uncle, who was the cause of my being sprinkled. My chief employment was hewing timber. While in his employ, I had an opportunity to peruse many of his books, which was afterwards of great advantage to me. It was here that I /87/ first heard of such a science as logic; and this was by mere accident. A baptist preacher, by the name of Joel Butler, was at my uncle's house, and just before he went out at the door, he said to my uncle, "Have you Watts' logic?" He answered, yes. "Will you land it to me a few days?" My uncle said he would, and handed it to him. this seemed to me a strange title for a book, and I enquired the meaning of it. After it was returned, my uncle gave me liberty to read it at his house, but would not let me carry it away. I read it every opportunity, for two or three years, when at his house. He shewed me another book called, "Watts' supplement to his logic." This book was the greatest help to me, in laying a foundation for reading, and acquiring knowledge afterwards, of any other book I had ever read. In one chapter was contained, rules for helping the memory, and this I greatly needed, as it appeared to me that no one had a memory so weak as mine. It was ever difficult for me, before this time, to remember any story, so as to tell it again intelligibly; and often, when attempting to relate any thing, some one would interrupt me by saying, " If I were in your place, I would never tell any thing till I could remember it, so as to let people know what I meant."

Through this summer, my leisure hours were improved in reading all the useful books I could find. Whenever I went into any house, it was my practice to ask the privilege of reading any book or books in sight. /88/ Knowing my ignorance, and thinking my natural abilities were small, and feeling the disadvantages of such inferiority, I was determined to rise above it if possible. Being in a new country, where there was no advantage of a school, nor many to teach me; being poor, and obliged to labor constantly; it was hard gaining knowledge, barely by such dead teachers as books, which spake only to my eyes, and never repeated their meaning in other words. It was this summer, that I first heard of such a science as rhetoric. This I read with as much eagerness as an hungry man would eat, after long abstinence. Looks, tones, gestures, motions of the head, hands and body, cadence, emphasis, &c. were strange things to me, as described in a book; and I concluded there were, or had been, men in the world, who knew more than ever entered into my mind, or ever would. At this time, all I wanted, was to be freed from labor with my hands, and have the privilege of acquiring such knowledge, as would make me useful to myself and others; this I wished, but never expected. This year, however, was almost the last year of hard labor with my hands. In the latter part of the summer, after entering my eighteenth year, by overdoing, I had an uncommon faintness at my stomach, caused partly by hard work, and partly by reading, and thinking so intensely upon what I had read, in order to retain it in memory. For some time I did not labor any, though my book was either in my pocket, or open /89/ before my eyes. My father thought reading hurt me more than hard work, and told me to desist for a while; but this was an hard saying, and lest he should be displeased, I frequently went into the wilderness, and there spent the day in reading such books as were in my possession. In September, my father proposed to me, to take a journey to Connecticut; thinking a change of climate, and the salt water, would help me. This I did, and after six weeks, returned home, feeling some relieved of that faintness which I had, for several weeks been exercised with. Soon after my return, Jabez Cottle, Esq. who had been a peculiar friend to me, proposed to me to take a school one month, as they wished the school to continue longer than their teacher could attend. The thing was proposed to my father; whose only objection was, that I had no learning. My friend Cottle told him I could teach the children A, B, C, and ab, and that was the chief the children needed to be taught. Under every disadvantage, to appearance, I entered the school-house on Monday morning, and soon there gathered around me a little company of scholars, who began to call me master; though I was almost as unfit for an instructor as those who came to be taught; however, I was determined to do the best in my power, knowing an angel could do no better. Without any doubt my appearance as a school-master was rather awkward, for I could write but poorly, and did not understand the rules of reading; and, to save /90/ my life, could enumerate only three figures. My wages was four dollars for the month, to be paid in wheat, at five shillings per bushel, and boarded at the expence of the district.

My scholars, and their parents, appeared contented with their young teacher; and it so happened that there was no one of them that knew so much as I did; and as they could gain in knowledge, they spake well of their master, and he, in return, encouraged them to proceed. At first I was afraid they would overtake me, but soon found I could learn faster than my scholars. this month I improved, when out of school, in gaining all the useful knowledge possible for me to gain. It was my practice to rise early, and commit to memory a lesson from "Fenner's grammar." My time of study was from day light till five minutes before nine o'clock; that time it took me to go to the school-house. My intermission was one hour. Part of this time was employed in reading my lesson. At four o'clock in the afternoon, my school was out; so that I had from that time till nine o'clock, to pursue my study, which time I daily improved. Many times I lay hours, in fixing my lesson in my memory, and endeavoring to find the meaning of what the writer said.

When other young people were spending their time in amusements to no profit, mine was taken up in gaining something that might be useful in a future day. They called me a fool; this did not trouble me, as their opinion was only what was my own; and a fool /91/ appeared to me, such a disagreeable being, that it was my determination, if possible, to get rid of that which made me one, which was ignorance and folly. I thought that possessing what wise men possessed, would make me wise, and this I greatly desired.

This month of attending school, was the first part of my public life. At the close of the month, I retired, not then ever expecting to attend to that kind of business again. One or two weeks of the time, I boarded with my friend Cottle, who was considered a man of good learning; he taught me how to enumerate, and told me every third figure was hundreds; this looked plain, and I considered it an acquirement, not to be parted with on any account. My conduct in the school, gave general satisfaction to the children and their parents. the children hoped I should teach them again the next spring. So the business ended for that yes, and we parted in peace. As the cold weather came on, my health became as good as ever, and I engaged anew in the work on the farm, without paying much attention to the things of religion for some time. The winter of my eighteenth year, my father allowed me ten days to attend school to learn arithmetic, in which time I obtained some knowledge of the science. this was the last time of my attending school, and all attained to that time was but little. In the spring, the same complaint returned upon me again, that I had the year before; which was caused chiefly by too much singing, reading, and /92/ intense thinking upon what I read. My father seeing my situation, told me if I could get into any business that was not too hard, that it would best, as he and my other two brothers could carry on the farm. In consequence of this, I undertook a school for six months. This brought me into almost the whole I wished for. There was an opportunity for me to earn something, and as much time to read as my strength could bear. My boarding place was near my uncle's house, who owned so many good and useful books. He allowed me to read any of them at his house. My daily practice was to eat my breakfast about six o'clock, and then go to his house and read till fifteen minutes before school time. In the afternoon, I generally read some book at home, and in the evening, spent some time with my friends to unbend my mind. this summer I committed almost the whole of Webster's grammar to memory; this being the book then used in the school. As I first learnt to read in Dilworth's spelling-book, and learnt his grammar first, there was a constant difficulty attending me, which was to forget the old fashion of reading, while learning Webster's mode of pronunciation. This difficulty I surmounted after a length of time. At the close of six months, I thought myself considerably well qualified to teach others in that new country, and proposed teaching larger scholars than those who attended through the summer, if there was any place where it might be done. Late in the /93/ season, not far from December, when in my nineteenth year, a school was offered me in a corner of Hartland, joining Woodstock, where my wages would be higher. There was an objection to that place, on account of the inconvenience of the house; it being a new, cold dwelling-house. Notwithstanding this, I engaged to teach three months, to begin the first of December. The following is correct description of my school-room. All the covering upon the frame was hemlock boards, featheredged, as it is termed, and nailed on. there were no clapboards on the outside, nor plastering or sealing upon the inside. The chamber floor consisted of loose boards, laid down, being neither jointed nor nailed. The lower floor was the same, and there was not one window in the room. All the light, excepting what came through between the boards, was as follows: there were two or three holes cut through the boards of the side, and end of the house. these were filled up with a newspaper, Spooner's Vermont Journal, which was oiled to let the light through, and fixed into thin strips of wood, and made fast. These were all the windows we had. Sometimes the boys would by accident make a large hold through them with their elbows. Often when I first came into the room, I could discern but little. In this cold, dark, inconvenient place, I spent three months, instructing others according to the best of my abilities. this winter, by reading too much, my eyes were in such a situation, that with my /94/ glasses, I could not read much, only as I kept a particular kind of eye-water to use several times in a day, as the only remedy; and to add to all my trouble respecting my eyes, the borrowed glasses I had used were called for, so that my time of reading seemed then to be over. Soon after this, it was told me that such glasses were to be sold at Windsor, about ten miles from where I kept my school. Being determined not to be hindred from reading, if there was any remedy for my eyes, I engaged an horse, took one bushel of wheat in a bag, and after midnight, and very cold, I set out for Windsor.

The snow was deep, the path poor, the road very hilly, and the weather cold. Sometimes I rode and sometimes walked, to prevent suffering by the severity of the weather. Just as the day-light appeared, I arrived at the store where it was said green glasses were kept. I knocked at the door of the store several times; at last a man in the chamber, half awake, cried out, "Who is there?" I replied, "a friend." He spake out again, "what do you want this time of night?" I told him, "a pair of spectacles." "We have none," said he. This, at once, sank my raised expectation. I then asked him if he had any green spectacles. "Yes," said he, "but it is too cold to get up now." I told him my necessity, and how far I had come in the night, and that he must let me have them. He was quite mad at my urgency, but finally came down with a candle, shewed me the /95/ glasses, and told me the price, which was five shillings. I asked him if he would take some wheat for them. "Yes," said he, and quite mad about it. "What do you give per bushel?" "Five shillings," said he. All my desire, for that time, was granted. I took the bag off the horse, and brought it in, good measure, which he accepted. I bid him farewell, and he, in return said he hoped, if I ever wanted any more, I would stay for them till day-light. I rode to my boarding-house about breakfast time, and by nine o'clock, was ready to attend my school as usual. All my expence and trouble was but little, compared to the glasses, which enabled me to attend to my favorite business of reading. These glasses I kept, and used constantly, until one year after my first residence in Portsmouth, in the year 1802. Those who have strong eyes, and every advantage for an education, know but a little of the disadvantages people are under, in my situation at that time.

When about eighteen years old, I borrowed Entrick's dictionary of my uncle, and carried it in my pocket wherever I went for one year, that whenever a new word was mentioned, I might know the meaning; for Dr. Watts had told me, in his book, "that the time to know the meaning of a word, is when you first hear it." My determination /96/ was to attend strictly to that rule. When I heard a preacher, my practice was to carry my pen and ink, and set down every word the preacher used, I did not understand, and when at home, write from the dictionary, the meaning against the word, on my paper. Paying close attention to the words spoken, caused me better to retain the subject spoken upon; and soon after taking down words from the preacher, I began to write down his text, and propositions; in this way, in a few months, I was able to retain the text and particulars, without my pen, and at last to retain the greater part of the sermon.

In the course of this winter, when in my nineteenth year, my mind was exercised upon the same things which appeared to so glorious the summer after my conversion; and my affections seemed gradually to be fixed upon the things of God and Christ, superior to all things earthly. They appeared to me the best, but I thought they were forfeited by my wandering so far from God and concluded; that if the enjoyment was ever restored, a great share of punishment must first be inflicted on me. At one time the words of Jeremiah were peculiarly comforting and encouraging to me. "Go and proclaim these words towards the north, and say, return, thou backsliding Israel, saith the Lord, and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon; for I am merciful saith the Lord, and I will not keep anger forever. Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou has transgressed against the Lord thy God, and has scattered they ways to strangers under every green tree; and ye have not obeyed my voice saith the Lord." Jer. iii. 12, 13. These words encouraged me to confess, forsake, and hope to find mercy. Through this winter I conversed with experienced christians, read the scripture some, and constantly prayed with my scholars, and felt determined in future to walk in newness of life.

Much of the time there was a great solemnity in my mind, and things eternal appeared worth pursuing. At this time some of the people who belonged to the baptist church, /98/ mentioned to me, that they thought I should in some future day be called to the preach the gospel of Christ. There was at that time, nothing more foreign from me, as I considered myself destitute of every qualification needful for such an important and glorious work. In the spring, after finishing my school, I returned to my father's house, with a determination to attend to my former employment, laboring on the farm, and the carpenter's business, in which I greatly delighted. The loghouse we built at first, began to decay, and we needed another, and it was my determination to build a new framed house. We all labored hard through the summer, in clearing our land of timber and making preparations for building an house the next year. late in the fall, we cut logs for boards, and piled them up, in order to carry them to the mill in the winter. As soon as the snow fell so as to make good sledding, I began to carry them to the mill, which was about three miles.

I continued in the work, carrying about one each day, till I had landed sixty. There was scarcely any weather that prevented my going every day. The following was my dress through the winter: A checked woollen shirt, after the Connecticut fashion; woollen pantaloons, as the cloth came out of the loom, without being fulled at all; a waistcoat and frock of the same; woollen stockings, and what we called buskins tied over my shoes, and a pair of mittens, which I seldom wore. This was my winter dress; without any great coat or /99/ surtout, a kind of garment I never owned till the winter before I was twenty-one years old.

Soon after my sledding work was over, the season for making sugar came on, which we improved to good advantage. As soon as this work was over, before we could work on the land, my father and two brothers began to get the timber for the house, which I hewed the whole of, while they prepared it for hewing. To make our boards hold out, I went evenings after work to the saw-mill, two or three nights in the week, and set up through the whole night, to saw the logs I had carried to the mill, and so saved one quarter of the whole. this was hard work, but was the best we could do at that time. By the time the ground was settled, we had our sugar made, timber hewed, and boards sawed ready to put on to the frame, as soon as it was raised, and some nails paid for besides. In the time of clearing, ploughing, &c. I worked with oxen, plough and harrow, for my uncle, who was a carpenter, and did enough to pay him for framing the building, with what we expected to help him. Every thing at this time appeared prosperous, and I concluded my future business would be to work on the farm, on timber, in hewing and framing it, with many other things equally imaginary. After planting, we got the timber together on the chosen spot, where the house was to be built. The last stick was brought on Saturday afternoon, and on Monday we were to begin to frame the house. I had labored for several months /100/ beyond a medium, and about this time to a great extreme. On Sunday, I went to meeting and returned as usual. In the evening, a young man of my acquaintance, came to see me, and we sat some distance from the house in open air, till about ten o'clock, without a coat of any kind. The evening was foggy, and sitting there I took a violent cold, and the next morning, by the time the master workman and others came to frame the house, the pain in my head was so violent, that I was hardly able to go where they were at work.

In the afternoon, I went out and endeavored to work, but was obliged to return. The pain in my head was so severe, that the night seemed long and tedious, and part of the time I was in a kind of delirium, and imagined some person was drawing the sills and plates of the house through my head. The next day, a physician was sent for, as it was thought a fever would be the consequence of my cold. The physician took considerable blood from me, which greatly relieved the pain in my head. Every other day, my head was easy, and though not confined to the bed, nor wholly to the house, yet I was unable to do any work, and the only food I could eat was milk boiled and thickened with flour. I remained in this situation about fifteen days and was so well as to go out, but not able to work. This seemed to be against all my worldly plans, and as I thought much to my disadvantage. As soon as I was able to read, my attention was turned to the bible, and a /101/ friend of mine told me of a book called Canne's quotation bible, and lent me the same, having shewed me the meaning of the quotations. This was the first of my knowing there was such a book in the world.

My father told me one day, that he thought it best for me to give up the idea of trying to help him, as it appeared to him that I had some other business to do besides laboring with my hands; and also said he did not think I should be able to do any more work that summer. At this time, having in some measure given up my earthly prospects, my mind seemed uncommonly fixed on the scriptures, as a treasure to be desired. What he said deeply impressed my mind, as I could not tell what he meant; but rather concluded he thought I might not live long. He advised me to get a school again, and told me I might have all my wages. With this advice, I engaged a school at the house where I first began in that business, and attended it till October, improving all my leisure hours in reading the quotation bible, which I carried in my pocket one year, instead of the dictionary. This was a solemn summer to me, as it appeared to me that all my earthly prospects were cut off, and I could not tell why it was so. Sometimes it appeared to me as a judgment for leaving my first love; sometimes it was to give me a time to prepare for death; and at other times thought it might be that some other business was laid out for me in the world, especially when so many /102/ frequently told me, they expected one day to see me a preacher of the gospel; and when, in my twentieth year, I sometimes thought whether this might not be my duty, particularly when my mind was so lead to search and understand the scriptures. One thing my mind was fixed upon, which was, never to try to preach, unless I had an evidence that the God of Heaven called me to the work. I also thought it best to know the scriptures, so that if I should ever be called to preach, I might in some measure be qualified to obey.

At the time my school was closed, my father and mother were gone to Lyme, in Connecticut, to visit their friends. I stayed at my father's house some time, waiting for their return. As they tarried longer than they calculated when they left home, I concluded to journey to Connecticut, and spend the winter there, if I could find a school. One cause of this conclusion was, I had sometimes in that summer and fall, felt a desire to speak of the things of scripture in a public assembly; but being where I was brought up, it was an hard place to begin. I also thought it would be a less cross to speak among strangers; this, with the hope of getting a school, encouraged, or caused me to undertake the journey. It was about two hundred miles to Lyme, where I intended to go on foot, and but little money to help me along. I took some food in my pack, and my bible and spelling-book. This was about all my property at that time, not having even a great /103/ coat, let the weather be ever so tedious, or the storm ever so violent. The second day in the afternoon, it rained, but I pursued my journey.

When within about one mile of Walpole meeting-house, in Newhampshire, I met my father and mother returning home from their journey. They were surprised at meeting me there, and I glad to see them. My father asked me what I meant by being there, and where I was going, what my intentions and prospects were, &c. I told him my school was out in Woodstock, that I was tired of staying there to earn so little, and thought a journey to the sea would be for my health; and that I thought of getting a school in some small place, by which I might be able to get some clothes, and other things I needed. They were both very much affected at my situation, as a stranger and poor, not knowing what might befall me; but confiding in my honesty, and faithfulness, they made no objections to my proceeding on the intended journey. My father told me he could not let me have any money, as he had only enough to get home with. I told him that there would be no difficult in getting through my journey. They gave me some cakes, which they could spare, told me to behave well wherever I went; hoped I should do well; wept not a little at parting with me, and bid me farewell. thus we parted, in the rain, and I never heard from them, nor they from me, till the latter part of the next March. /104/

After parting with my parents, I walked to the first public house, stood by the fire and dried my clothes, eat some of my cold victuals, and travelled till night, and was then about sixty miles from my father's house. The third day, towards night, two young men in a two horse waggon, bound to Lebanon, overtook me; I asked them if they could give me a ride, as I had no money to pay them. One of them said, "jump into the waggon." This opportunity I gladly embraced, and they carried me about forty miles each day. Saturday, about sun-down, we arrived at Springfield, Mass. where they were to tarry till Monday. They told me if I would stay till Monday they would carry me to Bolton, which was within a few miles of where I was acquainted. This proposal I accepted, and stayed at the tavern, living upon cold food from my pack, with cool water from the well.

Sunday afternoon, I went to meeting, and heard a man preach, called Dr. Howard. As I had been brought up in the woods, every thing in such a great town as Springfield attracted my attention; particularly things under the name of religion. Being a stranger, I went into the gallery, opposite to the preacher, where I could see and hear. The first thing that drew my attention was the meeting-house, which was adorned beyond what I had ever seen in the log meeting-houses in Vermont. It was solemn to me, as I was told it /105/ was the house of God. The next thing I noticed was the dress of the people, particularly the young men, who were in costly array, compared to my clothing. The third object which set me to staring was the minister, who made such an appearance as I had never before seen. In the first place, he had a long, black, outside garment on, with a broad belt of the same round his waist. The sleeves I then thought were as wise as the meal bags used in Vermont. It then seemed strange to me that he should have such great sleeves, unless his arms were so stiff that he could not wear such as were near the size of his arms. Next he had something fastened under his chin, which then appeared to me like what the children in Connecticut used to wear, when they were cutting their teeth, called a BIBB. Why he wore it was unknown to me. In addition to this, he had on his head, what Dr. Baldwin used to call a folio wig. This was very large, white and powdered; or as I then thought, covered over with flour. From all this pompous appearance, I supposed much divinity and good matter was contained in the head, the wig contained. My mind was serious, and searching for truth, not knowing the tricks and hypocrisy which has been played upon the people by men in such a garb as this. When he read the psalm, it was in a cold, dull, lifeless manner. When he prayed, his prayer was as long as the Pharisee's prayer, if I mistake not. My legs, head and heart were all uneasy before he had done. At length he closed, /106/ and all the people took their seats. After singing; instead of taking the bible, as I expected, he took a small quarto book and laid it open upon his cushion, saying with a moderate tone of voice, with his eyes on his book, "The portion of God's holy word proposed for your sincere meditation and reflection, is recorded in James iii. 17. "But the wisdom which is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy." He said a few things about wisdom in a cold, lifeless manner, and then said, a wise man is so, and so; and then on the other hand, an unwise man was the opposite of all these good things which the wise man had. As I understood him, a good citizen was as good a christian as he knew. He seemed to make his wise man out of nothing. On the whole, his sermon was flat as the canvas, and cold as the marble; and I was glad when he said, "Amen: Let us pray." As there was nothing impressive in the discourse coldly read to the people, so it made no impression on the people, and we were all dismissed to go where we pleased.

On Monday morning, we set off early on our journey, I arrived at Bolton, and went to the house of Mr. Atherton, son of the old man, who lived where I heard Elder Grow preach in the orchard, some years before. He and his family received me kindly, for the sake of my father and mother, who had left their house a few days before. They bid me welcome to /107/ their house so long as I choose to tarry with them. At this time my mind was very serious, and those things which please the youth in general, had no pleasure in them for me. I made it my constant practice to read my bible, watch my thoughts, words, and actions, and pray for instruction, wisdom, preservation, and the duty required of me in all things, and conversing at times with the family and others upon things of religion, which then were to me, of all things the most important. My appearance, and manner of life drew the attention of many in the neighborhood, of old and young, who in my short stay at Mr. Atherton's house, came to see me and hear my conversation. At that time, and in that place, it was considered a strange thing for a person of my age to talk of religion, and manifest an aversion to the course of youth in general. At that time the baptists held their meeting at the same house where they met when I was twelve years old. There was one man who improved among them, by the name of Victorious Smith, and another, a deacon, who improved some, and wished to be a preacher.

On the first day of the week, I went with the family to the meeting, hoping to hear something calculated to edify and instruct. Mr. Smith undertook to preach in the forenoon. He was a man of great moderation as to words, or rather slow of speech, and a slow tongue. After the usual form of singing and praying, he stood up and read for his text the following words; Acts xx. 8. "And there were /108/ many lights in the upper chamber where they were gathered together." I wondered why he took such a text to preach from, and was at a loss what he would do with it, besides shewing that Paul did not preach in a dark room, though he preached in the night. The man discovered some invention, which was peculiar to himself. He did not first divide his text into propositions, but mentioned one at a time. First, he said he should prove that the house was three stories high; though it was but one house. He said that it was evident the house was three stories high, because Eutychus fell down from the third loft; this statement I doubted, and still doubt; for a loft signifies rooms on high, and if there were three lofts, there must be one room on the ground. Having thus proved that the house was three stories high, and yet but one house, he stated, secondly, that Noah's ark was three stories high, and yet but one ark. This proposition took me from Troas where Paul preached, to mount Arrarat, where the ark rested. He gave some description of the ark; told us that the beasts were in the first story, the birds in the second, and Noah and his family in the third. Next he called our attention to, 1 John v. 7, "For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy ghost, and these three are one." Having read this text, he stated, thirdly, that there were three persons in the Godhead, and yet but one God. The man discovered some ingenuity in his discourse, as he brought such /109/ things to prove the doctrine called the trinity, as perhaps were never brought before nor sin. At that time I did not know that such a doctrine was ever disputed, and of course, thought he proved it very well. As there is no scripture for such a doctrine as this, that three persons are one person, the lighted chamber where Paul preached, and Noah's ark are as much proof of it, as any other text in the bible; and 1 Chron. i. 1, "Adam, Sheth, Enos," is as much proof of it as what he, or any other man, can bring from the bible. The people sat very contented to hear the trinity illustrated from the supposed three storied house, Noah's ark, and 1 John v. 7. Some, after meeting, told me they did not see into the subject.

One remark upon this kind of preaching. Some men, when they speak upon the scripture, instead of telling people what one or more verses mean, get their subject first, and then search for some passage of scripture, as a bowl in which they may hand the subject to the people. One preacher had it in his mind to tell an assembly that the law of God was once obeyed by Adam, disobeyed by his children, and obeyed by Christ. when he got into the meeting-house, he forgot the text he meant to read, though he remembered the subject. Being a little confused at the loss of his text, he turned his bible over to find some words that would agree with his subject, and in turning over his bible came to these words, "That was, and is not, and yet is." /110/ This seemed exactly to agree with his subject, and without looking at the connexion, he read it, and preached to the general satisfaction of those who heard him. After he had done, another preacher rose, and told the people, that they had heard a good and important subject, which he hoped they would attend to; but, said he, you have not heard the meaning of the text; for that which was, and is not, and yet is, came out of the bottomless pit, and will go into perdition; but, said he, the law of God will not go there. The preacher was much mortified, and apologized by telling them he had forgotten his other text, &c. The other man, to comfort him, told him privately, that he hoped in future he would find his text first, and then find the subject in it; in this way he would always have the right text.

In the afternoon, I heard the deacon endeavor to preach. It was said that he was the only man in all that part of the country, that thought he had a public gift. His text was this: Eccles. iii. 1, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Solomon in the seven following verses mentions a time for twenty-eight things to be done. the deacon, to illustrate the subject in his text, understood to explain upon these twenty-eight particulars, and what he said upon some of them, was sufficient to make any modest woman blush behind her ears, if such a thing is possible. I held my head down, till he had done. /111/ Some though me drowsy, but I hardly think Eutychus could have slept under such a discourse. It was the worst I ever heard. A man of sense would have been ashamed to deliver such a discourse to a score of idiots in a pig's pen. After meeting I asked some of the people, how they could put up with such preaching; they said it was as good as they generally were fed with. These two men almost discouraged me from ever thinking speak in public, if my performances should ever appear to others as theirs appeared to me.

So the meeting ended, and we returned home; and though I was in the habit of being sober, yet these two discourses had such an effect on me, that it was with difficult that I could talk seriously about such kind of time preaching as I heard in the afternoon.

In the time of my stay at Mr. Atherton's in Bolton, I made enquiry for a school, but found none. while there it was said, that at a place called Hartford five miles, about ten miles east of the city, the people were in want of a school-master, where they were chiefly baptists. Hearing of this place, I went to the see minister, Elder Christopher Minor, whom I had seen when young. I told him who I was, and my business. He was glad to see me, as he had, in Lyme, been well /112/ acquainted with my father and mother. He and two more were appointed a school committee; they met and examined me as to my knowledge of reading, arithmetic, and writing, with which they were satisfied, and told me they had always given five dollars per month, and boarded the man themselves, and that if I would undertake for that, they would engage me for three months, beginning the first Monday in December. this proposal I readily complied with, thinking myself well off to be boarded, and paid in the winter, five dollars per month. This was about the first of November. In concluded to improve this month in visiting my friends in Lyme, where I had been brought up; and on Saturday morning set out for Lyme.

I travelled on foot till towards night, which brought to a town call Marlborough, not far from Colchester. Travelling along, I came up with a middle aged man, driving his team. He appeared serious, and coming near, I asked him how far it was to the meeting-house. He told me. Next I asked him who preached in it. He readily told me, and then said it was common for those of my age to enquire about such things, as the minds of young people were generally most fixed on things of a trifling nature. I told him that was too common, and that my mind was once in the state of other young people, but that I did not esteem them now, having found a more substantial good. As I uttered these words, he stared at me, and said, "Do you /113/ not esteem the pleasures of this world?" I was a little started at first, but soon replied, I have found something better than this world affords. he then asked me from whence I came, where bound, my name, where I expected to stay that night, &c. I answered all the parts of his questions, excepting where to tarry that night. He then invited me to his house to stay till morning. I accepted his invitation and went home with him. His wife and children were very serious, and treated me well. We had, in the evening, religious conversation; he asked me to sing some hymns, and pray, which I did. My improvement among them, much affected the young people, who I supposed, never heard any one pray, who was so young. In the morning, the man asked me to go to the meeting which he attended, telling me a young man was to preach that day. His name was Kellog, and I understand he is now settled in Hebron, a town near Marlborough.

The text he spake, or read from, was this: Matth. xvi. 26, "For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?" He said he should attend to three things contained in the text. 1. Describe the nature and importance of the soul. 2. Shew that men were in danger of losing their souls. 3. Shew the inequality there was between the gain of the world, and the loss of the soul. These three particulars I committed to memory, as he delivered the /114/ discourse, and after the meeting was done, went on my way about half a mile, sat down under the fence, took my pen and wrote down me propositions, and in this way fixed them in my memory, so that they are now as fresh in my memory, as though I had just heard them.

In the afternoon I travelled to another meeting-house, just as a very cold, formal clergy-man was making the concluding prayer, as it is called. The following I remember he said: "Lord we are all of us inimical to thy nature, they government, and thy Son. We are inimical to thy spirit and thy dealings with us, as they creatures," &c. I concluded that, according to his prayer, he and his parish must be a very bad sort of people. After meeting I found a man, the son of Mr. Minor, who lived at Hartford, and preached to the baptist church in that town. He invited me to stay at his house till morning.

Monday morning I sat out again for Lyme. In Millinton, I stopped at a cider press, to drink, as they were then at work. While standing there, two men stood near me, conversing upon religion. One of them by the name of Dickinson, who afterwards became a preacher, said thus to the other man: "When we were living in sin, gaming, drinking, dancing, and taking the name of the Lord in vain, all was well; there was no complain brought against us; but since we left these things and meet to sing and pray, and exhort others to (garbled) the Lord, the cry is, delusion, /115/ delusion, the parish is likely to be broken up; and our minister is greatly alarmed." This conversation drew my attention, as I thought these men had religion, or they would not talk so. I soon left them, and went on my way. After walking about two miles, I enquired for a meeting, and was told that Elder Daniel Minor was to preach that evening in an house near where I then was.

This was the man that sprinkled me, so much against my will. He was a good man, and one the Lord owned and blessed in the conversion of sinners. this intelligence of the meeting rejoiced my heart as I greatly loved the man after my conversion. I went to the house and found him there. He soon asked me where I was from and my name. When he knew me as the son of Stephen Smith and Irene his wife, it gladdened his heart, especially when I told him that Christ was more to me than all other objects. this opened the way for me to have a lodging place that night, and food to eat, which I then needed. It appeared to me then that my situation was some like that of Jacob, when he went from his father's house to Padan-aram. Every day something took place, that shewed me the Lord directed my steps. In the evening, a great assembly met in the house; among whom were many lately converted to God, who were very happy in the Lord.

Mr. Minor preached that evening from these words, Luke, xviii. 38, "And he cried saying, Jesus, thou son of David, have /116/ mercy on me." His manner of preaching was new, and peculiarly pleasing to me. He noticed the situation of the blind man, and applied it to the state of those who lived in darkness, and without God in the world; the kindness of Jesus in passing through where the blind man lived; and his kindness in sending his spirit and gospel among those whom the god of this world has blinded. He observed, that when jesus passed through a place, there was always a multitude to attend, though many opposed him; so, said he, it is now; many run together, though not always to be benefitted. He noticed that Jesus' passing through, caused the blind man to cry after him, as soon as he knew Jesus was near; so, said he, it is now; as soon as poor sinners hear there is one that can save them, they at once begin to cry to him to help,as no other one can do it. He stated that then, as soon as the blind man began to cry out, some rebuked him that he should hold his peace; we are told, said he, who those were; they were such as went before; such as are planning how Christ shall come; so it is now. When the Lord pours out his spirit, there is always a company who go before, who oppose the work of the Lord. Had these men who rebuked the blind man been asked if they were unwilling the blind man should see, they would doubtless have said, no, but we wish him not to be so singular and noisy in the city. Why cannot he be more moderate? This, said the preacher, is the case now; /117/ these cold formal professors are willing, they say, that men should be converted, but they might make less noise, and let the minister do the talking. Such have planned out the way, and if every thing does not go on as they have planned, they are determined to oppose it. He observed that the more they rebuked the blind man, the more he cried after Jesus; so, said he, my brethren, it is now.

In this way he went through the discourse, and I thought that those men who cried delusion! and ruin upon the parish, had their due that evening, with others who attended. I was never better pleased with a discourse than with this. After he done, there were several warm exhortations delivered by male and female; some praying and spiritual singing. This was the happiest meeting, I though, ever enjoyed by me on earth. It was indeed an heavenly place in Christ Jesus. The next day I went on my way to Lyme; there I heard old Elder Jason Lee preach in the spirit, and with power. My stay at Lyme was short; as my school was to commence the first of December. On my way back to Hartford, I visited Millinton again, and attended some meetings with those who had found peace in believing.

There is one little circumstance which I will here mention. In Millinton on my return, I went to the same place where the men were making cider, and there spent considerable part of a day in getting apple seeds from the pomace, to carry to Vermont to raise an /118/ orchard. I got out about a quart of seeds, dried them, carried them to Hartford, and when I returned home carried them in my pack, sowed them in the spring, and all the apple trees now on that farm, grew from the seeds I carried in my pack from Millinton to Woodstock.

AT Millinton, I heard that there was a council of baptist ministers to be holden at Glostenbury; this I wished to attend, hoping to gain some useful knowledge. the council was held at the house of Deacon Hodge; I travelled almost the whole day to get there, without eating any food after breakfast; and it was late before I could get any food. After supper, I proposed going a little distance with a brother who had invited me to his house. While waiting for him, I felt some unwell and before he was ready, was obliged to take off my pack and set down; this was caused by overdoing, and going without food. I was seized with a violent pain in my side, and could find no relief until the doctor came and took away some blood. The next day I was confined to the bed; the second day to the room; the third day I went round the house; and the fourth, walked about the door yard some; and in one week was able to pursue my journey.

This was a serious time to me; about one hundred and eighty miles from home; among all strangers, who had never heard of me before; and not more than twenty-five cents of money at my command. notwithstanding all /119/ these seeming difficulties, I was kindly used, and made welcome to all done for me.