Elder Royce preached in the afternoon, in a very solemn and impressive manner. The people manifested a general satisfaction /200/ in the meeting; and my preaching and the preacher appeared less than the least of all.

On Monday morning we had a solemn, weeping time, in parting from the family and friends present. It resembled that parting at Ephesus, when Paul took his leave of the Elders. We all kneeled down and prayed; and after prayer, sung a parting hymn, composed by Elder Thomas Baldwin: "From whence doth this union arise," &c.

Brother Burgin's wife was so overcome with the glory of the christian's union, that she cried aloud for joy; giving glory to God for such a time of refreshing from the presence of the Lord. We rode to Deerfield that day, and to Newmarket the next. Wednesday morning we rode to Brentwood, about eight miles, to attend the association.

Here I met a number of baptist Elders, whom I had never seen before. The following I remember: Elder Hezekiah Smith, of Haverhill, Mass. Elder Thomas Green of Cambridge, Mass. Elder Bailey of Westmoreland, N. H. Elder Pilsbury of Northwood, Elder Chase of Amesbury, Mass. Elder Powers of Gilmanton, N. H. Elder Simon Lock of Coxhall, Me. and others whom I do not now recollect. A blessing attended, and followed the meeting. My whole work was to hear, and retain. There had been a revival of religion in that town, and in the towns around, and several converts attended the meeting. /201/

Elder Bailey delivered the first discourse, from Rom. i. 16, "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first and also to the Greek."He preached the gospel as it was, "the power of God." Many were much refreshed, and strengthened by the doctrine of the Lord. The business of the association took up the remainder of the day, after a few exhortations and some spiritual singing which followed the sermon.

The next day, Elder Thomas Green preached in the forenoon, from Zach. ix. 9,10, "Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion, shout, O daughter of Jerusalem; behold, they king cometh unto thee; he is just, and having salvation; lowly, and riding upon an ass, and upon a colt the foal of an ass. And I will cut off the chariot from Ephraim, and the horse from Jerusalem, and the battle bow shall be cut off, and he shall speak peace unto the heathen, and his dominion shall be from sea, even to sea, and from the river even to the ends of the earth." He gave a description of Zion's King, his appearance on an ass; his mind, lowly; his nature, just; his message, salvation; the joy this was calculated to give. He explained the cutting off the chariot, horse, and battle bow, to mean that his religion did not need the sword to uphold it, nor human laws to be needful to support his doctrine, nor his ministers. His speaking peace to the heathen he said, meant preaching the gospel in all the /202/ world; and his extensive dominion, meant, that the time would come when all nations should call him blessed, and the kingdoms of this world become the kingdom of our Lord, and his Christ. I thought this was the greatest and best preaching ever delivered by man. It caused general joy to the saints, who received the doctrine as the earth drinketh in the rain that cometh oft upon it. That part which explained the cutting off the battle bow, was peculiarly pleasing to the baptists, for at that day they were opposed to being incorporated, to take property from people by force to support their ministers, as they have since done.

In the afternoon, Elder Royce preached; but I do not now remember his text. His discourse was weighty and powerful; and had a good effect on those that heard. Just as he was about to close his discourse, Nancy Burgin, (who had at her father's house, disputed Mr. Remington,) broke in upon him; being so overcome by the glory of the subject, that she could no longer refrain from speaking. Expressing the joy of her heart, the glory before her, and the danger those were in who knew not God, caused such a movement among the people as I never before saw or felt. She continued speaking about ten minutes, in a very powerful manner, and the solemnity of things eternal evidently rested on the assembly. As soon as she sat down, Elder Hezekiah Smith rose up in the pulpit, and the first words he spake were these: "By the mouth of two or three witnesses every /203/ word shall be established." After commending what Elder Royce and the young woman had said, which he considered as the voice of God to the people, he told them, that an important part of Paul's writing, lay with weight on his mind, which he felt constrained to mention, and speak a few words upon, which were these: Heb. xii. 25, "See that ye refuse not him that speaketh." His words were with power; and at that time he proved himself a son of thunder to the wicked, and a son of consolation to the saints. His description of the last day, and the awful end of such as refused the Saviour, had a deep and abiding effect on many, who to that day had lived without hope, and without God in the world. A glorious reformation took place in that town from that meeting; and many wounded at that time, never rested, until they knew their Redeemer lived to save them from the wrath to come.

From that meeting I went to Newmarket, and the Sunday following, preached at the meeting-house in Lee. At this meeting, many more people gathered, than at the other time. After the meeting-house was so filled in every part, that no more could get in, they gathered round the house to hear. In the afternoon I spake upon these words, Isa. ix. 7, "The Prince of Peace." One man by the name of Samuel Colcord, from Nottingham, about four miles off, who had long been troubled in his mind; hearing of the meeting, came, hoping he might hear something that /204/ would give him peace. While speaking of the Prince of Peace, who gave peace to such as believed in him; even while he was hearing a description of that peace, received it in his own soul; and was so filled with peace in believing, that the moment I closed, he cried out, "Glory to God for this peace, which my soul has received from the Prince of Peace!" His words were in demonstration of the spirit and with power. The whole assembly was moved, and many could say, "it is the Lord's doings, and marvellous in our eyes." He was baptised soon after, and to this day enjoys the same peace. I have often seen him since, and he always with joy mentions that time, and has shared largely in the same peace, and lives rejoicing in hope of seeing at last, the Prince of Peace, to enjoy his love forever.

The day I was twenty-two years old, which was not far from the time of this meeting at Lee, June 17, 1791, I was in Stratham, at the house of Richard Scammon. This was a very solemn day to me. The chief part of the day I was alone, in a retired place in his field. I had heard of some men who had made a covenant with God, to serve him all their days, and signed it with their blood, instead of ink. This I thought of doing, that I might feel myself more strongly bound to serve him to whom I owed my life, and every favor received. I finally concluded it not best to make such a covenant, but pray God to keep me from the evil in the world, /205/ and enable me to be useful while I lived. My conclusion at that time was, that I had ever been an unprofitable servant, and as I did not expect to live many years, wished to live to God the remainder of my days.

About this time, the inhabitants of Danville, Vt. agreed to give me a call to settle with them as the minister of the town, and to give me the land which was designed for the first settled minister. The committee in behalf of the town, sent a letter requesting me to make them a visit on that account. The proposal of several hundred acres of land, had no kind of weight in my mind, as I had left all for Christ, and thought it wrong, and contrary to the new-testament, to accept such an offer. Soon after this, one of the committee came to see me, to insist on my settling among them. I told him my mind was to travel and preach the gospel, and that his proposal would bind me, and prevent my doing what the scriptures directed. The idea was then given up; and as the town would not agree in any other man, they divided into baptists and congregationalists, and as I was informed, divided the land. The baptists settled Isaac Root; the others a man by the name of Fisk, who now resides there. Mr. Root turned universalist and left them. I never visited the people there till October, 1814, when i found what I wished for; a great company to hear the gospel of the grace of God. /206/

Not far from the time of entering my twenty-third year, the inhabitants of Lee requested me to preach with them a certain part of the time. I agreed to preach there two thirds of the time, and at Stratham one third. At Lee, the people were uncommonly desirous for me to settle as the town's minister; this I could not do, as there was no such thing mentioned in the new-testament. They did every thing needful to make me contented among them. Their kindness I ever acknowledged, but could not comply with their request. One man, Capt. Hill, proposed to give me a suit of clothes, as mind were quite poor. He gave me an order on Samuel Hill, of Portsmouth, for all I asked for at his store. As it was a fashion for the clergy to wear black, he advised me to get that color. A black mark for a minister was never pleasing to me; but as he desired it, I took his order and went to Portsmouth, N. H. and took black broadcloth for a coat, black lasting for waistcoat and small clothes, two pair of black stockings, one pair of black gloves, and black round hat.

When taking the cloth from the merchant, I thought it looked more suitable to cover a coffin, than to dress a live man. I returned with my cloth, and shewed Capt. Hill the bill. He complained that I had not got better cloth, but I thought it good enough for such a poor ignorant preacher. My clothes were soon made, but I looked quite too black with them on. At this time I owned a horse, but a /207/ baptist brother, Broadstreet Gilman, gave me the use of a good horse through the summer. In the fore part of August, I proposed a journey to Woodstock to see my parents. The horse lent me, was some worn down, and Samuel Williams, of Lee, gave me the use of his to perform the journey. As I passed through Salisbury, the people in the middle of the town, who had built a new meeting-house, in opposition to those on the south road, requested me to preach in their new house on my return; this I agreed to, and appointed the meeting.

On my way from Salisbury to Canaan, it began to rain towards night, and rained uncommonly fast. For several nights there was no house to put up at, and very dark. I was more afraid of injuring my new clothes with the rain, than myself. Sometime in the evening, I came to an house where they were willing to keep me; put my horse in the barn and retired to rest, without taking any food. My clothes were wet through, and the rain had run into my boots which were new, and quite too small when dry. I tried hard to pull them off with a jack, but could not The only I could do was to take off my coat, and sleep with my boots and other clothes on. In the morning, I arose and went on my way to Woodstock. My parents were not a little troubled to see me so richly dressed, and so well furnished with money. Their fear was, that such things might serve to lift me up, and lead me to forget my dependence. This I /208/ knew was often the consequence of prosperity, and their admonitions were not wholly in vain.

After a short and agreeable visit, I returned to attend to my appointment in Salisbury. Many people from different parts of the town attended to hear the stranger and youth. As this was the first meeting ever held in the house, it being then unfinished, my mind was led to something which I thought would be suitable to the occasion. The text was this: 1 Kings viii. 27, "But will God indeed dwell on earth! Behold the heaven, and heavens, cannot contain thee; how much less this house that I have builded?" My first proposition was to shew the greatness and glory of the Creator. Second, shew how he would dwell on earth, which was through the Mediator, and that there was no house that God would dwell in on earth, excepting in such as kept the commands of Jesus. The people were very attentive to hear, and appeared satisfied with the discourse.

Hearing that day, that Joshua Smith was to preach in Northfield, across the river from Salisbury, at 8 o'clock in the morning, I rode down to the river, and stopped at Col. Webster's, father of Daniel Webster of Portsmouth, a lawyer, and now, (1815,) member of Congress. From his appearance at that time, /209/ I did not think he would ever make a public man, though it is so now.

Being dressed in black, Col. Webster supposed me a preacher, and asked me to abide with him till morning. He and his family treated me kindly. In the morning, I rode to Mr. Mills' house, where the meeting was appointed, and met the preacher who had lately come from Virginia. While I sat at breakfast, an old man came into the house by the name of Carter, from Canterbury. Mrs. Mills asked him to eat; "No," said he, "I do not want such food, my soul is hungry for the bread of life; I have not heard a gospel sermon this six months, and have come eight miles this morning to hear the gospel, and hope the meeting will begin soon." After meeting, I asked the old pilgrim if he had found any food? "O, yes," said he, "I have had a feast of fat things full of marrow, and wines on the lees, well refined." My heart replied, "God grant that such hungry souls may ever be filled with good things." From this meeting I returned to Lee, and the region that lieth round about.

From this, Joshua Smith rode in company with me the greater part of the time for more than one year. About the first of September, he went to Sanborntown, fifty miles in the country from Stratham, with a brother, Samuel Pottle, who had relations in that town. His visit proved a great blessing to the family and many others. The man's name, where he had the first meeting, was Jonathan Chase. /210/ The day they arrived, he had a daughter married. The minister who married them, Mr. Woodman, was there, and a large company of young people, who had calculated upon a very happy time at the wedding. Soon after supper, Joshua Smith began to sing some spiritual hymns, then he prayed, and soon began to tell the company the danger they were in, while in unbelief. His words took such hold of them, that they had no inclination for the diversion they had calculated upon. From this, he appointed another meeting for preaching, and many came to hear. In a short time, a considerable number were turned from darkness to light, and from the power of satan to God.

Joshua Smith returned to Stratham, and soon after we both went there and tarried some time. Afterwards a baptist church was constituted there; and a meeting-house built, which remains to this day. Soon after this, a young man in Northwood, by the name of John Crockett, was converted to God, and became a preacher. About one year after the church was gathered, he went to Sanborntown to preach, and moved his family there, was ordained, and has remained there to this day, 1815. He has been blest with several revivals, and there is now a large church and congregation who meet in that house. At this time there is more life and freedom among them, than in any baptist church of my acquaintance in the state of Newhampshire. /211/

The reformation which began in Sanborntown, spread in different directions. In Meredith, the next town, many were converted to God. Elder Nicholas Folsom, of that town, was blest as an instrument of good, and baptised many in both towns. He was living in September, 1815, though quite advanced in years, and much benumbed with calvinism.

Not far from this time we visited Brookfield, and Middleton, In N. H. In Brookfield they had a lifeless clergyman settled for life, by the name of Piper. He piped to them a number of years, but no one danced that I know of, unless it was at the sound of the taxgatherer's demand. I am informed, that being tired with his sound, they hired him to desist from what they had hired him to do. In this visit to Middletown, I first saw Elder John Buzzel, a free-will baptist preacher, who now resides in Parsonsfield, Me. With him and the brethren there, we had a happy meeting; through Brother Smith troubled them a little with calvinism, a disorder which he was considerably troubled with himself, at certain times. This evil disease I never had till about one year after.

From this region we returned to Stratham and Lee. In the course of this season we went to a town called Hawke, in N. H. to hold a meeting at the house of Jonathan French. As we were on our way to the house, within one mile, in a small piece of wood, Brother Smith took up an half sheet of paper that lay in the road; which I then thought /212/ was dropped on purpose for him, because he was a calvinist. The following is the amount of what the paper contained. "A gentleman in Virginia had a slave, that was a calvinist of the baptist denomination. One day the master undertook to interrogate the negro respecting his religion; and said, "What do you believe concerning your God?" The negro said, "my God make great many folks; he make some to be saved and he make great many to be damned. He provide a Saviour for few; he tell them all to come to him and be saved. They cannot come, though he command them to come, and he damn them all if they no come. Some he make come, though they no wish to come; but when they come, they glad he make them come." Said the master, "do you love such a god, and delight to serve him?" "Yes master," replied the negro. Soon after this, the master took the negro, and tired him to a tree near the house, with his back to the tree. He then set a table a few feet from the tree, and set food on it, and invited his negro to come and eat. The negro said, "untie me first master." No, said he, come now. Next he commanded him to come. "Untie me master and I will come." Come first, said the master.

Having invited, and commanded him to eat, he threatened to whip him severely, if he did not obey, while tied fast to the tree. The negro cried, "master you know I can't come." The master in appearance began to grow angry, and took his whip, and told him /213/ he would positively whip him if he did not go and eat the food in one minute. The slave begged heartily to be untied; but to no purpose. The master begun to whip him severely for not obeying him; and the negro cried out to his master for his cruelty. The master said, do you think I am doing right now? No, no, master, it is no right to whip so. Now, said he, this is the way you say your God does, commands all to come, when they cannot come. Give up such a thought of a God that is good to all, and punishes only such as transgress, when they might obey; give it up or I will whip you to death. The negro cried out, "master I no believe such religion any more." He then let him go, having convinced him of the wickedness of such doctrine, by the example of food he could not reach, and the solid arguments of the cow-skin."

Brother Joshua read it through, looked a little sour, said nothing; and handed me the paper, which I read and committed to memory. I told him it was dropped as a hint to him to preach consistently. We went to meeting, and I spake to the people from Isa. xii. 3. "Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation."

During this year we travelled and preached in almost every town in the count of Rockingham. We went twice to Gilmantown, and preached in Elder Walter Powers' meeting house. Once we went to Portsmouth, where I now reside. There was a general revival /214/ of religion through the country. As neither of us were ordained, the old baptist ministers, Dr. Shepard, Wm. Hooper, of Madbury, Pilsbury, Powers, and others, baptised. In Brentwood, Dr. Shepard baptised thirty-six in one day. We enjoyed heaven in our souls, and often sat together in heavenly places in Christ, with our brethren and sisters. Though we had nothing, yet we possessed all things, and knew no want of any good thing.

In the beginning of this winter, (1791,) the people in Lee wished me to preach with them two thirds of the time, and agreed for me to make my home with Eli Furber, at whose house I had generally resided when in Lee. This proposal I accepted, and preached one third of the time in Stratham. I did not travel much in the winter, but spent considerable time in reading the scriptures, and such books as I judged most useful. This winter I read Edwards history of redemption through, and became generally acquainted with Osterwald's christian theology, as it was called. In the month of January, my father came to visit me, and tarried till February. He went with me into different towns, and was greatly comforted, in seeing the brethren, and joining with them in songs of praise to God and the Lamb. /215/

This year, the chief dispute among the different denominations was respecting baptism and what was called close communion. I had not much controversy with any one. My mind was fixed as to baptism, from the new-testament, which declared that the command was enjoined only on believers, and that the mode was burying in water. As to close communion, I took that to be right, because the denomination to which I belonged held so. There was some difference between what was called calvinistic, and free-will baptist. As I was ignorant of the free-will baptist, and understood they held to saving themselves, it went so in my mind without making much enquiry about it.

Among the calvinistic baptists, there were two kinds. One part hold that Christ died for the elect only, and that there was no possibility of salvation to any others. The other part hold that christ died for all, or made such an atonement for all as to make it consistent to preach to all, and call on all to repent and turn to God, and at the same time they held that a certain part were given to Christ, and that those would and should come, and that no others ever would be saved. They stated that all had an offer; that all refused, and then as Dr. Shepard termed it, "God gave that to some, that he owed to none." Though after this, I held to calvinism, yet I always believed the gospel was to be preached to /216/ every creature. In this way Doctor Shepard preached, and Elder Thomas Baldwin of Boston. Doctor Samuel Stillman, of Boston, and others, held to the limitation doctrine.

One thing which took place at brother Furber's, served to confirm me in preaching the gospel to every creature. One Saturday as I was returning to Lee, from a preaching tour in the tows around, I concluded on the morrow to preach upon Gen. xxviii. 12, "And he dreamed, and, behold, a ladder set upon the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven; and, behold, the angels of God ascending and descending on it." After returning home, being wearied with my journey, I lay down in the afternoon and slept. In my sleep, I dreamed that an angel came and asked me if I meant to preach upon Jacob's ladder the next day. I said, yes. Well, said he, what do you mean to tell the people that ladder is? I said Christ, and to prove it, shall quote them John i. 51, "Hereafter you shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the son of man." That is right, said he. What more? I shall tell them the length of the ladder, which is so long as to reach from earth to heaven, which describes Christ the Mediator among men, and at the same time with his father. That is right added the angel. He then said, I will ask you one question more. How wide do you think that ladder is? My reply in the dream was: I do not know. It is what never before entered my mind; tell me the /217/ width. He answered, it is as wide as the world. When he had said this, I dreamed that he quoted the following places of scripture to prove what he said: John iii. 16, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life." Luke ii. 30, 31, "For mine eyes have seen they salvation which thou hast prepared before the face of all people." Mark xvi. 15, "And he said unto them, go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature."

That part concerning the width of the ladder was new to me, and meditating on it, and the scriptures which the angel mentioned, I concluded that my dream about a dream was true. The next day, in the pulpit, I told the people of Jacob's dream and my own, and was happy in having an whole Saviour to preach to every creature.

That winter a young man by the name of Thomas Nichols, from Harvard, mass. came into that part of the country, and preaching in Epping, Brentwood, Kingston and South-Hampton. He was an humble, faithful, zealous young man; and much engaged for the good of the children of men. He did not continue long, as he was of a slender constitution, and his zeal went beyond his strength. In about two years he died of a consumption, at the widow Brown's house in East-Kingston, N. H. He was composed and happy in his sickness, and died in peace, having /218/ with joy finished his short course of preaching Christ to the sons of men.

His death brought a great solemnity on my mind, and led me to feel the importance of being also ready.

I do not now recollect where Joshua Smith was through the winter, but think he went to the State of New York. In the spring of 1792, he returned, and we travelled together the chief part of the summer following.

In the latter part of April, there was a great revival of religion in Southampton, and many of the young and old were converted to God and wished to be baptised. As I was not ordained, Doctor Shepard appointed a day for me to preach on the occasion, and for him to baptise. A great company collected; and the meeting was held in Col. Benjamin Clough's barn. My text was this, Ezek. lxiii. 10, 11, "Thou son of man, shew the house to the house of Israel, that they may be ashamed of their iniquities, and let them measure the pattern. And if they be ashamed of all they have done, shew them the form of the house, and the fashion thereof, and the goings out thereof, and the comings in thereof, and all the forms thereof, and all the ordinances thereof, and all the forms thereof, and all the laws thereof, and write it in their sight, that they may keep the whole form thereof, and all the ordinances thereof and do them." My manner of speaking upon the text was this: 1. To describe the house, which I considered the church of /219/ God. 2. The pattern, which I considered the order laid down in the new-testament. 3. The coming in, which was by baptising persons giving an evidence of being born again. 4. The goings out, which was turning a person out for not walking in newness of life. 5. The ordinances of the house, which were considered to be baptism and the Lord's supper. The form of one was burying in water; the form of the other, breaking bread, and giving wine to such as were in fellowship with the church. 6. The design of all this, which was that they may observe and do them.

My propositions were in general correct; yet I do not now think that any such things were meant in the text, though many of these things are contained in the new-testament. The house spoken of in the text, is one to be built in Jerusalem when Christ reigns on the earth one thousand years. And whoever reads and understands all said of the house by the prophet, will see that it does not mean the house of God mentioned in the new-testament. This was the best I knew then, and though the text was not explained right, yet the propositions were in general true.

The increasing call for Elders to baptise, led by Dr. Shepard, and the church at Brentwood to propose to me to be ordained. This looked too great for me, as I did not think myself far enough advanced in knowledge and experience, to be in any measure qualified to take such an important advance in public /220/ life. For some time I thought not to comply with the request on any account whatever; but at last consented to be ordained an evangelist, to travel and preach, without being confined to any particular place. This the brethren were willing for; but insisted on my remaining in that part of the country. it is often a matter of wonder to me that any young man should crowd himself forward in this particular; as there can be no greater evidence of his being unfit for the office. Whoever reads Paul's description of the qualifications of an Elder or Bishop, in his first epistle to Timothy, instead of crowding himself forward, will shrink back, and tremble, in view of the greatness and importance of the work. To watch for men's souls, as they must give an account to God; to be a savor of life unto life, or of death unto death; to be in danger of having men's blood required of us; to be an example to the believer, in word, conversation, in doctrine, in purity, in charity, in spirit, and in all things shewing ourselves patterns of good works. All these things considered, will lead a person with seriousness to say, "Who is sufficient for these things?" All this at that time, lay with great weight on my mind; so they ought ever to remain. Should this book ever fall into the hands of young preachers; read this paragraph with attention, and consider what Paul has said upon the subject, and "the Lord give thee understanding in all things." /221/

As the Newhampshire association was to be holden at Deerfield, the second Wednesday in June. 1792, the church though best for me to be ordained at that time, if Elders Baldwin and Smith attended; otherwise to delay it to a future day, and send for them and others to attend. They did not attend, and it was put off. My enemies, and the enemies of truth, took occasion from this to raise some evil reports, which were short lived, and soon vanished away.

In the month of May I went to Vermont to visit my parents, and to invite Elder John Peak, who then lived in Windsor, Vt. to visit the eastern part of Newhampshire; hoping he would remove his family there, and be a fellow laborer with me and others in that region. My invitation he accepted, and came with me to the association in Deerfield. He preached the first sermon, from 1 John i. 3, "That ye also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his son Jesus Christ." At this time he was a warm, lively, experimental preacher. Calvinism had not then cooled his first love, as it did afterward. His preaching was new to the preachers and people; he enjoyed the spirit, power, and assurance of the subject; and his speech dropped upon them; and they waited for it as for the rain. Many said, "never did we hear a man speak like this man." He tarried some time in that region; and being highly esteemed for his work's sake; the church at /222/ Deerfield invited him to make Deerfield the place of his abode. This invitation he accepted, and the next winter brought his family there. From Deerfield he went to Newtown, N. H. from there to Woburn, Mass. from there back to Newtown; from there to Barnstable on Cape Cod; from there to Newburyport, where he now lives, preaching calvinism, in all its parts, as I am frequently told.

In the month of July, 1792, Doctor Shepard, and the Brentwood church appointed for me to be ordained the third Wednesday in August; and wrote letters to the baptist churches in Northwood, Madbury, Haverhill, and the two baptist churches in Boston, requesting them to send their Elders, and chosen brethren to assist in ordaining their brother Elias Smith. As they wished the Elders and churches to know who they were to ordain, it was agreed for me to carry the letters to Boston, and Haverhill. I came in sight of Boston for the first time towards night, on the day of the commencement in Cambridge. When in Charlestown, near the bridge, I saw a constant stream of carriages, passing, and repassing, from Cambridge. It looked to me like confusion, and thinking all Boston must be in an uproar, having never before been in so large a place, nor seen how people conducted where they made ministers; I thought it unsafe to go in that night; and knowing Elder Thomas Green lived not far from Charlestown, concluded to put up with him /223/ that night. After riding several miles, I came to his house, but was quite disappointed in the man; for he appeared very different from what he did in Brentwood, when he described Zion's King on a colt the foal of an ass.

His head was powdered, and the commencement took up his attention. He partly asked me to stop till morning, and necessity led me to accept all the invitation he gave me. I felt very uneasy that night, and wished for morning, that I might find a country preacher, in finding my brother Thomas Baldwin, whom I loved above all men on earth. About ten o'clock in the morning I passed over Charlestown bridge, and soon entered the borders of Boston, which then was in my view a great and important affair. I soon found brother Baldwin's house, and at the door enquired for him. He came to the door in his morning gown, and with a smiling countenance gave me his hand, calling me brother, and invited me into his house, bidding me welcome there. He was very different from Mr. Green. He put up my horse, said he was heartily glad to see me, hoped I would feel at home, &c. He soon proposed for me to preach at his meeting-house that evening, and the people were notified

Hearing much of Doctor Samuel Stillman, on account of his great knowledge, eloquence &c. I had a great desire to see him; hear him talk, pray and preach. In the afternoon he came in. His appearance struck me with awe. He was a small man, but he looked /224/ large to me. He was dressed in black, wore a large white wig, and three cornered hat. He looked as neat as is easy to be in a dirty world. He was very free in conversation which occured (sic) in his meeting-house when he first came to Boston. He said he was preaching one afternoon upon grace, and in the midst of his discourse a man in the gallery rose up, threw out his arms, and cried aloud, "Free grace! free grace!" and sat down again. After meeting, he said, the man came to him to apologise for his conduct, saying, "the glory of grace shone so bright in his soul, that he could not refrain from crying out as he did." The Doctor, thought it a very extraordinary circumstance, that a common christian should feel so much as to be led to speak in a meeting-house; though David had said, "In his temple every one speaketh of his goodness," and Isaiah said, "Cry out and shout thou inhabitant of Zion, for great is the Holy One in the midst of thee." After a short conversation, he left us saying, he should attend the evening meeting.

Through the whole afternoon my mind was greatly agitated on account of agreeing to preach in Boston, as I then thought, through ignorance, that Boston folks knew more than country people. In the evening the Doctor came, and we all went to meeting together. As soon as I entered the door, the chandelier took my attention, and on ascending the /225/ pulpit stairs, the damask curtains, cushing and silver candlesticks, set me to gazing, as these were all new things to me, such as I had never before seen. Brother Baldwin told me in the afternoon, that I had plain people to preach to, and many young converts, who delighted in plain preaching; he also told me some country preachers were apt to speak too long. All this did not make me free, for I felt as though my whole body and mind was in a state of close confinement. After singing and praying, I read the following for my text, Psalm cxix. 116, "And let me not be ashamed of my hope;" and attended to the following particulars. 1. The christian's hope. 2. The various ways in which they were often ashamed of their hope. 3. The importance of this prayer of David, "Let me not be ashamed of my hope." I spake about forty five minutes, and closed.

After setting down, I whispered to brother Baldwin to ask Doctor Stillman to pray. He rose up in the pulpit, and the first words he spake were these; "O Lord, we are ashamed before three, when we consider how often before men we have been ashamed of our hope!" He poured forth his words with the greatest ease, and in that short sentence comprehended all I had said in forty five minutes.

A meeting was appointed for me the next evening at Doctor Stillman's meeting-house. The day before that meeting I spent chiefly in viewing the different parts of the town, /226/ in company with Mr. Baldwin, who shewed me many things which were a great curiosity to one brought up in the wilderness of Vermont. In the evening a large congregation gathered to hear the young stranger. I spake upon these words. Col iii. 11, "But Christ is all;" and attended to two particulars. 1. Described Christ. 2. Shewed how he was all to believers. I spake upon these two particulars thirty minutes. Several of the young people came into Mr. Baldwin's house after meeting, and complained that the sermon was too short. Doctor Stillman on hearing what they said, replied, "that was a good fault in young preachers, and that it was better to leave people longing than loathing; and that people ought always to be left with a good appetite."

Having obtained Mr. Baldwin's promise to attend the ordination, I returned, and on the way, preached at Elder Smith's meeting-house in haverhill, but had little freedom there, as I thought there was more form than spirit.

As my place of residence was in Lee, the people requested me to be ordained there. This was agreed on, and general notice given. At the time appointed, (the third Wednesday in August, 1792,) a very great company of people met on the occasion. Mr. Baldwin thought there were about three thousand people. At ten o'clock in the forenoon, the Elders and brethren met in deacon Martin's house, and formed themselves into what they /227/ called an ecclesiastical council. Elder Thomas Baldwin was chosen moderator, and Elder William Hooper, I think, was chosen clerk. All this being done, they proceeded according to the order of the baptist denomination. There was nothing said about the order of the new-testament; it is not likely that any one in the council thought of that, and I am certain it never entered my mind; because it was a fixed point with me that the baptists order was in all things according to the scriptures of truth. The first thing in order, after choosing the moderator and clerk, was, for me to give the reason of my hope in Christ. Next my call to preach the gospel.

After this I was examined closely concerning the doctrine believed. A report had gotten into circulation that I denied the imputation of Christ's righteousness, as the matter of a sinner's justification; this Elder H. Smith, of Haverhill had heard of, and though he did not attend, yet he was particular to tell Capt. Dow, who was sent by that church, not to assist in my being ordained, if the imputation of Christ's righteousness was denied. This was brought before the council, and talked much upon. I told the council, that Christ himself was the righteousness, in which a person was accepted in the sight of God, and that Paul held the same, and quoted them Rom. x. 4, "For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness, to every one that believeth." 1 Cor. i. 30, "But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us, wisdom and righteousness." /228/

After much talk, Elder Baldwin told the council, if his brother held that christ was the righteousness, that was enough, for said (unintelligible word), Christ is all, and the prophet Jeremiah said: "His name shall be called the Lord our righteousness." Jer. xxiii. 6. This ended the matter, and the council agreed that they had an evidence of my being converted to God, called to preach the gospel, and sound in the faith. This being done, the next thing in order was, to assign to each one the part he was to take in the ordination. It was agreed that brother Baldwin should preach the sermon, and make the ordaining prayer; Doctor Shepard give the charge, and brother Baldwin give the right hand of fellowship.

All this being done, at two o'clock, we went to the place appointed to perform what was agreed on by the council. As but a small part of the people could get into the meeting-house; a stage was built on the plain before the meeting-house in Lee, large enough to hold the ministers. It being a fair day, the people gathered round the stage to hear. Brother Baldwin preached from, 2 Tim. iv. 5, "But watch though in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry." He described an evangelist, as to his call and qualifications; his work, and the afflictions he must endure in making full proof of his ministry. He delivered a good, scriptural, spiritual discourse; suitable to the occasion, and took off the unconverted ministers severely. /229/

In speaking upon the necessity of regeneration, in order to preach the gospel, he said that some, to prove that unconverted ministers might preach the gospel, brought up Balaam and Judas for examples. "I should be ashamed, said he, to be in so bad a cause, as to need Balaam and Judas to bear me out in my conduct. It is true, added he, that Balaam prophesied of Christ, but he loved the wages of unrighteousness, and was a cloud without water, to whom is reserved the mist of blackness, and darkness forever. As for Judas, said he, though he obtained part of the ministry, yet in a short time he was hung by the neck, with a bag of money under his arm. Away with such preachers as these, and such as plead their examples to prove that unconverted men may preach the gospel of the grace of God!" Such preaching at that day made rending work, among the friends of unconverted ministers. The discourse in general was calculated to do good. After sermon, the other parts were attended to, according to the best light the ministers had at that day. The people were satisfied, and departed in peace.

After the ordination was over, brother Baldwin conversed with me respecting what was said in the council about righteousness, and stated to me that he held as I did about righteousness, and had for many years. /230/

When the ordination was over, brother Baldwin and the brother that came with him from Boston, Thomas Badger, Doctor Shepard, and several others went to brother Furber's house, which was my home. After supper, Doctor Shephard (sic), who was naturally a cheerful man, told a story respecting an Indian, which he wished me ever to remember, lest I should be too much lifted upon on account of the notice taken of me by the Elders, brethren and others. He said that certain Indian having a river to cross in his canoe, thought to save the trouble of paddling across the river, by sticking up a bush in the bow of his boat. When about two thirds across the river, the wind blew so hard that it upset the canoe, and was obliged to swim to reach the shore, while his boat floated down the stream. Several people on the shore saw the difficulty he was in, and as soon as he was upon the land, they asked him, what was the cause of his swimming, instead of coming in his canoe. "O, said he, me carry too much bush!" "Now, said the Doctor, you are a young man, and just set out in the world; you will do well enough, if you do not carry too much bush." This caution I have ever remembered, and had this been attended to by me and many others, we should have been much more useful in the world, and saved ourselves and others much trouble. /231/

I here leave a word to young preachers, and old ones in particular, which is, "that they do not carry too much bush." There is some danger of young men; more in the old. In the course of twenty-five years, I have seen that more old preachers fall than young, or carry too much bush, and upset. This is true among the clergy, and those who profess to preach experimentally. It is not common to see a young man fall by drunkenness, adultery, extortion, &c. but how many old men do we see upset this way. One thing has for many years been a matter of lamentation to me; that is, to see a man arrive with an unspotted character, to an age, when his knowledge, experience, labor, example, and time of life might render him more useful than he had ever been; and at that time, do that which not only proved him the greatest fool, but which destroyed all his usefulness; grieved the good, gave the adversary occasion to speak reproachfully, and sunk himself into disgrace and contempt! Who are the men, generally speaking, among the settled clergy, and others, that are turned out for drinking, adultery, and other wickedness? They are generally men past the meridian of life. Who are the self willed and soon angry? Not young men generally. Who are the ministers that are fond of high sounding, anti-christian titles, and gay attire? They are generally men old enough to set a better example. Who are the men that can never have enough? Who threaten to leave the town, /232/ or church, if they do not give them more money? This is not commonly done by young men. Old ministers sue the town for a few hundred dollars, after they have been supported, till old age has rendered them useless, and a burden grievous to be borne. Old men are often more confident in their own opinion, than seven men that can render a reason. These things are facts, that can be supported by the scriptures, and what takes place in our day.

When Saul was young, and fit to rule, he hid himself among the stuff; but when he was old, and unfit to rule, by forsaking the Lord; then he sought to slay David, because the daughters of Israel ascribed ten times the honor to him, that they did to Saul. When David was young, he felt his dependance, and trusted in the Lord; but when he was old, rich, and in authority, he committed crimes which caused him ever after to go with broken bones. When Solomon was young, he prayed for wisdom, and had it to that degree, that the kings of the earth sought after him, on account of it. When he was old, then he forsook God, and became such a fool, that he bowed his knees to an idol to please his wives, and gratify a foolish heart. When Cyrus was young, he was temperate in food and drink, and plain in his dress; but when he was old, and had taken Babylon; he lived in all the grandeur of the kings of the east. Young men are commonly liberal, and it is the most common thing to see old men covetous. Young /233/ men who have many years before then, are but little concerned about a living. Old men, who cannot live long, are concerned about a living, and call for more salary. The cause of all these things is, they carry too much bush. I leave the story, and the remarks on it to the reader, and pursue my history.

In East-Kingston, and South-Hampton, there had been many converted to God in the course of this summer; who waited for me to baptise them. The day after being ordained, I rode in company with Mr. Baldwin to Kingston plain; there we parted. He went on to Haverhill that day, and I to my appointment in East-Kingston.

After preaching, I baptised three. The name of the first baptised, was Reuben Dow; the second was Henry Gale. They both now live near the place where they were baptised, and have both in a good degree, maintained their profession to this day, with many others who were baptised at that time, or soon after.

Either this year, in September, 1792, or the September before, the Warren association of baptists, was holden at New-Rowley, Ms. about ten miles from Newburyport. In this association, which I attended, Elder Hezekiah Smith, of Haverhill, brought forward a kind of bill, or proposal, which I believe was the first of the kind, in which was stated the propriety of incorporating baptist churches and societies, in order to oblige people to pay what they had agreed to give their ministers. /234/ if they refused to do it voluntarily. He was a rich man; had been in the habit of taking notes of such as owed him for preaching, and did not pay at the end of the year, as I understood. Since that time I have seen one of the notes a member of the society gave him for preaching. This proposal met with a spirited opposition from the ministers and other members. He stated that it was no hurt to have law enough to make people fulfil their contracts. After much dispute upon the subject, old Elder Isaac Backus, from Middleborough, Mass. who was the oldest in the association, rose, and began an account of what had happened to him and others, in consequence of such power in other denominations, and before he had done, the proposal appeared so black and anti-christian, that it was thrown out for that year. It was however brought up afterwards, and the society at Haverhill was incorporated, and from this it spread, till cattle and horses were taken by force to pay baptists ministers for preaching.

In the course of the summer, several in Salisbury, N. H. where the new baptist meeting-house was built, wished to be baptised, and join the baptist church in Brentwood. Doctor Shepard went to baptised them, and I attended with him. After we met to hear the reason of their hope in Christ, Mr. Thomas Worcester, the congregational minister of the town, sent a man, directing him to tell Doctor Shepard, that if he baptised any, he wished him to go out of town to do it; as he was /235/ afraid it would hinder the reformation there, to baptised in the town. The Doctor, who was a man of good sense, and ready thought, after hearing the message, said, "you tell parson Worcester, that I am an older man than he, and have seen more of the world; and that I never knew an instance in baptising according to the scriptures, that the work of God was hindered by it, unless it was done by the minister of the town." The messenger appeared thunder-struck, and retired in silence, leaving the Doctor to obey his masters orders undisturbed.

The September after being ordained, I attended the Woodstock association. Doctor Shepard attended among the man. The evening of our arrival in the town, a meeting was appointed for Elder David Irish, from Stillwater, N. Y. He read for his text the following: "The whole need not a physician, but they that are sick." He proposed, 1. The describe the diseases peculiar to men. 2. The physician. 3. The importance of applying to him. He spake a few minutes upon the first particular, under some embarrassments; and finally said, Brother Smith, I wish you would speak upon the subject, for I cannot. Thus speaking, he sat down. This was the first time of my seeing a minister on shore high and dry. All pitied, but none could relieve him. I spake upon his propositions as well as my abilities would allow. Others spake afterwards, and the meeting was closed. /236/

The first day of the association, a man from Middleborough, Vt. by the name of Sylvanus Haynes, preached from Acts xvii. 30, "But now commandeth all men every where to repent." He spake upon two particulars. 1. The command, repent. 2. The reason of this command. In speaking upon the reason why God commanded all men every where to repent, he stated the following particulars as the reason. 1. Because our revolt from God was entirely groundless. 2. Because the impenitent were unhappy, and unsafe. 3. Because God had provided a way by which the penitent might be pardoned, and brought into favor with God. 4. Because none but the penitent could enjoy God, here or hereafter. 5. Because God has appointed a day to judge the impenitent by Jesus Christ, and all who remained impenitent would then perish. His discourse was solemn, and his arguments weighty. one young man, after hearing the sermon, said, "I am very certain that if I am lost forever, it will be my own fault." The second day, Doctor Shepard preached the greatest and best sermon, I ever heard him deliver. His text was this: 1 Tim. iv. 8, "But godliness is profitable unto all things; having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come." He first described godliness. Second, shewed wherein it was profitable, as it respected young and old, parents and children, rich and poor, magistrates and subjects, the healthy and the dying, and particularly, its /237/ profitableness, in having connected with it, the promise of the life that now is, and that which is to come. All bore him witness, and marvelled at the gracious words that proceded out of his mouth. This was a time of refreshing from the presence of the Lord. The meeting closed, leaving a lasting impression on the minds of many.

Soon after the association I returned to Lee, and preached there, and among the brethren in the regions around, and frequently baptised such as gave an evidence of being believers in heart.

this season, I visited Northwood several times; a town about eight miles north of Lee. There were glorious reformations that year in different parts of the town, and many were converted to God. At one meeting nine were baptised by Elder Pilsbury. One circumstance at the water I remember, which is worthy of being recorded here. As the Elder led one man to the edge of the water, by the name of Knowles, he stopped and said to the Elder, "wait a minute." He then raised up his hands and said, with a loud voice: "O Lord, thou hast made me, thou hast preserved me, and redeemed me. I now deliver myself to thee, to be thine forever; lead me, preserve me through this vain world, and keep me safe unto thy heavenly kingdom, and thy great name shall have all the praise forever. Amen and Amen." This short, solemn, and comprehensive prayer, brought solemnity on the minds of many who stood /238/ around, and every word was fixed in my memory. After this, the Elder led him into the water, and baptised him after the example of the King of saints.

Not far from this time, I went to Candia, and preached at Joseph Palmer's house. Mr. Remington, whom I met at brother H. Burgin's, attended the meeting. Previous to this meeting, I had heard that he was much opposed to the reformation, and said, that what some called the work of God, he called the work of the devil. In my prayer, I mentioned him, as one that appeared to be opposed to this work. After the meeting was done, he told the people, the preacher had called him an opposer to the work of God. I denied his statement. He then appealed to brother H. Burgin, who was present. He said he believed it was not so. I then told him that my statement was, that he appeared to be opposed to it, whether it was God's work or the devil's. Here he paused awhile, and then said, with a stern voice, and hard look: "Mr. Smith, you have no business here in my parish." My reply was; "Sir I am not in your parish, neither have I been in it to day;" and further added, "is not this man a baptist that lives here?" He answered, "I suppose he is, if he is any thing." "Does he own this house and land?" He said, "yes." "Then I am not in your parish," "Well," said he, "you have told one falshood (sic), you /239/ said you had not been in my parish today; and you could not get here without coming through my parish." My reply was, "That is a mistake, sir, I came in the road, and that does not belong to you, but to the public." Here the controversy ended, and by this time I concluded the devil had caught away some of the word sown that day. Here we parted, and do not remember that we ever had any conversation together afterwards, that Doctor Shepard, Elias Smith and the devil were calculated to do more hurt, than any other three beings he was acquainted with.

In the month of November, the same year, the people in Salisbury sent a man to Lee, requesting me to come there to preach and baptise. The meeting was appointed on Saturday at eleven o'clock. On account of the rain on Friday, I could get no farther than Allenstown that day. Towards day on Saturday morning, I set out for Salisbury, which was about thirty miles; rode to Concord, (ten miles,) by sunrise, and arrived in Salisbury about ten o'clock. Many people had gathered to hear and see. Nine came forward in the meeting-house, and gave the reason of their hope in Christ, and were baptised in a small stream near the meeting house, at a place on Jonathan Fifield's land, which the people had prepared for that purpose. The next day I spake to a crowded, and attentive assembly. Many in the assembly mourned their undone situation, and /240/ others rejoiced in hope of the glory of God. An happy union took place that time, which continued for several years, and with many of them it continues to this day. having fulfilled my appointments in Salisbury, I returned to Lee.

About the time, there arose a considerable stir about what some called election, predestination, calvinism, and hopkinsianism. No far from this time, Mr. Samuel Hopkins' famous book came out, called Hopkins' body of divinity. This made no small stir. This arrested the attention of the calvinistic baptists, with many others. Joshua Smith had said much upon Election, though he preached a free gospel. Elder Benjamin Randall, a free-will baptist preacher, began to be known, and by the other baptists was considered a very erroneous man. Elder William Hooper, of Madbury, was considered an orthodox preacher. Dr. Shepard, was by man, thought a kind of mongrel preacher; neither a calvinist nor free-will preacher, but between them both. One man told him he rode on the tongue of the cart. He said, in my hearing, it was so, and that being there, the oxen could not kick him, nor the wheel run over him. I thought afterwards that he fared hard, for the oxen kicked him off, and the wheel ran over him. Amidst all that was /241/ said, it seemed duty for me to be decided about the matter, as it was by many considered a subject of vast importance.

In the month of December, 1792, having an appointment at Deerfield, I concluded to visit Dr. Shepard on the way, and converse with him on the subject. At his house we conversed freely upon election. He was very careful what he said; but the amount of all I could get from him was this: "God gives that to some which he owes to none." This only perplexed my mind. On Saturday afternoon., on my way alone, my thoughts ran thus upon the subject, without the bible, or attending to what is said there: "If God has determined any thing, he has determined every thing; and if he has foreordained that a certain part shall be saved, he has designed the remainder for something; this must be for damnation; and they must be lost as certainly, as the others must be saved; and he who is the cause of the salvation of some, is the cause of damnation of the others. This was my vain philosophy at that time. This I concluded was true, according to my manner of reasoning.

Upon this plan, a difficulty arose in my mind which was this: "If all things are thus fixed, why are all men commanded to repent and believe the gospel? And why is salvation promised to them that believe, and damnation determined to them that disbelieve? My philosophy answered these questions in a short time, in the following manner: /242/ "Though God has determined that a certain part shall be saved; yet he has determined they shall be saved through faith in Christ; and though God has determined some shall be damned, yet he is determined they shall be damned for unbelief. Some shall believe, all might believe, though they will not. In this way I can preach the gospel to every creature, and as I do not know who the elect are, must do my duty in preaching to all, and the Lord knows how to select his own from among the non-elect." Here my mind was for several years, until the infection I took that afternoon, broke out universalism, about ten years after, and was thoroughly cured by apply the "ROOT OF JESSEE," to the wound that it caused.

Having the system so fixed in my mind, as to be able to preach to all, I always kept it for ballast, and never considered it a part of the my cargo. Some doubted whether I had any of it on board, but as they descended low, they always found some of it. By keeping my fatalism so, I ever preached a free gospel to all, and this was frequently blest to many, while my calvinism for ballast preserved my reputation among the calvinists, who considered me sound in the faith. This terrible doctrine of men, I held about ten years, and then signed an acquittance forever, to the great grief of its friends and admirers.

On the seventh of January, 1793, I was married to MARY BURLEIGH, fifth daughter of Josiah Burleigh of Newmarket, county of /243/ Rockingham, state of Newhampshire. I was then twenty three years, six months, and twenty one days old. My wife was born May twenty-fourth, 1773. The day we were married, she was nineteen years, seven months, and thirteen days old. We were married by Doctor Samuel Shepard, a baptist preacher, of Brentwood, N. H. We lived in a married state, twenty one years, one month, and twenty days. February 27, 1814, she died of the typhus fever in Philadelphia. We lived together but a small part of twenty-one years; as my work was to travel and preach, I was gone from home a considerable part of that time. We lived in harmony through the whole time, and she was a faithful friend to me, the children, my interest, reputation, and the cause of religion, and endured through many scenes of trouble which we were called to experience in the course of twenty-one years. When we were married, all the property I owned, was an horse, saddle and bridle, sleigh, and my clothes.

Being but little acquainted with life, I was ignorant of the difficulties people are called to encounter, and having been always provided for, had no doubt, but "the Lord would provide" in time to come. this has been proved true to the present time. I then enjoyed a kind of independence from men, not because of so much, but because I could live upon so little.

In the month of January, several people in Effingham, N. H. who had been baptised by /244/ Elder Taylor of that town, sent to Brentwood, requesting the baptist church there, to send an Elder and brethren to constitute them a branch of the Brentwood church; that being a method adopted by Doctor Shepard, where there were small companies of brethren in a distant town. With me were chosen, brethren, Broadstreet Gilman, of Newmarket, and Deacon Moses Clark, of Stratham. We arrived at Effingham, about the first of February. The Elder and brethren there were considered by us a branch of the Brentwood church, in fellowship with the whole body. After several preaching meetings, we returned back to our places of abode.

In the course of this winter, Joshua Smith went to Bow, a town on the Merrimack river, and preached some time. A considerable number were converted to God, and baptised according to the new-testament. John Bryant Esq. first invited him there. A blessing rested on him, and his family. Four of his daughters were the happy sharers in the reformation. One is dead, the others for ought I know, continue in obedience to the gospel to this day. The latter part of February, I visited them, and found an happy number united them, and found an happy number united in love; walking in the ordinances of the Lord blameless. From Bow I went to Salisbury by request, tarried and preached with them certain days. The church and society pressed me hard to make my home with them, as I expected to make some town the place of my permanent residence in the spring. /245/

Giving them some encouragement, I returned to Newmarket in March, promising to give them a final answer in April. As to outward things there was something to engage my attention there. they had a new meeting-house completely finished. The society was large, rich, and liberal; and proposed to give me two hundred dollars per year; find me an house and wood. There was a prospect of doing good in that town and in many towns around who wished to hear the baptist preachers. The chief objection was, that it was too far back in the country, as my choice was to live near the sea; and another thing of considerable weight, which was, that of leaving so many good brethren in the eastern part of the state. After my return, I stated to the brethren the request of the people in Salisbury. They were universally against my making an home in that town, and said so much against it, that my determination was not to go, if it was possible to get off fairly. When I visited them in April, they were so determined on my coming, that there was no way to get clear, and agreed to go upon this condition: to be liberty to return in six months, if I did not choose to abide with them any longer.

Just before that time, the people in Warner, about eight miles from Salisbury, agreed to build a meeting-house; and calculated for me to preach there one third of the time, and at Salisbury the other two thirds. This the people in both tows were agreed in; and to this I consented, and returned to give a /246/ decided answer to the brethren in Lee, and the other towns.

When they heard what was determined, they were greatly grieved, and my coming at that time caused general sorrow to myself and my brethren. The last of April, 1793, I preached my farewell sermon, at Broadstreet Gilman's house; the place where I attended the first meeting two years before. My text was this: 1 pet. v. 10, "But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Jesus Christ, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you." We parted in tears, hoping for one meeting, no more to part.

I journeyed to Salisbury, and met the people at the day appointed. It was not long before my labors were blest, in the conversion of many to God. In the last of May, I returned to Newmarket with a friend from Salisbury who accompanied me. My wife went with us to Salisbury, and we lived in Capt. Benjamin Pettingill's family six weeks, before our furniture came on. My wife was well provided with furniture by her father, who was both able and willing to help her.

On Saturday evening, the furniture was brought at the expence of the people in Salisbury. Monday, we put our furniture in it's place, and in the afternoon left our board-house. I had not made any provision for food to live upon; depending on the people to supply us; of course, we had no provision in the house to live on. Towards night, /247/ Reuben True, who was at that time an hearty friend to us, brought a large dry codfish, as a present. Mrs. Fifield, wife of Josephus Fifield, brought us half of a loaf of flour bread, and about one pound of butter. The committee of the society took up at Eliphalet William's store, some crockery, glass-ware, sugar, tea and coffee, to the amount of sixteen dollars. With all these things we were well provided with food, for more than one day; this was enough for that time, and we were both contented with our situation. This was indeed a small beginning, but large enough for our wants.

At that time, the great things of the kingdom of God; the glory of Christ; the salvation of sinners; and my duty to the saints, took up my attention so that there was little or no room left, to desire much of this world; or to feel distressed about what we should eat, drink, or wherewithal we should be clothed. Through that summer, the work of the Lord went on gloriously in Salisbury, Boscawen, Warner, Andover, and New-Chester; so that my time was almost wholly taken up in preaching and baptizing in these towns. In the assembly that attended at Salisbury, from Boscawen and Andover, were many who gave an evidence of being born of the spirit. In the course of one year, over one hundred were converted and baptised as members of that church. Our meetings were remarkably free, and the converts often spake, prayed and sung in the meeting-house; while all were /248/ attentive to hear them. The attention was so great, that I felt contented to abide with them; and when my engagement for six months was out, I agree to continue with them six months longer; determining after that time to return to the eastern part of the state again.

In the course of the summer of the summer, 1793, some of Mr. Worcester's church left him; were baptised, and became members of the baptist church. This greatly disturbed him, and other leaders in the congregational church. He wrote me one or two severe letters, but I paid no attention to them. He then wrote, requesting me to appoint a day for him to visit me, and converse upon the things he had stated in his letter, if I would not write. I told the bearer, that he might find me at home the next Monday afternoon.

Previously to this, he had written a letter to a man in Salem, Mass. by the name of Norris; this letter was so against me, that Mr. Norris shewed it to some of my friends in Danvers. They shewed it to Elder Thomas Green, who then lived at Danvers Mills. He from regard to me, copied the letter and sent it in another by the hand of a brother, Benjamin Clough, who lived near me. Elder Green in his letter stated, that Mr. Worcester's letter made an unfavorable impression on the minds of many; and that in /249/ proportion to Mr. Worcester was considered a good divine, I was considered a bad one. I received Elder Green's letter, and a copy of Mr. Worcester's, the Saturday evening before he had appointed to meet me on Monday.

Having received this, I considered myself well prepared to meet him. On the first day of the week, I told some of the leading members of the church of the appointed meeting; the letter received, &c. and desired them to attend on Monday without fail. This they agreed to do, as they considered it of importance to have witnesses of what would be said on both sides.

At 2 o'clock, Mr. Worcester came, attended by some of his chief men. My brethren were particular to attend by this time. After some general observations, I observed to him, that we were all ready to attend to the things stated in his letters to me. He stated that the subjects contained in his letters to me were things he wished to converse upon. He had stated in one letter several points of doctrine, which he supposed I held, which he considered erroneous; and also that I was making bad use of my abilities. In the close of his letter he said, "I consider you a man of abilities; but good abilities badly used, are extremely injurious to the cause of religion." In the presence of six witnesses, we took up every particular in his letters; and there was but one thing that we differed upon; that was baptism. When we had gone through, I asked him what grounds he had to bring /250/ such charges against me, when he had no proof to support such charges? He replied, that he had been told so by some who heard me, whom he supposed were judges of what they heard. My advice to him was, that in future he should be careful how he judged and condemned others without knowing for himself that they were guilty. He said he though he should be more careful in future. The business respecting his letter to me being settled, I though it time to introduce the other. This was introduced in the following manner, "Mr. Worcester, have you any personal difficulty with me?" "Have you ever heard of my speaking unfavorably of you by misrepresenting you, or endeavoring to injure your character or usefulness?" He answered, no. I then asked, "Have you said or done any thing calculated to injure my character or usefulness?" He said, "not any where near." "Have you at a distance?" He replied, "I am not obliged to tell you if I have." I then said, "You may as well own it, for I can prove you have." He then with an air of importance said, "Your bare say so will not prove it." "No, said I, but I have in my possession the copy of a letter, which I believe can be proved to be written by you; which is calculated to injure me." this saying appeared to strike a damp on him and his nobles. He and they remained silent for a while; when he spake he said, "I did not think you would ever get that letter; I shall reprove my friend for letting it be /251/ known." My reply was, "You must do as you please respecting your friend; but you ought to be careful what you write, as such things are apt to be published, and I have some friends as well as enemies." Having gone so far, I then took out the letter, and read it to his and my friends. I have not the letter by me, but part of it I remember, though it was done twenty two years ago. The following is I believe about as he wrote to his friend:

"The baptists continue to exert themselves in making prosolytes in this town; and not without some considerable success. They have lately drawn away a brother that has been in good standing with us for many years. I think the wisdom of God is manifest in this particular. In a time of so much prosperity we need something to humble us, least we should be too much lifted up. The baptist ministers who have preached among us of late, appear to be zealous of prosolyting to their own sentiments and party; a success of this kind, is all of which they can boast. There is one of that denomination, that preaches for the most part of the time in this town, by the name of Elias Smith. He boldly denies, that sinners are under any obligations to God; but only to Christ, in the character of mediator. Immediately after baptising, he has publicly said, "Lord it is done as thou has commanded and yet there is room." Last week, when baptising the above named person, he publicly prayed, without an /252/ if, that all his brethren, and all the brethren of this church might see, and practice as he had done. How long he will be suffered to go on in this way the Lord only knows. But offences must come, and how consolating is the thought, that every event is under the divine direction, and that the Lord reigns forever, even thy God O, Zion." Yours, &c.

Reading this letter had an humbling effect on him and his brethren, as we all thought; and he promised to write to his friend, and inform him that the statements he had made concerning me were incorrect. This was all I asked of him at that time. After taking some refreshment, they all withdrew. As he went out at the door, he requested me to let the matter remain in silence for that time. So it has remained until now. The above is according to the best of my recollection. After this we lived in peace, and I came very near being drawn into the vortex of hopkintonianism, but finally escaped.

In the latter part of the winter following, (1794,) I was about determined, when my year was out with them, to return to Newmarket or some town near that. The whole church and society were opposed to my leaving them; and at a society meeting in March, were unanimously agreed in my continuing with them, and they manifested a willingness to do what was needful for the support of me and my family. They further proposed to purchase a small convenient house, that stood near the meeting-house, and to make me a /253/ present of it. This I was utterly opposed to; as it would lay me under an additional obligation to continue with them. This objection they removed by telling me if I went away in six months, the house should be mind. For a long time I refused to take a deed of it. At last the committee told me if I would not take the deed, they would give it to my wife. I then consented; but told them it was my fixed determination to go from that town.

In the spring of 1794, I moved into the house, and lived in it one or two years, and then exchanged it for a two storied house nearer the meeting-house. No one made objection to this, as the house was mine to keep, or dispose of at pleasure. September 18th, of the same year, my eldest child was born in the house they gave me. Near that time my mother came to visit us, and gave her the name, Ursula, out of respect to a daughter of governor Griswold, of Lyme, in Connecticut, who had been an intimate acquaintance of hers, in the days of her youth. When she was about one month old, my youngest brother, Richard R. Smith, visited us, and on first seeing the child, composed the following lines: "We bid you welcome little stranger, To this world of sin and danger; May you in years and grace increase, And swell at last in perfect peace." /254/

when my oldest child was ten days old, and the 28th of September, 1794, having previously concluded on a journey to Lyme, Con. I sat out from Salisbury, and went first to Woodstock, as my father had agreed to go with me. I arrived there on Tuesday, 30th. Wednesday, Oct. 1, we went to Claremont, N. H. and held a meeting with Elder J. Peak, who was there on a visit, with his wife. Thursday, rode to Hinsdale. Friday, we went to South-Hadley. Saturday, to Suffield, and put up with Elder Hastings', a baptist preacher, who received us in a very cool manner. with him we tarried till Sunday night. He had a new, small brick meeting-house, partly finished, and but a few people in it in the forenoon. He asked me to preach first; I complied with his request. In the intermission, the people heard that a stranger preached in the morning, and in the afternoon the house was quite full. Seeing so many people come, he asked me to preach in the afternoon. I spake to the people according to the best of my ability.

The assembly appeared very attentive, as though the word had some effect on them. After meeting, deacon Robbins asked me to appoint a meeting at his house, about two miles from the meeting-house. This I did, and the house was crouded in every part with candid, attentive hearers. /255/

While with Elder Hastings, on Saturday evening, though he seemed cool at first, yet afterwards he grew more free, and conversed upon many things. He had just returned from the ordination of Mr. Whelpley, a baptist minister, in Sandersfield, Mass. This young man was educated at Providence college, as I heard; studied divinity with Dr. Stillman, of Boston, and was quite in clerical fashion. As he had a college education, and was something like the clergy in Connecticut, several of the presbyterian clergy attended. Elder Hastings stated to us that Elder John Leland was appointed to preach the ordination sermon. He said that when the people came together, the meeting-house would not hold them. The people then went to a grove, near the house; erected a stage that the people might hear. Mr. Leland had not spoken long, before it began to rain a little, so that several people went to the meeting-house for a shelter. As they were going, Elder Leland said to old Elder Thomas Morse, "What shall I do, father Morse?" He replied, "Wait a little while; the rain will soon be over, and the people will return." He sat a while; the cloud passed over, and the people returned. After they were all seated, ready to hear, Mr. Leland rose up, and after looking around, as though surprised, and wishing also to sting the clergy severely on account of their infant sprinkling, he said, "My friends, I am astonished to see baptists afraid of water! But when I come to think, /256/ it is sprinkling; and I do not wonder that you flee from it." This was a severe stroke upon the Connecticut clergy, and very mortifying to Mr. Whelpley. Mr. Leland having said this, proceeded in his sermon as he had proposed before the shower.

Elder Hastings, on Saturday evening, gave us another account of Mr. Leland's wit in Virginia. He stated, that in one place in Virginia, where Mr. Leland went to preach one cold day, the principal people were in the habit of going out before the meeting was done, if the minister spake much over three quarters of an hour. Some of the brethren told him they hoped he would not preach long, for if he did, there were some gentlemen that would leave the house. He said nothing; but went to meeting. After speaking about forty-five minutes, ne noticed that some grew uneasy, and acted as though they meant soon to go out. Observing this, he paused a moment, and then said, "My friends, it is cold, and I have now got about half through my discourse; and I suppose those of you who have holes in the heels of your stockings will be obliged to leave the house before the meeting is done." This saying removed all the apparent uneasiness; and no one dared to leave the house till the meeting closed.

Having heard Elder Hastings' anecdotes about Mr. Leland, preached twice in the meeting-house, and once in Deacon Robbins' house, he sat out with us on Monday morning for Hartford. We arrived there about /257/ the middle of the day. Formed some new acquaintance; preached in the evening; put up with Deacon Beckwith, and on Tuesday morning set out for a place called Hartford five miles, about ten miles from the city; here I preached in the evening to a company of old brethren and others, that I had formed an acquaintance with when teaching a school among them the winter before I was twenty years old. They were heartily glad to see me, and rejoiced to see me engaged in the glorious work of preaching the gospel of Christ.

Wednesday, we rode to the upper part of Lyme, and put up with Captain Abner Lee, the man with whom my father served his apprenticeship. He was an old man, and an humble happy disciple of Jesus. He with his wife received us cheerfully. We attended a meeting there that evening.

The good old man had prepared his house for meetings, and had seats ready, and a moveable pulpit, which he could make convenient with a little trouble. After the people were gone home, and they were carrying out the seats, the old man told me of one thing about Mr. Leland, who had preached in his pulpit some time before. He stated that after the seats were placed, and the pulpit, he said to Mr. Leland, "I do not know as you can put up with our wooden pulpit." He made no reply, but began his meeting. After preaching a while, he had occasion to notice the preaching the people /258/ had in old times; and noticed the difference between that and the popular doctrines of the day in which he lived. "In the days of the apostles, said he, they had wooden pulpits and golden preaching, but now they have golden pulpits and wooden preaching. Give me a wooden pulpit, and golden preaching, rather than golden pulpits and wooden preaching!" And let all the people say, Amen.

Captain Lee told us of another thing respecting Mr. Leland, that I here mention, that preachers may learn to avoid extremes in preaching. Mr. L. is, and has been considered a man of the most ready wit of any preacher in the country. The old pilgrim said that when preaching in Mr. Daniel Miner's meeting-house, he undertook to describe the freeness of the gospel, though he was a calvinist, and to tell the people how welcome every class of men were to the gospel feast. He went into particulars. Said he the rich may come, the poor may come and be welcome. The king may come, the meanest subject may come. The blind, the deaf, the dumb, the halt, the lame may come. The thief, the liar, the drunkard, the extortioner, the blasphemer, if he repents, may come. The Jew, the Gentile, the European, the Greenlander, the African, the Indian may come. The meanest slave, the old and young may come to the gospel feast. Here he paused, as the minds of the people were wrought up to the highest pitch; he added /259/ "I had like to have said, you may come tag, rag, and bobtail and all." this for a moment took away all the solemnity of what he had said before, and some remembered only this part of the discourse. Such expressions are not commendable in any public speaker; as in this way their good is evil spoken of.

Capt. Lee's wife, who was a woman of fine sense, told us of another preacher who had spoken there, that made a great mistake in preaching, by reading his text wrong. His text was this, Zep. iii. 3, "Her princes within her are roaring lions, her judges are evening wolves; they knew not the bones till the morrow." He read it "They know not the bones to the marrow." And so he preached upon his text. This may serve to lead preachers, at least to read their text right, before they undertake to give the meaning to others.

Having been favored with a short, pleasant and profitable visit with these aged pilgrims, on Thursday morning we sat out to attend a meeting at Elder Daniel Miner's meeting-house, about four miles south. This man was what then was called a separate congregationalist, and was the one that sprinkled me; and this was the meeting-house where it was done. entering the house, the whole scene of being sprinkled came fresh into my mind. Mr. Miner received me heartily, and wished me to preach, though the meeting was appointed for him. They desired me to preach the next Thursday, and the meeting was appointed. /260/ The next day, Elder Miner went with us several miles, to a kinsman of his by the name of Elias Miner. Here we dined, and after singing and prayer we parted. He returned home and we went on to see Elder Jason Lee, an old baptist preacher.

Previous to this, he had written, requesting me if possible, in his day, to visit the land of my nativity, and preach the gospel to the people. When we met him at his house, he resembled the old disciple with whom some of the apostles once were to lodge. He received my father and me with all that affection and friendship peculiar to a disciple and minister of Jesus. Here we tarried until Monday morning. On the first day of the week, many people gathered at the meeting-house.

After we went into the pulpit, he asked me which part of the day I chose to preach. I said the forenoon. As this was the house where I attended meeting when a child, my desire was, if ever an opportunity presented, to preach in that house, to speak upon one particular passage of scripture. The words were these: Luke iv. 16, 17, 18, 19, "And he came back to Nazareth, where he had been brought up; and, as his custom was, he went into the synagogue on the sabbath-day, and stood up for to read. And there was delivered unto him the book of the prophet Esaias; and when he had opened the book, he found the place where it was written; The spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath /261/ annointed (sic) me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the broken hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised; to preach the acceptable year of the Lord."

It is not for me to say much about the preaching; but many said, "The Lord is here." Elder lee was so moved that he cried aloud, and an awful solemnity reigned through the assembly. If ever the spirit of the Lord was upon me while preaching, it was at that time. After preaching, Elder Lee prayed in the most devotional and fervent manner I ever before heard. At noon, we went with James Lewis to his house. Many came in to hear and converse. After taking some refreshment, I mentioned to Elder Lee, that it was expected he would preach that afternoon. Said he, "If you stay here this month, I shall not preach while you stay." I spake again in the afternoon. At the close of the meeting several men desired me to preach in the meeting-house that evening. A meeting was appointed and the house was filled with people. I spake upon these words, 2 Thes. i. 10, "When he shall come to be glorified in his saints." My manner of treating the subject was this. 1. To describe the coming of Christ. 2. How he will be glorified in his saints at his coming. Every person seemed fixed to hear of the coming of Christ, thus to be glorified. /262/

In Connecticut, it is a custom for that part of the assembly addressed by the speaker, to rise up. In my address to the youth, towards the close, a cloud of them arose in every part of the house. This greatly affected me, so that for a short time, I could not speak. The glory of Christ's coming, while I was speaking, was realized by saints and sinners; and in a short time, a general sobbing was heard through the assembly. I do not remember of ever seeing an assembly so generally moved before.

After speaking, a solemn silence reigned through the whole. Elder Lee then closed the meeting by prayer, and the people retired to their homes. By request of the people, I appointed a meeting on Monday, two o'clock, at Capt. Johnson's on the east side of the town. On Tuesday, at Joseph Miller's, on the south side, near the sea. Wednesday evening at Mr. Darror's, in the centre of the town. These meetings I attended, and was enabled to preach the word with freedom, and to the satisfaction and comfort of many that attended.

On Wednesday evening the chief estates of Lyme attended. This meeting was near the house where I was born and lived till ten or eleven years old. Many knew me when I played in the street, and on this account came to see if any good thing could come out of Nazareth. Thursday, attended the meeting in Elder Miner's meeting-house, and took my farewell from him; this was our last /263/ parting, he died in a few years after. He was a man of God, and greatly owned in the conversion of sinners, and in comforting the children of the Most High, though he held to sprinkling children. After this meeting we rode to Capt. Lee's, and preached in the evening to a large assembly, among whom were many happy youth and others whose God was the Lord.

This meeting ended my appointments in Lyme, the place of my nativity. In nine days I rode through, and almost round the whole town, which is about ten miles square; preached ten times, saw many of my old acquaintance; and became acquainted with many who before were strangers; enjoyed the presence of God, was enabled to comfort the saints, and to leave a solemn warning for the wicked to flee from the wrath to come, and lay hold on eternal life. Several people who lived near the centre of the town, attended almost every meeting; having laid their work aside, that they might hear all that was said.

Friday morning, we took an affectionate farewell from Capt. Lee, his wife and family, never more to meet them on earth. My father was quite overcome, while parting from his old master Lee. He was converted and baptised, when an apprentice to him. They had lived in fellowship as brethren for about forty years. This he considered his last visit to Lyme, and to Capt. Lee's house. We all kneeled down and prayed, sorrowing most of all that we were to meet no more on earth. Of /264/ these three, I only am left alive. That day we rode to hartford five miles, attended a meeting according to appointment, and on Saturday rode to Hartford city, the place now so noted for the Hartford Convention which met there in December, 1814.

On the first day of the week, preached twice to the baptist church in the old court-house; broke bread in the afternoon, attended another meeting there in the evening. Was not well satisfied with my labor, if the people were. Speaking and riding so far the week before, exhausted me so much, that though the spirit was willing the flesh was weak. WE tarried in Hartford till Tuesday, and that day rode to West-Springfield, and preached in the evening at the baptist meeting-house. Wednesday, we went on our journey home. I parted with my father in Keene, N. H. He went to Woodstock, and I to Salisbury, through the towns of Sullivan, Washington and Warner, and arrived at Salisbury on Saturday morning. In this journey I rode over four hundred miles in twenty-seven days, and spake publicly twenty-one times. Preaching so often at that day, was considered almost too much for any man's constitution; but I found then, as often since, that frequent speaking, unless a man speaks too loud and long is an help to him instead of being injurious. /265/

Not long from the time of my return from Connecticut, while living in the house given me by the society, Joshua Smith came into Salisbury and preached to the awakening of several who before that time had lived without much concern respecting their danger. Elder Jones also visited me some time before he began to speak in public. Not far from this time, the reformation abated, and a difficulty arose in the church concerning doctrines. Some of the members were strict calvinists, and others free. This caused great trouble, as I felt a necessity of being decided as to one side or the other. The consequences at least were serious indeed.

After I had moved into the other house, near the meeting-house, the people proposed to me to teach the children in the winter of 1796. This I did for a while, but the work was so hard, and the confinement so great, that I did not continue school long, and then determined never again to be confined in that way, unless there was no other way left for me to obtain a living; that resolve I have maintained to this day. By this time I became very unhappy and discontented in my situation in Salisbury, though the people were ready and willing to support me if I would continue to preach with them. In the summer of 1796, I concluded to preach there only one half of the time. One quarter of the time I agreed to preach in Epping, the /266/ other quarter in Stratham. This agreement I punctually fulfilled.

Towards winter, the baptists in Woburn, Mass. sent to me requesting a visit. I went there not far from December, and preached once. They urged me to preach with them that winter, and I agreed to preach there two thirds of the time till spring. Having agreed to preach with them through the winter, I concluded to carry my wife and child to her father's in Newmarket, as they wished her to spend the winter with them. We shut up our house, and left the town, not expecting to return till spring. The people in Salisbury were very loth to have us leave them, and my wife had a choice in residing there, rather than any other place on earth; but as I was so discontented there they gave it up.

It was my lot to suffer considerable by the cold through the winter, in journeying from one place to another. Some of the time I preached in Reading, five miles from Woburn, and several times rode to Newmarket, a distance of about fifty miles from Woburn. Through the winter it was my design to live with my family in Woburn, as they were willing to do more for me than they did in Salisbury, and at that time, was a maxim with many of the baptist preachers, "That it was the greatest duty to go where the people would do the most for us." At that time there were not many places where the baptist people were both able and willing to five a preacher enough to support him and his family. /267/

In the last of February, 1797, while in Newton, N. H. at the house of Elder John Peak, as I was meditating on my situation, that of my family, and going to Woburn to live, I began to count the cost of what I had contemplated, and concluded, that I should be in a much better situation in Salisbury, than in Woburn. In Salisbury I had a good house almost finished, for which I owed but little. There was also a large meeting-house, large church, and a large and rich society; a great country around where the people wished me to travel and preach. Putting all these things together, and knowing that my wife preferred that place to any other, I suddenly resolved to try to be contented there; and to tell the people I was willing to agree to live with them as long as they wished me to stay. With this resolution I went to Salisbury, called the church and society together, and told them what I had concluded on. They readily accepted my proposal, and agreed to give me what they had formerly given. I then return to Woburn, about ninety miles from Salisbury, settled my affairs with them, sent my books and other things on, and a man in my absence was to go from Boscawen to Newmarket and bring my wife and child to Salisbury in a sleigh, against my return.

I took my leave of the people in Woburn, and of my friends in Boston, particularly my good brother Baldwin, who said, he should have been glad for me to have my home in Woburn. About the middle of March, I left /268/ Woburn for Salisbury, and rode through in two days. The weather the first day was uncommonly cold, and the wind high, so that some did not pretend to ride. I froze myself some the first day, but went on my journey. When at Boscawen, I found my wife and child had not come on. She was unwell, and not able to come, and the young man returned without her. This intelligence cast me down very much, as I knew her situation was such that she would not be able to come till some time in the summer.

After attending to my affairs awhile, I went to Newmarket, and tarried awhile, and then returned. Being alone, I travelled and preached in the different towns through the week, and was generally at Salisbury on Sundays. As I had found myself to the people there, my conclusion was to make the best of my bondage, and try to be contented.

In the spring, I concluded to finish my house, and be a settled minister as the clergy were, and as was the case with some of the baptist ministers. One chamber I had fixed for my study. In this was a book case made, and a table to draw out, where I might write my notes, and do other writing with ease and convenience. My house was painted white, and thought whether I might not live in ease as well as other men.

Amidst all this there was a lack, which increased upon me. Sometimes my state of bondage would trouble me, and a secret wish of this kind would revolve in my mind, "O, /269/ that I was as free from all men as I was last winter; but I am bound and to this I must submit." Frequently my spirit sunk within me, not knowing what course to take. in this time a small family moved into my house; a young man and his mother. She prepared food for me, and I spent some of my time in reading different books, and much of it in a state of gloominess and sorrow. From the day of my birth till then, I had never in reality known what trouble was, and what I then felt was but the beginning of sorrow.

In the month of June, I was called to visit the people in Sandwich, a place about fifty-five miles northeast of Salisbury. On my way there, I heard my wife was delivered of a son on the tenth of the month, which was one week before I heard of it. Having fulfilled my appointments in Sandwich, I rode to Newmarket on Monday and Tuesday, and found the mother and child well, which was a comfort to me amidst the troubles I then endured. Having tarried there a few days, I returned to Salisbury; and when my child was about six weeks ago, went with a four wheeled carriage, and brought them all to Salisbury safe, all enjoying good health. The arrival of my little family after an absence of eight months, caused joy to my friends, as they expected that in future that would be the place of our abode for life.

Some reader may perhaps ask, what was the cause of so much trouble and discontent, amidst such surrounding circumstances, /270/ calculated to render a man happy? I answer, the things which contribute to the happiness of christians in general, are not always calculated to make a minister of the gospel happy. A minister of Christ ought always to be free from all men, that he may be servant to all. When I first began to preach, my mind and body was free, then I was happy. Through ignorance, I often bound myself for another year, not thinking, or meaning any evil in so doing. Many times the question would arise, why am I so unhappy in my engagements by the year, when many who are settled for life are unhappy the moment they see any danger of being dismissed? The reason was, because it was never my duty nor theirs to be settled in such a manner. When my mind was right in preaching, it was led to travel and preach as Christ and the apostles did; but when confined by the year, I could not go, let my desire to travel be ever so great. I hope that every young man who is called to preach, will keep free to travel and turn many to righteousness, without being confined by a fine meeting-house, salary, or the importunity of friends who would limit him to bounds and not set by his Master.

Not long after my family returned, my old trouble, discontent, increased beyond what it had been before; but being bound, I though best to bear it in silence. It had such an /271/ effect on me, that I would not read with any satisfaction, and at last was so dejected, that some days I shut myself in the chamber, and kept every person out; and for several days, hardly spake to any one. In the month of October, of that year, as I was digging potatoes in my garden, and meditating on my state of bondage, this question arose in my mind. Was it right for me to bind myself as I did last spring? The answer was, no. Is it right for me to keep bound in unrighteousness? The answer was, no. Why may I not be free? You may. When? Now. What followed was this: "I AM FREE." There my bondage ended, and I took up my basket of potatoes as a free man, and carried them into my cellar, and considered them the property of a free man. The next step was to tell the people I could not stand to my agreement, and must be disengaged from it, come life or death.

When this was noised abroad, some of our principal society men were sorely displeased, as they concluded there was no dependance on such an unstable person. Some were grieved; and some said, let him go if he will. Some said they would be my friends, stay or go. They finally concluded to let me go; but a very few of the set ones said, they would never hear me again, and I believe they kept their words ever after.

As soon as my engagement was up, my heart leaped for joy, as a prisoner would to be set free from a long confinement in prison. /272/ I now considered myself free to travel and preach wherever duty called.

Soon after this my brother came there to preach, and being dismissed, I went into the pew, instead of the pulpit. this grieved many and acceptable to a few. In the month of November, I went to Woburn, Reading and Boston, and preached in each of these towns. Not being engaged anywhere, the people in Reading and Woburn requested me to preach with them again. This I agreed to, but meant to be free. My wife the winter before, had visited Woburn, and liked the people, but did not like the place; and was unwilling to move there, and leave her good house in Salisbury, for one or two rooms in another man's house. As I had conversed with Mr. Baldwin and Dr. Stillman, of Boston, who advised me to move there, I agreed to carry my family down in January, 1798; and returned home in December, having engaged part of an house belonging to Deacon Josiah Convers, a member of the baptist church there.

When I told my wife that my determination was to move to Woburn the next month, she was sore aggrieved at the though of leaving her house and many good friends; but as some were offended, and as I had concluded to move there, she submitted to it, and made preparation to go. In January, we sent the chief of our furniture on, and went ourselves and the children to Newmarket. There my wife and her children tarried till /273/ February, and I went on to Woburn, to get the house ready for them. Deacon Convers finished one room in his house that month, and was to finish a chamber in the spring; this one room was all we had that winter.

In February, I went to Newmarket after my family; and after some days, there being but little snow, we sat out with the youngest child for Woburn. When we had gone as far as Kingston plain, twelve miles from Newmarket, the snow was mostly gone, and as the south wind blew, it melted away fast. We were then twelve miles from Haverhill, where we meant to put up that night. The only way for us to proceed on our journey, was for me to walk, and let the horse draw the load on the ground. This I did, but it was a tiresome day's work for us all. The road about two miles from Haverhill was so miry, that the horse had hard work to get through. We arrived in Haverhill late in the evening, and put up with David Morse, who kindly received us, and made us as comfortable as he could.

My wife, who was very slender, took such a cold that day, that she was confined to her bed the day following. As I had an appointment in Woburn, which could not be dispensed with, I left her and went on my horse, and attended my meeting; leaving her to come on in the stage, as soon as she was able. In about four days she came; and so through many difficulties, we all got safe to land, and were kindly received by our friends. This /274/ was again beginning the world anew. We were strangers, and depended entirely on our friends for help; but a way opened for our escape through the whole.

Soon after my removal to Woburn, the church wished me to be dismissed from the church in Salisbury, and recommended to them as a member in good standing, to be received as a member with them. This they refused to do, though they had brought no charge against me; but they requested me to visit them that every thing between then and the society might be settled honorably. In the spring, or fore part of summer, I went there, and then found what the difficulty was. Though they had given me a deed of the house and land, and had said, if I went away in six months, it should be mind; and though I had tarried not far from four years, and had served them according to the best of my ability; yet now they wished it back again, or the money they paid for it; and I found that they meant to withhold a dismission and recommendation, unless I gave them an obligation to give them the money whenever the house was sold. As I had never coveted their silver nor gold, house nor land, I gave them a writing which satisfied them, and then my character stood so fair, that the church and society gave me as good a recommendation as I needed; and was so dismissed, that when received by the other church, I was dismissed from their special watch and care. /275/

Here I first felt the strength of the cords of sectarian bondage. It was a practice among the baptists at that time, to hold a member till he was received by another church, by his and their request; if by any means they chose to hold him, they kept him to do what they pleased, according to their law. This is bondage, and contrary to the perfect law of liberty.

Having obtained my dismission and recommendation, at the price of one hundred and forty-nine dollars, and cost, I returned to Woburn, well pleased to think I had got clear without having my character smutted. Presenting my dismissal, and two recommendations to the church, I was unanimously received as a member in full fellowship; as one of their faith and order. The treatment which I received from the baptist preachers and churches in Massachusetts, at that time, proved to my satisfaction, that I stood high in their esteem. I was invited to preach in their most popular assemblies, and received into the company of what they called their first people, through I ever felt myself unworthy of the then honorable treatment received from them.

As one object in going to Woburn was to gain useful knowledge, by having an opportunity to converse with such knowing men as I considered Dr. Stillman and other baptist preachers to be, and to read such books as they possessed; when in their company, I calculated to gain all I could from them. I was however frequently disappointed, as they /276/ had not that knowledge of the scriptures which their high titles gave me occasion to suppose they possessed.

From the first of my appearing in public, I had been in the habit of dressing plain, though I sometimes dressed in black. As my residence was near Boston, and being frequently there, the two Boston ministers often made mention of my plain dress; and particularly Mr. Baldwin, who was a very fashionable man. He one day said, "you are not yet fifty years old;" intimating that at such as age, my dress might be suitable. In this I soon began to conform; and went on till they with me, left that simplicity which at first was seen among the baptists. I was soon dressed in fashionable black, a large three cornered hat, and black silk gloves, to wear in the meeting-house in "dog days." (Isa. lvi. 10, 11, 12.)

My salary in Woburn, was three hundred and thirty-three dollars, and thirty-three cents per year. This was sufficient to support my small family, and be in the fashion of the baptist clergy around me.

The first year of my residence in Woburn, the Lord blest my labors among the people there, in Reading, and Malden. Several in these towns were converted to God, and baptised. Through the summer of 1798, the /277/ assembly increased, and a goodly number were added to the church. One thing which caused the assembly to increase, was the situation of the congregational society in that town. They had a settled clergyman by the name of Sargent; perhaps as poor a speaker as ever ascended the pulpit stairs. They had for several years labored hard to get rid of him; but he still remained among them. I was told, that when the people complained to him of the badness of his voice, he said the sounding-board was too high, and that if the sounding-board was lowered, he could speak better. A parish meeting was called for this purpose. The moderator introduced the subject of altering the sounding-board. One man by the name of Jesse Richardson, a shrewd old man, rose up instantly, and said, "Mr. Moderator, I move, that the sound under the board be altered first." This prevented any further proceedings as to the sounding-board, and after that, the great study was how to get rid of the sound under the board.

After much labor, councils, and the members joining the baptist society, they gave him about five hundred dollars to go off, and carry his voice with him. This is according to the best of my recollection.

Though we lived in peace, there was one difficulty among us. The laws of Massachusetts were such, that no minister could marry people out of town where he lived, unless a town was destitute of a settled minister, and no minister was allowed to marry where /278/ he lived, unless he was settled as the pastor of the church where he preached. This made some of my friends uneasy, as I could not marry them, nor get the money which the law gave the minister for every couple he married. The question arose, "What shall be done?" The ministers in Boston said, "You must be installed." This I was entirely ignorant of, as no such thing was mentioned in the bible; but as they said it would do, and as they were learned men and to be depended on, I consented to be installed, to have the benefit of the laws, as a "state minister."

November 14, 1798, was the day appointed for this new fangled ceremony. When the day came, a great multitude attended. The baptist ministers who attended, as they were stiled in the Boston Chronicle, where the following: Rev. Dr. Stillman, Rev. Dr. Smith, Rev. Mr. Baldwin, and Rev. Mr. Grafton. As I had been ordained at Lee, some years before, and as Mr. Baldwin had heard my experience then, given me the right hand of fellowship; as I had a good recommendation from the baptist church and society in Salisbury; it was thought unnecessary by the council to examine my experience, call to preach, or system of doctrine. The council was held in the morning, and the chief done was to know how I stood with the church, what salary I was to have, &c. and to agree what part each one should take in the meeting-house. All this was agreed on, and at the hour appointed, we went out of the chamber and went /279/ to the congregational meeting-house, which they had graciously favored us with to perform our popery in. The day I was installed was an high day with us. We made something of a splendid appearance as it respected the ignorant. We had two Doctors of Divinity; one of two A. M's and we all wore bands.

When we came out of the counsel chamber, and formed a procession to talk in baptist clerical order to the meeting-house, we looked as much like the cardinals coming out of the conclave after electing a pope, as our practice was like theirs, and the chief difference was in the name, and the color of our clothes. Doctor Stillman preached a good sermon, from Eph. iii. 8, "Unto me, who am less than the least of all saints, is this grace given, that I should preach among the gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ." After preaching, Doctor Smith gave the charge; Mr. Baldwin the right hand of fellowship, which was the second time I received it from him. And to this day he has never given me, nor the public, a scriptural reason why he privately withdrew it from me. After performing, this man made anti-christain (sic) ceremony, called by its makers, installation; done to enable me to perform one thing which the pope in ancient days declared his right only to deal out; that is, to marry people according to the religious state law of Massachusetts; we all returned back to the council chamber, and /280/ were more merry than the rule given to Christ's ministers would allow us to be.

While setting and conversing together, Doctor Smith said to me, "I advise you to wear a band on Lord's days." (This was a piece of clerical foppery I always hated, and when I walked with it on, I then thought I acted with it as a pig does when he is first yoked; almost strike it with his knees, for fear he shall hit it. I should not have worn it that day, but Doctor Stillman, who was as fond of such foppery as a little girl is of fine baby rags, brought one and put it on me.) I asked the Doctor what the band meant? He replied, "That as I lived near the metropolis, it would make me appear respectable; and besides, said he, it will shew that you are an ordained minister." I then asked him how ministers came first to wear bands? He said, "He supposed it was taken from high priest's breast-plate." My reply was, if that is the way bands came, I will never wear one again; for my high priest has his on in glory; and for me to wear a band, would be taking that to myself which belongs only to him. From that day to this I have held as abominable, the band, surplice, and the other part of the clerical, anti-christian attire of the mother of harlots, and abomination of the earth.

The week after my installation, the following advertisement of my return to Babylon, and partaking of her plagues, appeared in the Boston Chronicle: /281/ INSTALLED,

"At Woburn, on Wednesday the 14th, the Rev. ELIAS SMITH, pastor of the baptist church in that place. The solemnity was introduced by an excellent anthem, which was well sung. Then followed the introductory prayer, and a sermon from Eph. iii. 8, by Rev. Dr. Stillman. The charge by the Rev. Dr. Smith, of Haverhill. The right hand of fellowship by the Rev. Mr. Baldwin, of Boston; and the concluding prayer by the Rev. Mr. Grafton, of Newton. The services were attended by a numerous and respectable assembly in the congregational meeting-house, with the use of which they were accommodated by the parish, in a most friendly manner."

This operation I went through, and though I did not see the propriety of it from the scriptures, yet thought there was no hurt in doing it. "The Lord pardon thy servant in this thing." 2 Kings, v. 18.

Our affairs being thus regulated according to law, there was a prospect of proceeding regularly; and I was determined to be steady, as they termed it; that is to be contented in my new confinement. During my stay at Born, which was till the year 1801, several things took place which shall be mentioned here.

1, Not long after being installed, several became indifferent, as to paying their part of the hundred pounds; the society had agreed to give me by the year. This caused a /282/ difficulty, as to my living. To remedy this evil, I proposed to the society to loan me one thousand dollars; the interest of which should be instead of fifty pounds. This they agreed to; and let me have a part of the money. Having this, I entered into partnership with two men, and opened a store in Woodstock, Vt. This business laid a foundation for much trouble afterwards; as my mind was entangled with the affairs of this world, which prevented my pleasing him who had called me to be a soldier; and before the business was ended, my mind was brought almost into a state of despair.

2. While at Woburn, in consequence of a connection with the baptist ministers and others around, I became quite too respectable for a minister of Christ. They dressed me in black, from head to foot,; and on some occasions a part of my dress was silk, with a large three cornered hat, and cloak of the best. I built an house there; kept an horse and carriage, and lived in ease as other salary men do.

Being so respectable, I began to write my sermons, but never carried them to the meeting-house. This was being so lame as to need one crutch; those baptist ministers who read their notes, have the gout to that degree, that they are obliged to use two crutches, and go hard and slow with them. The baptists in Boston frequently requested me to preach with them; all these things served by little and little to draw mind from the /283/ simplicity that is in Christ Jesus. I once told Mr. Baldwin, we were going back to the place from whence we came out. His reply was, "We wish to make our denomination respectable as well as the rest." Here it ended for a time.

3. George Washington died at the time of my residence at Woburn, and the people thought they must take some public notice of it. Of course a day was appointed. Dr. Jedidiah Morse, of Charleston, was requested to deliver the discourse. At the day appointed he came dressed in his surplice and band, with his old notes which he had read in Charleston, and the prayer on a piece of paper, which he had said over. As I was to make the first prayer, and Daniel Oliver the last, he shewed me his long made prayer, thinking it might help me to pray on this occasion; but like Saul's armor, it was too long for me, and I could not go with it.

At the distinguished hour, we all went through the mud to the meeting-house, which had much black cloth about it, as a mark of mourning for Washington. After some singing, praying, &c. the Reverend Doctor began his discourse in about the following words, "What meaneth all these funeral airs? Why all these marks of mourning? What sighs are these that heave the breast? Why these tears that steal down the sorrowful cheek? Methinks some one says, Washington is dead." It was, "flat as the canvass, and cold as the marble," There was not a /284/ sigh nor a tear in the meeting-house, excepting what his old notes contained. When this parade was over, the people dispersed, Dr. Morse received ten dollars, it was said, for his day's work, "and went to his place."

Soon after this, the baptists had a meeting on the occasion; dressed the pulpit with two yards of black broad cloth, and after meeting, it was presented to me; so that with the other clergy, I became the possessor of another black coat, for preaching Washington's funeral sermon.

4. While at Woburn, I first became acquainted with the different political principles of this country. Until that time my mind was taken up with other things, and was undetermined whether our form of government or monarchy, was the best. At that time the writings of OLD SOUTH, were published in the Boston Chronicle, which I read with attention, and became acquainted with the nature of monarchy and REPUBLICANISM, and was then certain that a republican government was in its nature as well calculated for the interest of the people, as monarchy is for the king. I became a republican from principle, and so must remain, or be dishonest. All the further information received sin, has only confirmed my mind in what I then believed just and true.

5. It was at Woburn, that my mind was first troubled about what is called the trinity. Some years before, Dr. S. Shepard had told me that three persons could not be one /285/ son; and that the text brought to prove the trinity, 1 John v. 7, did not say, three persons, but three, without saying what the three were. He also said, that where Watts said, "When God the mighty maker died," it ought to have read, "When Christ the mighty Saviour died;" because said he, God never died. This I remembered, and often after preaching, was much troubled on account of my ignorance of that mystery, or rather mistake.

Sometimes it was almost a settled point with me, never to preach again, until I could see how three persons could be one being.

The baptist ministers said it was a mystery and so it remained with me till within a few years. What is called election greatly agitated my mind about the same time. Dr. Stillman held that Christ died for the elect only; Dr. Baldwin held that there was a propriety in preaching the gospel to all, though but a small part would finally be benefited by it, and these were given to Christ in the covenant of redemption before the world was. These two men differed so much on that point of doctrine, that in a meeting each said to the other, if I held as you do, I would preach no more.

I had for many years held with Dr. Baldwin, but by reading the articles of the church in Woburn, I found it stated "that the death of Christ was special and particular, that is, for the elect only;" and finding it so there, concluded to preach according to the articles. /286/ One day, in the meeting-house, I told the people that according to the articles of the church, the fact was plainly this; all that were elected, of chosen in Christ before the foundation of the world would be saved and no others. Such could not miss of salvation, and the remainder must unavoidably be lost, because they were not elected.

This gave a great shock to many who heard, and the next day, some who before had been serious, went and joined the dancing school in that town. This troubled me much, and when I asked a young man why he did so, his reply was, that my preaching the Sunday before caused him to do as he had. He then said thus to me, "You told us that all given to Christ, or the elect would be saved, and that their salvation could not be prevented. Now said he, I believe it will be so. If I am one of the elect I shall as certainly be saved in attending the dancing school as at any other place; if I am not one of the elect, nothing I can do will prevent my being lost at last." he added, "I do not find any happiness in religion, and must have some diversion, and this is as innocent as any thing I can do. To live unhappy here, and be eternally miserable hereafter, is dreadful to me. I conclude it best to take what comfort I can in a civil way; and as I believe your doctrine, I am as safe so, as in praying and going to meeting in an unconverted state." /287/

This conversation brought me to a stand, and I left the young man without much reply to what he said. After leaving him the following passed through my mind: "What the young man says is rational. This is the practical part of my preaching. Paul's preaching never had such an effect upon his hearers, and such preaching is not according to the doctrine of Christ." My mind was seriously employed in examining the doctrine contained in the church book, and upon a careful and candid examination, I concluded that such doctrine was not the doctrine of Christ, and was determined to give it up as wrong, and soon reduced all my religion to two things, "believe right, and do right." This laid a foundation for examining every part of doctrine by the scriptures, and in consequence of this, for many years, the ignorant, the partial, and the dishonest, have considered me an heretic, and some have said, "not fit to live." About this time, I told Elder Peak my religion was reduced to two things, believe right and do right. Some of my acquaintance told me that from this he took occasion to say, I was either a Deist or Universalist.

6. My situation at Woburn as an installed minister, caused me to feel at times very unhappy, especially after receiving such a shock, respecting the doctrine I had preached, and must preach to be acceptable there. The only remedy I knew of was to go to another place. This was my determination /288/ about the year 1799. As my house was there. I concluded to try my bondage a little longer, knowing if I went away, the people would take my house and about all I had, for the money they had loaned me. They had given me between one and two hundred dollars toward building my house; this I had given my word should be paid back, if I went from them within seven years.

In the year 1801, my mind was fixed to go from that place, come life or death. The company had opened a store in Salisbury, N. H. The house and store was mine, and I concluded to go there and attend to my business, and preach on Sundays, and try to be a free man.

Mr. Baldwin, of Boston, heard of my determination, and came to visit me, hoping to dissuade from going from Woburn. He took me into Deacon Convers' pasture, and told me the necessity of remaining with the people, and in connection with the baptists in that region. I told him of my unfitness to perform the duties of a pastor. Said he, "if you are not qualified I am not. We acknowledge you equal to any of us in preaching, and before us in the knowledge of the scriptures."

After hearing all his arguments, I told him my mind and body were never designed for /289/ such narrow limits as my situation there fixed me in; and that it was a most distressing through, to be confined all my days to preach to two or three hundred people, when there was thousands around to hear. Here the conversation ended, and we returned to the house.

For many weeks my mind was greatly troubled on account of the doctrine I had preached, my connection with the baptists, the situation of my family, the trouble to be endured in consequence of leaving that place, and my connection with the church. By leaving them, my house, and all there must be given up; and I was quite certain the most influential would be against me. My final determination was to risk all the consequence of being dismissed from what they called my pastoral charge.

This was done in manner and form. A committee was appointed to settle with me. They owed me according to anti-christian bargain, for preaching calvinism, about one hundred and seventy dollars, and I took their note for the same. This was a sin committed ignorantly, which I believe is forgiven me, and which no poverty I hope will ever persuade me to do again. Deacon Josiah Convers took my house at one thousand dollars, and obliged me to allow him one hundred dollars for the land he had given me to build the house upon.

Those who had given me timber, boards, work, &c. called for their money back. One of /290/ the church, who subscribed four dollars, which he paid in four sticks of timber, eight inches square, and eighteen feet long, send in his bill thus: Elias Smith, to -------- ---------, Dr. To 4 sticks of timber 10 inches square, 20 feet long $6,00.

I told his son-in-law, the timber would not have been so long and large, had the trees stood growing till then; that he might measure them if he pleased. I also shewed him the subscription paper. He took the four dollars and "went his way."

Some who gave me work, brought in a bill, at seventy-five cents per day; others I hired charged but fifty cents. I allowed all their demands, and settled with the whole, with my house and note for preaching.

Some have tried to make strangers believe I wronged the people there, by keeping their money, but if this does not satisfy them, where the wrong was, let them go to Woburn, or the county records in Cambridge. It did not distress them at all to take all from me they could, after I had labored with them several years, receiving only a scanty living; nor did it distress the leaders to do all in their power to injure my character, and prevent my future usefulness. They have since found their punishment, for the wrong done to one who ever wished them well.

Having settled my affairs, in the month of September, 1801, I took my everlasting leave /291/ from installations, and hireling plans, such bondage as I had endured there, and sat out in a chaise, with my wife and three children, (one of which was born there, April 22, 1799,) for Salisbury, N. H. and arrived there in a few days.

At the time of leaving Woburn, it was my determination to preach no more, if I could remain in silence, choosing to labor hard for a living, rather than be so tormented with the doctrines I had preached, the bondage endured, and the cruel treatment of such as would be my friends when bound to them, and enemies when free from such bondage. After my removal to Salisbury, my time was taken up through the week in attending the store, and every Sunday in preaching, either in Northfield, or some town near.

Sometime in November, of that year, my youngest brother, who had embraced the doctrine called universalism, came to preach at Salisbury in the baptist meeting-house. I attended the meeting and hearing him describe the inconsistencies of calvinism, my mind was greatly taken hold of by his new doctrine, and though in the evening after his preaching, I had confounded him, yet a thought passed through my mind that his doctrine might be true, or at least more merciful than the doctrine of Calvin. As my mind ran upon the doctrine, I read Winchester's dialogues, Cheney's writings, and Huntington's "calvinism improved, or salvation for all men." Being convinced that calvinism /292/ was wrong, I concluded that of course, universalism must be right, and my mind consented that it was so.

Having made this new discovery, as it was considered, the change in my mind was soon sounded abroad; some were mad, some pleased, and many real christians grieved. One Sunday I preached twice upon universalism, in the congregational meeting-house at Boscawen, under many embarrassments, on account of the many plain passages of scripture which testified against that doctrine, as well as against calvinism. That doctrine led me into the company of those whose conduct was contrary to the doctrine of Christ, and it also caused me to offend against the generation of God's children. I remained in it about fifteen days, and was very unhappy through the whole. My mind was ensnared, and I felt myself in a situation from which it was not in my power to extricate myself. I found that my mind was still entangled with the old calvinistic doctrine, and that about all the difference between calvinism and universalism was in the number. One taught that a part were safe being predestinated; the other, that all were safe upon the same plan.

While meditating upon these doctrines and my own situation, and saying, what shall I do? there was a gentle whisper to my understanding in these words: "Drop them both, and search the scriptures." This command was immediately consented to; and instantly my mind was freed from the /293/ entanglement before experienced, and immediately I sung, "Our soul is escaped as a bird out of the snare of the fowler, the snare is broken, and we are escaped, our help is in the name of the Lord." From that moment, my mind was delivered from calvinism, universalism, and deism, three doctrines of men, which people love, who do not love holiness. These three things I had been troubled with at times, for many years, but they left me then, and for fourteen years I have believed them to be contrary to the doctrine of Christ, and so I consider them now, (Jan. 30, 1816,) and so must, unless I reject the doctrine of Christ.

Being convinced of the error of calvinism and universalism, I requested leave of the people in Salisbury to preach one Sunday, publicly to renounce universalism, and give them my reasons for rejecting the doctrine as false. Many people attended, but some of the universalists, after the people assembled, objected to my giving the reasons for rejecting the doctrine.

Anthony Whitmore, Esq. spake against it in his pew, before I began to speak. Capt. David Pettingill, said, that the preach ought to have liberty to give his mind publicly, and motioned that all who were in favor of it would rise from their seats. The greater part arose, and he told me the way was clear to proceed.

My text was this, 2 Cor. iv. 2, "But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, /294/ not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth, commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God." It was generally thought that Mr. Whitmore dreaded the reasons which would be brought for rejecting universalism as false doctrine. The meeting ended in peace, and the people retired, but Mr. W. was greatly mortified and displeased.

Having passed through this scene, I about determined soon to desist from preaching, being at loss what to preach to be consistent. Having lost all my system, my mind was prepared to search the scriptures, but being engaged in worldly business, had but little time to read, and therefore concluded as the state of things then were, to preach on Sundays, and attend to my business through the week as other men do. In this situation I remained for several weeks. On a certain day, being alone, and meditating on my situation, there came a voice as from heaven, to my understanding, which said, "Give an account of they stewardship; for thou mayest be no longer steward." This came with power to my heart, and I said, if this takes place, I am forever undone. There was placed before me Christ and the world, and a choice for me; which was to give up all for Christ, or give him up for what there is without Christ. My choice was at once made. I said Christ is all, let me have this, and the rest I willingly renounce. /295/

My conclusion was that entering into the mercantile business was wrong, as my work was something else; and wished myself free. I soon became greatly distressed on account of leaving the work of preaching so much as I had, and knew not how to get free from my present entanglement. In January, 1802, I was brought almost into a state of despair; my evidence of being ever converted to God was almost wholly gone; I had no enjoyment in the things of the world, nor in religion. I considered myself the most wretched being on earth, forsaken of God and man, and on the borders of despair.

About this time, peace took place between France and England. This had a great effect on imported goods. In a short time our goods would not sell in the country for what we gave for them in Boston. This with my other trouble, almost unfitted me for any kind of business for some time. Our capital was small, and we owed between four and five thousand dollars, and but a small part of the capital belonged to me. The other two men said, if I would give up what I had, give them a deed of my house there, to make our creditors safe, they would take the whole upon themselves, clear me from all the debts, and give me an obligation, that if they got through with the debts, with what stock they had, and debts due, they would give me back a deed of the house.

This proposal I took up with, having nothing left then but an horse and chaise, and my /296/ furniture; and owing my private debts not far form six hundred dollars. This was a distressing time to me and my family. My wife remained unmoved through the whole, believing we should be provided for, thought we had in one year fallen from affluence to poverty, from honor to contempt. One of the company told his brother-in-law, whom I owed, that if he wished, he could get my horse and chaise, (as I was told,) and that was all he could get. These I agreed to give up after carrying my family to my father-in-law, at Newmarket.

In the month of March, 1802, my distress of mind abated, and I felt some hope in God, that I should yet praise him; and concluded that my disobedience was the cause of so much outward and inward trouble. In April, I carried my family to Newmarket, and my father-in-law was both able and willing to keep them, till I could find an home for them. My health was greatly impaired, by reason of the trouble which came on me.

My flesh had wasted away, and many concluded my days would soon be numbered. My horse and carriage was at that time given up to the man I owed, and what that did not pay, he never drove me to pay. I had at that time, forty-five dollars, which was all I had on earth, and saw no way to pay what was honestly due to others. /297/

Soon after my arrival at Newmarket, Deacon Josiah Convers, and Abel Winn, from Woburn, came to see me. The latter I owed fifty dollars. My father-in-law signed the note with me, and I paid it at that time. I owed a man in Woburn about fourteen dollars, which I wished Deacon Convers to pay. He would not, unless I would give him a bill of sale of all my furniture at Woburn, and he give me his word that he would give it up when I paid the debt. The debt I paid, but he has not to this day given me up the bill of sale; and there the furniture remains, for ought I know.

In the spring of 1802, I walked on foot, and preached where I was requested, though much cast down, and but little courage to do any kind of business. In this time it was my constant prayer that the Lord would so order it, that I might have a place on earth, where my family could be at home, while I was travelling to preach the gospel. After I had travelled on foot awhile, Broadstreet Gilman, of Newmarket, gave me the use of an horse for several months.

In June. the baptist brethren in Epping, at their own expence brought my furniture from Salisbury; bought and gave me a cow, as a present. In June we went there to live, and were well provided for through the summer.

There was but one of my creditors who threatened to distress me; his wrath I appeased by sending him twenty-five dollars out /298/ of my forty-five; and my watch for security six months, telling him if that was not enough, he might take my cloak also. My watch stood bound for me six months, at which time I paid him all and he returned the watch.

For many years my mind had been exercised upon the situation of professors of religion, and particularly upon the different denominations who considered themselves christians. When in my twenty-fourth year, I believed there would be a people bearing a name different from all the denominations then in this country; but what they would be called, I then could not tell. In the spring of 1802, having rejected the doctrine of Calvin and universalism, to search the scriptures to find truth, I found the name which the followers of Christ ought to bear; which was CHRISTIANS. Acts xi. 26. My mind being fixed upon this as the right name, to the exclusion of all the popular names in the world, in the month of May, at a man's house in Epping, N. H. by the name of Lawrence, where I held a meeting, and spake upon the text, Acts xi. 26. I ventured for the first time, softly to tell the people, that the name CHRISTIAN was enough for the followers of Christ, without the addition of the word baptist, methodist, &c. It was in this meeting that I first, in a gentle manner, spake against the catechism, as an invention of men. All this was done in much trembling, on account of what might follow. /299/

In the forepart of this year, two men in Portsmouth, N. H. George Osborne and Daniel Mason, who were baptists, obtained leave of the selectmen to have baptist preachers attend a meeting in the north school-house, every other Wednesday evening. Having obtained the school-house, they applied to Elder Henry Pottle of Stratham, to preach with them, and to invite other preachers to visit the town and preach, as this was the first open door the baptists ever had to preach in that town.

At the time he received this invitation, I was in Stratham, and he requested me to go with him. We appointed a time to go, which was two weeks from that day. At the day appointed we went to Portsmouth, and put up with Levi Wiggins, who lived about one mile and an half out of town. Here we left our horses, and after dinner, walked into the town, and went first to see Charles Peirce, a book-seller, who was a baptist. With him we soon became acquainted, as he expected us at that time.

As the meeting was to be in the school-house the next evening, he invited me to preach in the place he had formerly used as a printing-office; which he had turned into a place for holding evening meetings. This first meeting was held Tuesday evening, the second week in July, 1802. The room was quite full of people, and all appeared attentive to hear the stranger.

A meeting was appointed for me the next evening at the north school-house, and as /300/ many people attended as the house would contain. Among the many was Joseph Buckminster, D. D. one of the ministers of the town. The people conducted decently, and at the close retired in peace. By request, I appointed to preach there again in two weeks from that evening. The next day we went to Kittery, to visit Moses Safford, who had spoken some in public.

About that time there was much uneasiness among the young baptist preachers in Newhampshire, on account of some opposition to exhortations and other liberty used at the time of their annual associations. Some of the old ministers had opposed it. Elder Pottle, who preached a free gospel wished for a reformation in this thing. This he mentioned, and wished me to join him in it. He was the first who laid a foundation in my mind for a general separation from the calvinistic baptists. He proposed this to Moses Safford, who agreed to join with him. This matter was proposed to others who fell in with it, and in the course of the summer, we held a meeting at Sandbornton called, "the christian conference." The following preachers were members of the conference: Samuel Shepard; Isaiah Stone; Henry Pottle; Uriah Smith; Eliphalet Merrill; John Crocket; Thomas Paul; Elder Webster; Moses Safford; Samuel Applebee; Elias Smith. The design of these men was understood to be this; to leave behind every thing in name, doctrine, or practice, not found /301/ in the new-testament. Whither they thought at first this would carry them I cannot tell; though I conclude they did not, for when they saw where it would end, the greater part went back, and apologized for their conduct, and remain with the baptists to this day. I was confident at first, that if we attended to our proposition, it would end in a final separation from the baptist denomination. So it proved in the end.

The conference in Sandbornton I attended, and the meeting at Portsmouth, at the time appointed. What was said of the other meeting caused more to attend than the house would hold. The next evening a meeting was appointed in Mr. Peirce's room. This was full, and the yard, as far as the people could hear. The meeting at Portsmouth, every other Wednesday evening, I attended till September. The preaching differed so much from reading sermons, that it drew the attention of many, and at every meeting they wished to hear again of this matter; which caused some alarm among the ministers, who were in general settled upon their lees.

In August, I was requested to preach t 5 o'clock on Sunday, in the south meeting-house; and the meeting was appointed. That day I preached at Stratham, and a brother from Portsmouth, (Jeremiah Low,) was at meeting, to go down with me at the time. We were there at the house, but the house was shut, and no signs of a meeting. Brother Low went to his house, and I walked up Market- /302/ street, alone, and went to see Mr. C. Peirce, to know why the meeting was not appointed. At first he was loth to tell me, but at last said that one of the ministers of the town, had been into the country, and returned with the following report, "That Mr. Smith had taken seven hundred dollars from the people at Woburn; that he went to Boston and laid out the money for goods and fled into the country; that the people pursued him, took away the goods, and let him run." &c. I asked Mr. P. if it looked like the truth, to find a thief, or robber, and then let him run at large? He said no. I assured him that this was a false report, and wholly without foundation. Mr. Peirce to be certain, wrote to Dr. Stillman, of Boston, who wrote back, that he never had heard of any such thing; and directed him to write to Deacon Convers, of Woburn. This he did, and the Deacon wrote, that though there were some differences between me and the church, yet they had nothing against my moral character. This, in a few days, upset the clergyman's plan; I tarried that week, and preached in the universalist meeting-house, having obtained consent of the minister, and principal men of the society.

By enquiring it was found, that the report of the clergyman, was reported to him by another clergyman in the country. That man I visited, and asked if he had told Mr. ---------- as he reported. He said he told it as he heard it from the Reverend Mr. --------- /303/ and not as the truth. Here, the story ran out, and died in their hands. Not far from this time, I visited Dr. Buckminster, in company with Mr. Peirce. He asked me if I held to close communion, &c. and soon began upon baptism. Like the men of Laish, he was destitute of weapons. He brought up the old fend-off; into means unto. "Christ (said he) went into the mountain. Do you think there was an hole that he went into?" Sir, it is altogether likely; for Paul says, "They wandered in dens and caves of the earth." Have you been into your garden to-day Mr. Buckminster? Yes, said he. "Is there an hole where you go down?" No, said he. I have been within the enclosure. So, said I, they went into the water, not to the edge of it; but within the enclosure. So we ended the matter.

From what was done by the clergy, and their friends; what was said by the people; I found there was on the clergy side, a spirited opposition to my preaching in the town, while at the same time, a considerable number of respectable people were determined to have me preach as often as I could attend. There were a few real christians, and as few as I ever knew in so large a town. These knew the gospel sound, and welcomed the messengers of peace. The preaching and opposition caused no small stir about that way.

The last meeting I attended in August, my mind was much troubled on account of the /304/ opposition. The man where I put up, had not much courage; and his wife was quite opposed to my preaching there, or being in the house. At this time, I was obliged to go out of his house at 11 o'clock at night, as she would not consent for me to stay through the night.

The man went with me to Jeremiah Low's house; here I tarried in peace till morning. My mind was much troubled, on account of the tumult, so that sleep departed from me. In the night, it was made manifest to me, I believe, by the spirit of truth, that God would work in Portsmouth, and that I should see a glorious reformation, and turning to God among old and young. This I told the brother who slept in the bed with me. He hoped it would be so, but feared I should be disappointed. I had such a sense of the situation of the people, and the ministers who cried peace, when there was no peace, that I could scarce refrain from going through the streets in the night to warm the people to flee from the wrath to come. From that time it was fixed in my mind, that God would pour out his spirit before many months. This took place the next March and April.

The first Sunday in September of that year, by request, I attended a meeting in the north school-house. This by some, was considered almost treason. A considerable number had resolution sufficient to get by the meeting-houses, and those who were going another /305/ way. From this time till December, I preached in Portsmouth half the time.

In the course of the summer of 1802, new and strange things were made manifest to my understanding. For many years I had thought much upon the doctrines and conduct of the state clergy; but the whole was a mystery to me. One day in the month of August, as I say in my hired house, in Epping, meditating upon the opposition the clergy in Portsmouth, and other places made to my preaching the doctrine of the new-testament, a thought passed through my mind, that the clergy in general were settled upon a plan exactly opposite to the new-testament. This led me to compare their doctrine, laws, conduct, manner of preaching, titles, and manner of being supported, with the new-testament; by which I found, they were, as to their plan, what the new-testament calls anti-christ. Here i first began to write. Until that time all my communicatings were with my tongue. Though people had frequently requested me to write, my determination was, never to publish any book, till over thirty years old. I was now thirty-three years and two months old.

With the above subject in mind, I took my pen, and began to compare the apostles and clergy together, in the following manner: /306/

Apostles. "and how shall they preach, except they be sent?" Rom. x. 15.

Clergy. "And how shall they preach, except they be sent to the college?"

Apostles. "Who also hath made us able ministers of the new-testament, not of the letter, but of the spirit; for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life." 2 Cor. iii. 6.

Clergy. "Which (the college) also hath made us popular ministers of morality; not of the spirit, but of the letter; for the spirit giveth life, but the letter killeth."

Apostles. "For I neither receive it of man, and was taught it by man, and not by revelation of Jesus Christ." Gal. i. 12.

Clergy. "For I received it of man, and was taught it by man, and not by the revelation of Jesus Christ."

Apostles. "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us." 2 Cor. iv. 7.

Clergy. "But we have this treasure in our notes, that the excellency without the power, may be of us, and not of God."

Apostles. "Go ye, therefore, and teach all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost; teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen." Matth. xxvii.(sic) 18,19.

Clergy. "Go ye, therefore, into a town where there is no settled minister, and read piety and morality to all who come where /307/ you are; sprinkling their children in the room of circumcision, in the name of the trinity; teaching them that the commands of Christ are not essential; and lo, rich worldly men will be with you as long as you live."

Apostles. "The elders which are among you I exhort, who also am an elder, and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, and also a partaker of the glory that shall be revealed: feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof; not by constraint, but willingly, not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind, neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being ensamples of the flock; and when the chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of glory which fadeth not away." 1 pet. v. 1, 2, 3, 4.

Clergy. "The reverend clergy who are with me I advise, who am also a clergyman, and a D. D. a member of that respectable body, who are numerous, and "who seek honor one of another," and partaker of the benefit of it, feed yourselves upon the church and parish, over which we have settled you for life, and who are obliged to support you, whether they like you or not; taking the command by constraint, for filthy lucre, not of a ready mind, as lords over men's souls, not as ensamples to them, and when commencement day shall appear, you shall receive some honorary title, which shall make you appear very respectable among the reverend clergy."

Apostles. "Then they that gladly received his word, were baptised." Acts 2. 41. /308/

Clergy. "Then they that ignorantly owned the covenant, had their children sprinkled."

Apostles. "And upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it." Matth. xvi. 18.

Clergy. "And upon a platform have we built our churches and the gates of heaven prevail against us."

These with many other places of scripture I wrote in the same manner, and made several remarks on them, which were afterwards published, with the title of "The clergyman's looking-glass, or ancient and modern things contrasted." This was not published till after two others, though written first.

In the same summer, I preached in Northwood upon baptism, from Eph. iv. 5. "One baptism." By request the discourse was printed, and was the first I ever published. In the discourse the seven following things were taken up. 1. That there is but one baptism, which is water baptism. 2. The author of that one baptism. 3. The subjects of it. 4. The mode. 5. The administrator. 6. The name in which it ought to be done. 7. The design of baptism. This book made no small stir among the sectarians.

At the time this book was written, it was not in my power to prepare it for the press. I could not tell where to place the capital letters, nor the points. This Mr. Peirce did, and by seeing him do it. I soon learnt so much as to prepare my books, so that people could /309/ find my meaning, by reading the book after it was printed.

Such my reduced situation at that time as to property, that the only way left to get my book printed was to engage to pay the printers as soon as enough of the books were sold to amount his price for doing them. Mr. Nathaniel Peirce engaged to print it so, and in that way received his demand. That summer I wrote by request of the "Christian conference," articles of faith and church building, which we then thought necessary to keep a church together, in addition to "the perfect law of liberty."

At a meeting of the "Christian conference," held in Stratham, in September of that year, these articles were read publicly, and highly approved of by the elders present. Dr. Samuel Shepard was appointed with me to examine and prepare them for the press. Our address came out in the pamphlet, with both our names as a committee, in which we declared them orthodox. This was a bold and important step at that time, for by these articles we condemned all others. The next step was to disown these, and hear Christ in all things.

In October, after this meeting, my friends in Portsmouth, obtained of the selectmen, a place over the market, called "JEFFERSON-HALL," to hold meetings in every Sunday, but not in the evening. It was large and convenient place, and would contain not far from one thousand people. The people /310/ made seats, a temporary pulpit, and in a short time it was ready to meet in. This was considered a great favor, to have so good a place. Soon after this, the people proposed bringing my family into Portsmouth, and they agreed to support them if they came. I was at that time considered a baptist, as nothing had been done publicly to lead the people to think otherwise. Some stated that I had no recommendations from Woburn, this was true, and they had never brought any thing against me, and the baptist deacon had declared in writing that my character stood far with them.

In November, the people requested me to preach in "Jefferson-Hall," on the day of the annual state thanks giving-day, as it was called. In the afternoon I spake upon the image of gold, silver, brass, iron and clay, and the stone which brake it in pieces, recorded in the second chapter of the book of Daniel. The compound image I considered the Babylonian, Persian, Grecian, and Roman kingdoms. The STONE, the kingdom of the most high God, which will finally break all the others, and grind them to powder, so that the earth will finally be cleared of them, and the kingdom of righteousness fill the whole earth.

This subject led me speak of the cruelties peculiar to monarchies; and of the peculiar excellencies of a "republican government." This was the first time of my making a public declaration of my political principles. /311/

That discourse, some of the principal men in Portsmouth heard, and after meeting requested me to deliver the discourse again in the same place. Accordingly a meeting was appointed in the hall a few evenings after.

There were so many men who wished to hear, that no children were allowed to go in, and but few women attended. The place was filled with men, chiefly republicans. Some of the monarchy men attended; but could not relish what was set before them.

After this, by request, the discourse was written and printed, and has gone through three large editions, and is yet remembered to the pleasure or vexation of many.

On the 12 of December, 1802, my family came into Portsmouth, and I hired of Edward Call, an house in Bridge-street, at sixty dollars per year, to be paid quarterly. This we considered as the hand of God, who had thus provided us an house, though but a few months before we had not where to lay our heads, only as kind friends took us in. We had but little furniture, having left so much in different places, and were in other respects very poor. the thought of so much rent frequently troubled me, but the Lord always provided for us, and what the people collected for six months, was sufficient to support us, and I laid up besides, one hundred dollars, /312/ which was designed for those who had demands against me.

Fourteen days after my removal to Portsmouth, the great fire broke out, which burnt the principal part of the town. This was a distressing day to many. Towards day of Dec. 26, I saw the woman fleeing from the house she had the summer before refused me a lodging in for one night. The house was entirely consumed, with much property it contained. The fire burnt the hall where we held our meetings; this at first greatly damped our spirits, as we could not tell where to meet. Through the months of January and February, we held our meetings in the north school-house.

From December to March, the brethren, five in number, held a meeting every Saturday evening, to examine our articles, that we might be prepared to form ourselves into a church according to the new-testament, and to be called christians, without any sectarian name added. So great was my desire to see such a church, that I thought a labor of twenty years would be a pleasure, if in the end I I (sic) might see twenty united walking according to the new-testament. In the time of my preaching, from July to January, a few had professed to be converted to God. January 2d, for the first time, I baptised three, Samuel Woodbury, John E. Palmer, and Sally Loud. As this was a new thing, multitudes attended, and behaved as well as could be expected. /313/

In months of December, January and February, I kept a singing school; first in Mr. Pierce's room, and after it was burnt, in Mrs. Steward's house. This school proved a great blessing to many. It was my constant practice to pray with my scholars at the close of the school; and generally to tell them of the importance of a part in Christ, that they might know how to sing the song of Moses and the Lamb. God blessed the exhortations and prayers, to the awakening of the greater part of the school. The latter part of the time the minds of many in the school were so weighed down with a sense of their undone situation, that they would set and weep, without sounding one note. Some of them told me they could never attend the school again, until they found peace in their minds. The last evening we attended, there was such a weeping and sobing among the young men and young women, that they could not sing; they all wept, and I wept with them. At eight o'clock, we all left the school and went where a number had gathered to hold a prayer meeting.

From this time, which was about the last of February, 1803, the good work increased gloriously among old and young. By the first of March, our Saturday evening meeting consisted of about ten. In a few days several more were baptised.

When our number was some short of twenty, we agreed to consider ourselves a church of Christ, owning him as our only Master, /314/ Lord, and Lawgiver, and we agreed to consider ourselves christians, without the addition of any unscriptural name. One evening we agreed to write to the baptist churches in Brentwood, Madbury, Berwick, and some other towns, to send their elders and chosen brethren to meet with us the third Wednesday in March, to see if they could give us fellowship as a church of Christ, according to the new-testament.

They came, and proposed to form a council, in order to constitute us a church according to the order of the baptists. I told Dr. Shepard there was no need of that; for we were already a church, whether they acknowledged us so or not. They all agreed to consider us a church of Christ in fellowship with them. They thought we were baptists, though we were called by another name. The ministers and brethren had a good meeting with us, and rejoiced in the work of the Lord. Our number that day was twenty-two, and an happier company, I believe, were never seen on earth since the days of the apostles.

The last of March, we obtained leaved to hold our meetings in the court-house. This was a large and convenient place. The first Sunday in April, we had our first communion. The lawyers, seats were just enough to contain the members, who joined together to shew forth the Lord's death, in that command. As this was our first communion, many came to see and hear some new thing. This to me and many others was an heavenly /315/ place in Christ Jesus. Many sat around weeping, while considering themselves as having neither part nor lot in this matter.

About this time, the enemies of the cross began to be alarmed and enraged. On Sunday evenings, there was some noise and disturbance around the house, and in the lower part. Several made a ridicule of baptism; and at the time of baptising made considerable disturbance.

Sometime in April, on Sunday morning, I felt a strange operation on my mind, which was unaccountable to me. My mind was uncommonly solemn before the forenoon meeting began. The most I could tell you was, that there was a great concern on my mind for those who were without hope, and without God in the world. In this situation I went to the court-house at the usual hour. A large number of people had collected, and appeared very solemn. After setting awhile on the judges seat, the situation of the people came on my mind, so that I could say with the prophet, "I am pressed as a cart with sheaves." At first I wept, then sobed, and at last cried aloud, being unable to refrain. I remained in that situation about half an hour; and at the same time almost the whole assembly, old and young, were in tears; and some cried out, being unable to conceal their distress. As soon as my mind was enough composed to speak, I told the people their dangerous situation was the cause of my trouble; and spake to them about half an /316/ hour from these words: "They that are whole need not the Physician; but they that are sick." I have ever believed that this operation was by the spirit of God; for more than fifty, whose minds were taken hold of by the truth of God that day, were afterwards brought to rejoice in the truth; and they declared that their attention was first arrested that forenoon.

From this time the work went on gloriously, so that in about one year, the church consisted of about one hundred and fifty members. In this month, or the forepart of May, Mr. Baldwin came to see us, and preached in the court-house, and in Mr. Walton's meeting-house, to the general satisfaction of those who heard him. After his return, he told his brethren in Boston they must lay aside their prejudices against me, as God was remarkably blessing my labors in the conversion of sinners from the errors of their ways. Such was the attention of the people to hear the word, that meetings were held every evening in the week, for some considerable time.

As there was much singing and prayer, preaching and exhortations in the court-house, which stood but a few feet from Mr. Buckminster's meeting-house, some complained that our meeting disturbed theirs. And this was true, for so it had done from the first day of my preaching in the town. This stirred up a few to purchase a lot on which stood a house twenty-five feet wide, and about forty-five feet long. This they soon /317/ turned into a convenient place for meetings; by making a plain pulpit, pews, and a small gallery. The house would contain several hundreds. This raised the enmity of many against me, and the people who met there, as they were in doubt what it would grow to. Our meeting-house was stoned many times when full of people. The windows were frequently broken; and three whole windows were once carried off in one night. At one time they threw a vial of assafaetida into the aisle, which broke as it fell upon the floor. The opposers fired guns around the house, made hidious noises, beat drums, played on fiddles and fifes, blew horns and whistles; fastened our door when the house was full of people; and came with a mob to take me out of the pulpit when preaching. I was often disturbed while baptising; and once a man undertook to baptise another to shew his contempt of baptism.

For a long time I was a spectacle to those characters, and an object of ridicule while passing the streets. Some of every class, from children to men of grey hairs treated me with contempt, while passing peaceably along. I often received abusive language from people in the streets, and from the windows of houses, stores and work-shops; but none of these things moved me from testifying to them that their works were evil, and that they were under the influence of blind guides.

Awful judgments were sent on several of those who opposed me and the work of God. /318/ Several were taken out of the world in a sudden and awful manner. Some afterwards acknowledged their wickedness and found forgiveness.

In the winter and spring, I wrote and published in the Newhampshire Gazette, what was afterwards published in a pamphlet, entitled, "The history of anti-christ." This sorely grieved the friends of law religion, and those who were attached to an anti-republican government. This was like fuel, which increased a fire already kindled; as by this an attack was made upon their religion and politics; and it was not long before the first book I had written was published, entitled: "The clergyman's looking-glass, or ancient and modern things contrasted." This by many was considered almost blasphemy. After it was written, I read the manuscript to Dr. Sheparrd (sic), who highly approved of it; but afterwards he was afraid it might bare too hard upon us also. Elder William Batcheldor also approved of it, and proposed a profitable correction in one place, which was published as he proposed. All these things, and preaching contrary to the popular doctrines of the day; exposing the fashionable prayer books published by the clergy in Portsmouth and around, led many to say, as of Lot, "This one fellow came in to sojourn among us, and he must needs be judge." This was a trying day, though not a hair of my head ever fell to the ground through the malice of my enemies. /319/

About this time the people in Salisbury called in a very unpleasant manner for the money they had given me in the house purchased some years before. According to what was told me, they made it a matter of speculation. I was told that they agreed to give a lawyer one half of what he could get of me, as they knew it was not possible to make a lawful demand of a present made me, which was secured by the law of the state.

They appointed a man of violence to attend to the business, by the name of ------ ------. It was said that he told the lawyer to make short work of it. Of course, I was complimented by Mr. Gerrish with a special writ, and one of three things must be done; give the money; get bonds for my appearance at court, or go to prison. I told the officer that I would go and live with him. He conducted with propriety, and advised me not to go to prison, as I had friends who would be bound for my appearance in court. This advice I accepted, and though I did not owe these people in Salisbury any thing, yet having once received their property, and they wishing their ----- gift back again, my determination was to return it if possible, because I coveted no man's silver, gold, apparel, house or land.

Before the time for my appearance at court, by some means, which I cannot now tell, I had two hundred dollars ready for them, which was what they demanded. One hundred I had saved the winter before, to /320/ pay what was justly due to others. The other hundred, I believe my friends in Portsmouth collected. Two brethren, EDWARD CALL, and JOHN MARBLE, went to Salisbury, and carried the money. I gave them particular orders to give them all they demanded. They took, if my memory serves, ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-NINE DOLLARS from a poor man to gratify their avarice, or to feed their revenge. When the two brethren returned, they said, they should have brought back the money, if I had not directed them to leave it, as there was no law which could have taken the money from me for what they had given a deed of; by which it was secured to me, my heirs, and assigns forever.

This was the most ungenerous and cruel treatment I had then ever received from any set of men whatever. This was not the doings of all who gave the house and land. Before they took the money from me I was very poor, and this distressed me one hundred and forty-nine dollars more, or about that sum. Their conduct was so cruel and unfeeling, that I shall not mention one of their names, but record the deed, without preserving their names in my record, which might hereafter be brought up as a reproach to their children, if not to their children's children.

Notwithstanding much pains was taken to make people in Portsmouth believe my character was low in Salisbury, these two brethren were able to contradict all these evil reports; /321/ and they declared that the greatest difficulty there, was, that the people could not persuade me to make my abode with them.

In June, 1803, about the time of this difficulty, Elder Abner Jones, from Vermont, came to visit me, and was the first free man I had ever seen. He had gone beyond me in several parts of doctrine; particularly as it respects the true light, that lighteth every man that cometh into the world. Before he came to Portsmouth, I had not learnt that God gave light to all men; but when he declared it, and shewed that the scriptures declared the same, my mind was open to receive the declaration. Before he came, I considered myself almost alone in the world; though the baptists thought I belonged to their faith and order. I was with them in body, having never separated from them in body, having never separated from them by any public declaration; and was then a member of what was called the Christian conference. My mind was out, and for about one year it was my determination, as soon as things were ripe, to declare myself free, and separate from the baptist denomination, and all other sectarians on earth.

Elder Jones took hold with me in the good work, and his preaching, praying, exhortations, and singing, was a great blessing to many. He was received among the free-will baptists, and ordained by them; though he told them from the first, he was not a free-will baptist, but a christian. His coming greatly encouraged me to go on in the /322/ cause of freedom. He attended several of the Christian conferences, but did not join it, till some time after, on account of the articles which we had drawn up; these he said were needless and hurtful. These articles the church at Portsmouth soon laid aside, and at Hopkinton, N. H. in the year 1805, the conference agreed they were useless, and that the new-testament was the only and all-sufficient rule for christians.

In the course of this summer, Elder Jones went with me to attend a meeting at the house of capt. Jeremiah Paul, in Kennebunk, thirty miles from Portsmouth. Elder William Bactheldor, of Berwick, attended with us, and manifested something which looked like a desire after liberty; though he afterwards went back, and became an hireling at Haverhill, Mass. where he remains to this day. Our meetings at that time were blest to many who heard, believed, and obeyed the gospel.

At the close of the first meeting in the afternoon, a respectable man, about fifty years old, came to me, before many were gone out, and said he wished to converse with me upon some points of doctrine, as he termed them. His request I readily complied with. He stated, that there were several doctrinal points which he wished to know if I held or believed. The following is as near as I now recollect: "Do you hold to original sin?" No sir, said, I because there is no such sin mentioned in the bible. "Do you hold to the fall of man?" No sire, because it is not /323/ mentioned in the bible; but is the doctrine of the catechism. "Do you hold to the covenant of grace?" No sir, for there is no such covenant mentioned in the bible. "Do you believe in the trinity?" No sir, for the word is not in the bible, nor the doctrine. The whole bible declares, "One God," and his person one. "Do you believe that God has foreordained whatsoever comes to pass?" No sir, for there is but one thing said to be foreordained in the bible, which is Jesus Christ; and if God has foreordained whatsoever comes to pass, he is worse than the devil, who has more disposition than power; for if God foreordains whatsoever comes to pass, he must be the cause of all the wickedness he has forbidden in the scriptures, and which he declares he will punish the wicked for committing. Can you, sir, prove that such doctrines are in the bible? Here, he paused, and said but little. After this conversation, he went out of the house. A man at the door, asked him how he succeeded. He paused awhile, and then said: "I was never so perplexed in conversing before; but I will tell you, it is very hard to give up so much all at once." Soon after this, he gave up so much of the doctrines of men, all at once, or gradually, and was determined to be a free man, hearing Christ in all things.

After our return from Kennebunk, Elder Jones preached a short time in Portsmouth. While there, several of the baptist brethren, hearing of the great revival of religion in /324/ Portsmouth, came to visit us. Among others was Asa Niles, who kept a stable in Boston. For the first time, he delivered an exhortation in our meeting-house. After this he though himself called to preach, and was ordained by the baptists.

Several who came from Boston, requested Elder Jones to go and preach with them. He went, but the two baptist ministers were not hearty in receiving him, as he was considered a free-willer. Several who heard him in Portsmouth were so urgent for his preaching in the meeting-houses, that the ministers were afraid to deny their request. His preaching called the attention of many to the things which belonged to their peace, and in a few months, a glorious reformation took place, and many were converted to the Lord. The same summer I went to Boston, and though there were some differences between me and the church at Woburn, the two baptist ministers concluded, as the church at Woburn had brought nothing against me, they could with propriety ask me to preach in their meeting-houses.

Whenever a meeting was appointed for me, the houses would be full. Several times when I came, Dr. Stillman would have a new objection to my preaching in his pulpit. These objections I removed for some time, till at last he set up his will and determined I should preach there no more; as I did not believe in calvinism. /325/

At the time Elder Jones went to Boston, my mind was much exercised upon the conduct of the baptists in different parts of the country, and especially the baptist ministers in Boston. The eighteenth of July, 1803, while Elder Jones was there, I was meditating upon what is said in 1 Pet. iv. 17, "For the times is come that judgment must begin at the house of God." My conclusion was, that judgment meant punishment inflicted on professors of religion for leaving their first love, and conforming to the world in their manner of worship and appearance. These thoughts I communicated in a letter to a brother in Boston, dated Portsmouth, July 18, 1803. In the letter it was stated, that sometimes the ministers of Christ would so conform to the world, as to wear anti-christian titles, surplices, bands; use notes, be supported by law, and paid for praying. After mentioning this, was the following: "I leave it with you to judge, whether this is not in a great measure, the case with the baptist churches and ministers in Massachusetts, and particularly in Boston." This, and some other things, which exactly applied to the baptist ministers in Boston, greatly disturbed Mr. Baldwin, when he saw and read my letter, as he had occasion to think himself not only described, but meant in the letter.

My letter was written in sincerity, and not through ill will to any. Though it was /326/ not directed to Mr. Baldwin, yet he wrote an answer to is, dated Boston, Aug. 2, 1803. He ridiculed me, and my letter. I had mentioned God's four sore judgments, recorded in Ezekiel; sword, famine, pestilence and wild beasts, without any design of applying them to any, to shew the meaning of the word judgment. When he wrote upon that he said, "As to the wild beasts, what you mean by them, I must leave for you to explain, for I am a little at a loss from your explanation. I conclude upon the whole, they don't wear surplices." My answer to him was this, "I have no doubt but some, whom Paul calls evil beasts have worn surplices, but I am far from thinking you such a one. I believe you to be a child of God, and a minister whom Jesus Christ has called and owned, but I believe you are gone into Babylon, and that they have altered your name, as Nebuchadnezzar did Daniel's, calling him Belteshazzar." The clergyman's looking-glass displeased him; and to render me, and the book contemptible, he wrote the following in his letter, "Were I skilled in making looking-glasses, I would try to give a glimpse of yourself in this passage." He then proceeded to give me a glimpse in the following words: "Is not this the language held up in the preceding paragraph? O poor Boston, how I pity thee; scorched under the divine judgments, and yet thou knowest it not! Not a drop of spiritual rain falls on thee, I mean, particularly the baptist churches, and the /327/ cause is, their ministers are conformed to the world! All this will be proved to demonstration, if you will look to Portsmouth, and see how it rains where I preach, who am, in all respects, free from conformity to the world."

All this ridicule and contempt I bore with patience, knowing no such thing had ever entered my mind, when the letter was written.

In the month of September, 1803, about two months after my letter was written, the Warren association was held at Randolph, near Boston. This I attended, though convinced that the association of churches was anti-christian. The year before, the association had decided: "That God had foreordained whatsoever comes to pass, and published the same in their minutes.

This decision made no small stir; and some of the churches wrote to the association, desiring an explanation of their decision. The association took up the subject, and appointed a committee to draw up something to satisfy the churches. Elders John Peak, William Batcheldor, and some others, were chosen to write. When they retired, they invited me to go with them to their chamber. One of the committee opened the case, and each one spoke his mind upon the subject. when all had gone through, Mr. Peak wished me to give my mind upon the subject, which I did, by relating the following circumstance: /328/

"A nobleman in England once built a palace, and when it was done, one large stone was left near the corner of the building. There it remained for some time, to the injury of those who came around the corner of his palace. Some of his friends complained of the stone, which they had fallen over. He, to prevent this difficulty, ordered a post set by the side of it. This did not prevent people from falling on it in the night. He then hung a lamp by it at night, but some while looking at the lamp, would fall over the stone. All this increased the complaints of his friends. At last one man told him the best thing would be to remove the lamp and post, and then carry away the stone, which would prevent any difficulty from the stone. This he did, and no more injury was done by the stone."

The application was easy; remove the statement, "that God has foreordained whatsoever comes to pass," and here the dispute will end. The assembly of divines left the stone. Last year the association set up the post; this year you are to hang the lamp; but all this will not prevent people from stumbling at that stumbling stone. They were not at all please with my similitude, and here I left them to fix up their lamp.

In the evening after the association, I attended a meeting in Mr. Baldwin's meeting-house, and spake upon Pslam (sic) xlv. 4, "Thine /329/ arrows are sharp in the heart of the kings enemies, whereby the people fall under thee."

The house was very full of people, and the Lord stood by me, and gave testimony to the word of his grace. More than fifty were afterwards converted to God, who first felt the king's arrows sharp in their hearts that evening.

In November, 1803, I preached for the first time in Bradford, Mass. at the house of John Marble, who had been at Portsmouth, and was afterwards baptised, and received a member there. The clergyman of the town, Mr. Allen, attended, but took no part with me, until supper time. Several people attended the meeting from Haverhill, about two miles distance. Among others, was Silas Plumer, and his son Frederick. At this meeting, his attention was arrested; he was afterwards converted, baptised, and became a preacher of the everlasting gospel. This meeting was blest to many; and not long after, a glorious reformation took place there, and in Haverhill, on the other side of the Merrimack river.

Not far from this time, one man in Portsmouth, who had been friendly to me, and zealous for my coming there, became displeased, as things did not turn as he had calculated. One day he sent a line, requesting me to meet him at his house at such an hour. We met accordingly; he took me into the third loft, and told me to leave the town. I told him my belief was that the Lord had /330/ called me to preach the gospel in Portsmouth; that my work was not done; and that I should not go for him, nor all the devils in hell, nor opposers on earth. He stated that he thought as he was the principal means of my coming, he had a right to send me away. As he was a man given to change, I left him, and never meddled much with him afterwards.

At this time, my situation was critical indeed, to all human appearance. My enemies in Portsmouth, were numerous and violent; my friends were few, and the greater part young people. In Boston the baptists were displeased at my writings, and evil reports were in general circulation. My encouragement to persevere, was founded on the goodness of the cause, in which I had engaged. I was left almost alone in Portsmouth, as Elder Jones was wholly employed in preaching at Boston, though the ministers did not like his preaching.

The winter following the association at Randolph, was the most terrible time I had ever known, as it respected opposition from the baptist ministers in Boston, and others influenced by them. As this opposition laid a foundation for my final separation from the baptists, I here give the account from my journal of February, 1804, which was written down the days on which the things were done, recorded there.

Monday Feb. 2, 1804, set out from Portsmouth for Bosotn (sic). Tarried with Deacon /331/ Smiley, of Haverhill. Tuesday 3d, rode to Woburn; Elder Pottle preached, and baptised eight persons. I spake in the evening from Gen. xlv. 4, "I am Joseph your brother." Wednesday, Feb. 4, rode to Boston; heard a clergyman preach in Mr. Baldwin's meeting-house. Thursday, Feb. 5, preached in the evening at Mr. Baldwin's meeting-house, from Psalm cx. 3, "Thy people shall be willing in the day of thy power." Took up three particulars: 1. The day of Christ's power. 2. His people. 3. How they are willing. The discourse was not wholly pleasing to the calvinists, who believe Christ's enemies are his people. mr. Baldwin prayed that God would bless the truth delivered, but I learnt afterwards that he did not believe all was truth he heard delivered.

Friday, Feb. 6. Preached in the vestry, from Prov. viii. 20, 21. Mr. Baldwin attended, and made the concluding prayer. Saturday evening, preached in the vestry, from Rev. i. 5,6.

Sunday morning, Feb. 8. Preached at the vestry, at sun-rise, from 2 Sam. xxiii. 4. "And he shall be as the light of the morning." After breakfast, rode to Malden, four miles, preached twice; returned to Boston, and preached the fourth time in Mr. Baldwin's meeting-house, from John xvi. 8, "And when he is come, he shall reprove the world of sin, or righteousness, and of judgment." It was thought that not far from three thousand people attended. Some, who believed /332/ in the light of nature, and a good conscience in bad men, were not a little disturbed, to see their tradition upset by the scriptures of truth.

Monday, Feb. 9. Preached in the evening at the vestry. Tuesday, Feb. 10, preached in the evening at the same place. Wednesday, Feb. 11. After Deacon Wild had taken much pains to have me preach in Dr. Stillman's meeting-house, he consented and I went to see him. He said, "I hope you will not preach any thing to make a division." My reply was, the only knowing division I shall make, will be between truth and error; and if there is any division on my account, my opposers will make it; but I will not make any. I told him that some of his church were so opposed to me, that they would not give me their hand. I read him twelve pages of a discourse written upon being born again; this he approved of, and said he believed it would do good.

Thursday, Feb. 12. This day, I went to Roxbury, about three miles from Boston, to preach in the evening. As soon as it was dark, many people came together; and when the meeting began, the lewd fellows began to disturb. I spake upon Acts xx. 24, "But none of these things move me." They threw half coppers at me; talked, groaned, prayed, and made much disturbance. After going through, I rode into Boston, with Mr. Edward Call, of Portsmouth, who conducted with wisdom and fortitude through the whole. /333/ The mob followed us to the court-house, and being unable to overtake us, returned, and we arrived safe, and thankful that we escaped out of their hands.

Friday, Feb. 13. Preached in the vestry. Saturday, 14, preached in the vestry, from 1 Thes. ii. 4, 5, 6. Spake upon the nature of the gospel; the extent of the proclamation, which was to every creature; the sinner's condemnation in disobeying the gospel; that evening, I told the people, that none were the elect, but saints. this had begun a fire before, which about this time appeared first among the ministers, and then among those who did not see for themselves.

Sunday, Feb. 15. Preached in the vestry, at sun-rise; went to Malden, and heard Elder Jones preach, from Rev. v. 4. At noon Elder Pottle baptised four. I spake in the afternoon, from 1 John ii. 28. This day Mr. Baldwin, in the forenoon, delivered a discourse upon Rom. viii. 28 in which he described calvinistic election.

In the evening I preached at Henry Wendall's house, near Dr. Stillman's meeting-house. This was the first separate meeting we ever had in Boston, and was a little like the declaration of independence once made by the Americans. This greatly enraged the meeting-house people; as several of their church members attended the meeting.

Monday, Feb. 16. This day there was no small stir about the meeting and the new doctrine. The cry in Boston was, great is /334/ calvinism of Boston! In the afternoon, Deacon Wild, a man of candor, and who had not consented with the council, came and asked me to preach my belief in full that evening, upon the gospel, decrees, election, &c. I went to the vestry that evening, to preach according to request. Mr. Baldwin and Mr. Bowles, who preached with the Dr. attended, that they might judge of my orthodoxy, or heterodoxy. My text was this: Acts xvii. 19, 20. "And they took him and brought him to Areopagus, saying, may we know what this new doctrine thou speakest is? For thou bringest certain strange things to our ears, we would know therefore what these things mean."

I endeavored to prove every particular from plain declarations recorded in the bible. After I had done, Mr. Baldwin rose in opposition to what I said. He acknowledged the sinner's condemnation turned where I had said it did. He told the people a man might throw a number of scriptures together, and make out any thing he pleased, and, said he, "this is the way we make out our different systems." This last sentence was altogether against himself. One of Dr. Stillman's church attempted to stop him from opposing what he believed was the truth; but he went through, and I remained in silence, knowing he could not overthrow what had been delivered, unless he could overthrow the truth contained in the scriptures. After this, Deacon Wild asked each of them to pray; but they were /335/ both so far from the spirit of prayer, that they refused. Many thought Mr. Baldwin was angry and I believe he thought they had occasion to think so.

tuesday evening, Feb. 17. Preached at Henry Wendall's. Wednesday 18, heard Mr. Baldwin preach from Gal. v. 1. He told the people their salvation depended on the immutable purpose of God; and before he closed, in his exhortation said, "Sinner will you cut off the only limb on which your salvation depends?"

After he had done speaking, Dr. Stillman arose, and with an air of importance, first told the people how happy he was in being so united with his brother Baldwin; though they had been so divided in sentiment, that they once broke up a meeting. Next he undertook to extol calvinism. He told the people the land on which the meeting-house stood, was to remain theirs, so long as there were three calvinists; though there was no such thing mentioned in the deed, which was afterwards proved to his face. He harangued upon sovereign grace; and talked loudly of arminian doctrine; and with a loud voice, said, it was free-will doctrine!

This day, Ebenezer L. Boyd met me and Elder Jones in Union-street, and with an air of self-importance, said, "I forbid you personally, from going into the vestry to preach, and wish you to keep at home;" with many other things equally unchristian. /336/

After this terrible uproar, I tarried in Boston several days, on account of a monthly church meeting which Dr. Stillman's church were to hold on Monday evening, 21st. One man, a member of that church, had joined with the church in Portsmouth; but walking disorderly, the church called him to an account; he then withdrew, an said he was a member of the church in Boston. I told the Doctor how he conducted; and he wished me to desire the church to write to him how the man behaved. The church sent a statement; and that evening the man was present. The man's testimony against me was received, and the testimony of about an hundred and thirty members against the man was rejected. He was considered a man of truth, and I and my brethren false witnesses, until sometime after the same man was obliged in the public paper, to own he had spoken falsely in another matter, and signed his name to the same.

From that evening, the glory departed from the first baptist church in Boston, and has never returned. For many years after, it was rare that they ever had a peaceable church meeting, and they turned each other out of the church, nor did they ever after prosper as before.

Sunday 29th. I preached in the baptist meeting-house in Haverhill, for the last time. On the way from Boston there, I told the stage driver, that Dr. Smith took notes of people for preaching, when they did not pay /337/ him. This he heard of, and was so offended, that he would never let me preach there again. And though before that the house would be full when I preached, afterwards, for awhile, Silas Plumer was the only man I knew of there to receive me into his house.

Tuesday after, I returned home, and wrote in my journal the following: "This is the most singular journey I ever performed; but amidst all my persecution, I have found that the work of righteousness is peace, and the effect of righteousness, quietness, and assurance forever. Though many hard and false things are said of me; in the presence of God I can say, I see no other way to preach and act, without doing wrong; and if any person on earth will prove that my preaching or conduct is contrary to the new-testament, I am willing to turn; but until I am convinced of being wrong, I am determined through Christ strengthening me, to persevere, come life or death. Amen."

The first week in March, 1804, I attended the christian conference in Epping, N. H. As there were many evil reports in circulation respecting me, the conference thought it their duty to contradict them, and give me a writing signed by Dr. Shepard, in behalf of the conference; certifying that my character stood fair, to their certain knowledge. The /338/ following is a copy of the writing, which was afterwards published in the Newhampshire Gazette: Recommendation given by Dr. Shepard, of Brentwood, to Elias Smith, of Portsmouth, March 8, 1804.

This is to certify all christian people whom it may concern, that whereas Elder Elias Smith, preacher of the gospel, has had many scandalous stories, and evil reports spread abroad respecting his personal character: The members of a christian conference, held at Epping, March 8, 1804, consisting of a number of Elders and brethren, think it our duty for the honor of the general cause of truth, and for the support of the said Elias Smith's christian character, to inform all person where he may be called to preach, that we are satisfied from our personal knowledge and good information, that said scandalous reports are not true; but we view him a man of a godly life and conversation.

SAMUEL SHEPARD, in behalf of the conference. Epping, March 8, 1804.

In the Spring of 1804, a church was gathered in Boston, according to the new-testament, composed of members who had formerly belonged to baptist churches, and those converts who had not joined the baptist churches. This was the second church in New-England, called christians. This year Elder Jones went to Nantasket, and preached. A goodly number were converted, and /339/ another church was gathered there the same year, and another in Haverhill and Bradford.

This year the opposition to me ran so high, on account of what the two baptist ministers in Boston said against me, that I wrote Dr. Stillman a letter, dated Boston, May 2, 1804, stating the cruel and unjust manner he had conducted towards me. This highly offended him, as no one had ever brought such a complaint against him before. This was afterwards printed, as he refused to make that satisfaction which I thought was right.

Through all these things, I was considered a baptist, and a member of the Woburn church; and through the church complained of me, yet they had never proved me guilty of unrighteousness. As I was frequently in Boston, people from different parts of the country heard me there, and often requested me to preach where they dwelt. That summer, a man by the name of Job Pierce, from Freetown, forty-five miles from Boston, attended meeting, and afterwards wrote requesting me to visit him and preach in that region. Knowing my circumstances, he wrote for me to come in the stage to Taunton at his expence, and he would meet me there. I appointed to meet him on the 16th of July, 1804; and he on that day sent his horse and carriage; and that evening I preached in the meeting-house at the place called Assonnett. A considerable number of people attended. In that journey, I preached in Middleborough, Freetown, and other places near. He /340/ accompanied me through the whole, and afterwards conveyed me to Taunton, and furnished me with money to go on to Portsmouth in the stage.

That summer, the baptists seemed determined it possible, to crush me, or prevent my preaching at all. The latter part of August, the church at Woburn endeavored to bring certain charges against me, which they said in their letter to me would not admit of positive proof. From all I could gather, Mr. Baldwin wrote the pretended indictment. This he never denied. One of the deacons said to me, "I never saw him write it, and I shall not say any more." They directed me to meet the church the 10th day of September, 1804, and closed with the following words: "Should you either neglect or refuse to come, we shall feel ourselves called upon to proceed against you as a disorderly walker." By order of the church, Joseph W. Beers, church clerk."

This letter I received, Sept. 1, 1804, and concluded the time had come for me to declare myself, not of that order of people; but free from all sectarians on earth. The conduct of Martin Luther, taught me a good lesson. Pope Leo X. told him, if he did not renounce his errors, and return to the church by such a day, he should be excommunicated. The day before this, Luther erected a scaffold in Rome, and in presence of thousands declared, that he then publicly withdrew from the church of Rome, and was no /341/ longer a member of that community. this prevented his ever being excommunicated. My conclusion was to withdraw, this I told them by a letter in which I stated my reasons for withdrawing, in the following words:

"I wish you to understand, that I do not consider myself a member with you, nor have I for about two years. As I was voluntary in joining with you, having fellowship with you, so I let you know by this, that I am as voluntary in withdrawing from you for the want of fellowship. My reasons for withdrawing from you, are these: 1. The unchristian treatment I have received from several of your members. 2. The unchristian treatment I have received from the church. 3. Because I do not believe the doctrines contained in your articles, or confession of faith. 4. Because I do not believe the name you are called by is scriptural; not your holding to the association of churches, which is an anti-christian combination.

These are the principal reasons for my withdrawing from you. I wish you not to give yourselves any further trouble concerning your dealing with me, for I am not a member with you. From henceforth let no man trouble me; for I am determined through the Lord's help, to oppose every thing which I believe is wrong, and to contend for what I believe is right. If you wish to know what denomination I belong to, I tell you, as a professor of religion, I am a christian; as a preacher, a minister of Christ; calling no /342/ man father or mother; holding as abominable in the sight of God, every thing highly esteemed among men; such as calvinism, arminianism, freewillism, universalism, reverend, parsons, chaplains, doctors of divinity, clergy, bands, surplices, notes, creeds, covenants, platforms, with the spirit of slander, which those who hold to these things, are too often in possession of."

After writing this letter, I told some of my friends, it was my determination never to join another sectarian church again; this determination still remains with me. There has not been a moment since, when I wished myself back to that place from whence I came out. And did others know the advantages of being free from the commandments and doctrines of men, thousands would by willing, be free, and enjoy the glorious liberty of the children of God. I never wished to be at liberty to do wrong, but to do right.

The day appointed by the Woburn church for me to meet them, a part of the members voted to withdraw the hand of fellowship from me, because I had withdrawn from them first, and for no other cause, as their committee afterwards acknowledged before three witnesses. That month, the association met in Boston, and there the association were informed by the Woburn letter, that they had withdrawn the hand of fellowship from me, but never gave the reason; this they were ashamed to do. When the minutes were printed, the editor, Mr. Baldwin, if I was /343/ rightly informed, had the following inserted in page 4. "The following note was communicated to the association in the letter from Woburn." "This day, Sept. 10, 1804, voted, to withdraw the hand of fellowship from Elias Smith."

As they gave no reason why they withdrew the hand from me, I thought it a duty to give the public the reasons in a pamphlet that year. The reasons were seven unscriptural things they held which I denied.

1. Their name baptists, which is unscriptural. One man was called a baptist, but no churches.

2. Articles, which are an addition to the perfect law of liberty; these they held and I disowned them.

3. Association of churches, which is contrary to the new-testament, and anti-christian.

4. Holding to the necessity of a college education to be ministers of the gospel. This is contrary to the new-testament.

5. The baptists held to missionary societies, which is nothing more or less than the old Jesuit's plan, invented first by a monk.

6. The baptists hold to councils to ordain ministers, and settle disputes. These are unscriptural.

7. They hold to installing, or re-installing ministers, a practice not once intimated in any part of the bible.

These are the reasons I gave the public, why they withdrew the hand of fellowship from me, and these they have acknowledged /344/ were the reasons, by their long silence of about twelve years.

About the time my seven reasons for leaving the baptists came out, Dr. Shepard had appointed to ordain Eliphalet Merrill of Northwood. They sent for me and others to attend and assist in ordaining him, as Dr. Shepard had not heard of my withdrawing from the baptists. The Doctor, on the way from Brentwood to Northwood, saw the book, and was greatly agitated to find a man had told the world that the baptists, were unscriptural in seven things! He came on to Northwood, and appeared almost distracted. He put up at Increase Batcheldor's with me, the night before the ordination. He talked severely to me, and said I had thrown every thing away, and was drowned in the ocean of christianity; and that according to my plan, the Pope was as good a christian as any body; and that I had turned against my brethren, who had looked upon me as a poor unfortunate brother, and had tried to help me out of difficulty.

He also stated that when i came from Salisbury to Epping, in the year 1802, he expected I should be a colleague, and be under him, and that now he knew not what to do concerning the ordination. All this I bore in silence, meaning it should be the last. The next morning, the Doctor, and those under him, contrived a plan to turn me out of the council, without having it known to me, or any but the caucus. They /345/ held a private council in the barn, before the public council was appointed, and there agreed to shut out all the ministers they had sent for, that they might shut me out. In the public council, according to what was agreed on in the barn, as I was told, they appointed for me to pray first; Elder John Crocket to preach after the prayer; and my brother, Uriah Smith, to pray after the sermon. The ordaining prayer to be made by Dr. Shepard, while he and his deacons laid on their hands. The Doctor was also to give the charge and right hand of fellowship.

All this being agreed on, we went to the meeting-house; and it is easy to judge how awkward we all appeared in the pulpit; having been requested to assist in ordaining an Elder, and when there, looking to see the Doctor performing, as though we were learning how to act at another time. The people stared and wondered! But no one durst ask the meaning of such unheard of conduct.

A clergyman of modern time would be ashamed of such conduct, and would I believe, despise and disown one who should treat one of his brethren in such an hypocritical manner. Notwithstanding the Doctor could not tell me I had left the baptists, nor let me assist in ordaining the Elder, yet after we came out of the house where the council met, he desired me to baptise a man who wished to join his church, as he was too unwell to baptise him, and the man was not /346/ willing to be baptised by any excepting the Doctor or me. This I refused to do, as I knew the Doctor wished me to baptise him, because he was afraid of injuring his health by doing it himself.

There had been no one thing for three years, that sunk my spirits like this. The hypocrisy I discovered, and the cruel spirit I saw among the leaders of the baptists, led me to mourn, to think what that once flourishing people had come to; and what it would grow to in the end. I returned home, thankful to God to find a company of sincere brethren, who considered Christ their all.

Not far from this time, Mr. Buckminster, and Mr. Humphreys of Portsmouth, wrote against me. Their books I answered, and they answered not again. Dr. Osgood wrote a ridiculous piece against baptism, in 1804; this I answered in a book entitled, "The clergyman's looking-glass, No. 4. This the baptists were pleased with, as it described their baptism, and they had not then wholly separated me from their company.

Mr. Baldwin's famous sermon entitled, "The eternal purpose of God the foundation of effectual calling," came out this year. This book I answered in a pamphlet of 36 pages, entitled, "A man in the smoke, and a friend endeavoring to help him out." He never made any public reply to it; for my printer said he was a man of too much sense, either to undertake a second /347/ vindication of his own book, or to attempt an overthrow of what was said against it.

This year, in June, my attention was called to think of the real state of the wicked after the last judgment. Before this time, I had taken for truth the old pagan doctrine of "eternal misery" for the wicked. In June, 1804, being in Mr. Holmes' book-store, in Boston, I asked him if he had any new publications. He handed me "Evan's Sketch." On opening the book my eyes first fixed on the word, "destructionists." I read one page, and concluded, people who held the wicked would be destroyed, were in strange error, as no such thing ever before entered my mind. I bought the book. Often after that the destruction of the wicked would pass through my mind, though I supposed eternal misery was recorded in the bible. In April 1805, I concluded one day to take my bible and concordance, and find eternal misery, and not have my mind any longer troubled about destruction. I examined the words misery, miserable, and miserably; and found there was not one place in the bible, where the word was used to describe the state of man beyond death. Next I looked for the word torment, and found that was limited, and that there was no torment mentioned beyond the day of judgment. I then looked at the words destroy, destruction, death, second death, perish, consumed, perdition, burnt up, end &c. I examined the similitudes used to describe the end of the wicked, such as chaff and /348/ stubble burnt up; dry trees cast into the fire, and tares burnt; the fat of lambs consumed, whirlwinds, a dream, and noise. All these things proved to me that at the last judgment, the wicked would be punished with everlasting destruction, which would be their end.

My mind was settled upon the subject; but concluded to keep my discovery to myself; as the people were almost destracted (sic) with having so many new things; such as that God was one and not three, and that all rules but the bible were useless, and that salvation was free for all.

My first preaching and writing, disturbed the clergy and the wicked; the next disturbed the baptists, and I was about certain, if this was known, it would disturb my brethren with whom I was connected. I kept it back as long as duty would suffer me, and was constrained at last to make it known, or preach no more. It made some stir, but people bore it as well as could be expected. Soon after preaching it; I wrote and published five sermons upon the subject, which have never been answered to this day.

Though the doctrine was then new, yet it has since spread, into almost every part of the United States, and in Vermont it has been the means of bringing many from universalism and deism to Christ for life. In the years of 1804 and 1805, I was constantly employed either in writing, travelling, or preaching; and it now seems almost a miracle, that an individual should endure so much /349/ labor. It was a common thing for me to preach from eight to fifteen times in each week, and to ride from one to two hundred miles. My friends and enemies kept me constantly employed. Many times I wrote till towards day, and commonly slept about six hours out of twenty-four.

there were four churches; these I visited often, and frequently met with much opposition, while endeavoring to obey my master's orders. But the Lord stood by me, so that the gospel was fully known. In this time the reformation continued in Portsmouth, and great numbers were turned to the Lord.

One the 2d day of June this year, an advertisement appeared in the N. H. Gazette, which set almost the whole city in an uproar. The advertisement mentioned a pamphlet for sale, describing in miniature, an episcopalian priest, without any name. The book was printed by John Whitelock. It was supposed I was the author, though I had not seen the book. The printer had his office taken from him by the men who owned it, and soon after he was put in jail by the episcopalian clergyman of Portsmouth.

I was out of town on Monday and came in on Wednesday evening, and had not heard of the tumult, until almost home. In the evening as I went to the meeting-house, a large number of riotous people had gathered around the house, who were very noisy.

Observing the tumult, I thought it best to return home without attending the meeting. /350/ As I went into my house, a friend handed me a letter, which he found in my yard, directed to me. The contents of it was this: That I had insulted the whole town, and that the writer thought the devil would not let me alone, until I had done something to bring me to punishment; which he supposed I had now done by publishing the above named pamphlet. That there was a rod in pickle for me, and that if I did not leave the town, I should have a good hiding. He mentioned that a little tar and feathers well applied, would be of service to me, &c.

It was signed, HOMO.

That evening the people in the meeting-house were some disturbed, by riotous persons around the house. Thursday, June 4, was the most trying day I had ever witnessed. In the forenoon, I went to the barber's shop in Daniel-street; after being shaved, about 11 o'clock, I went down Paved-street to the Printing-Office, in Mr. William Simes' building. A few minutes after, one of the journeymen said, there was a man below who wished to see me. Finding who it was, I thought it prudent not to go down. Soon, another said there were nearly forty men in the store below, and that the office was surrounded to keep me in.

Each one may judge of my feelings at that time. My determination was to stand fir, come what would. Mr. Benjamin Hill, who occupied the store below, brought up an axe and set it within the door, and went down /351/ again. Some of the mob were for going up into the office; but Mr. Hill, as I was informed, stood upon the stairs, and told them it was death for any man to go up without my leave. In this time I sent for the sheriffs and my friends, to come immediately to my relief. After some time, Mr. Hill consented that two men might go into the office, with my consent, if they would give their word to offer me no abuse. This they agreed to, and went up.

Mr. John Melcher, Thomas Treadwell, and Henry Bufford, who were friends to me, went up with them, fearing what they might do. They shewed me the pamphlet, and asked me if I was the author. From what I told them, they appeared satisfied that some other person had written the book.

During this time, some of the mob went into the store of Messrs. H. and B. Penhallow, and enquired for whips, without telling them what they wanted of them. The whips were taken down, and they agreed to call and pay for them if wanted. These two men were much displeased, when they found why they enquired for whips, as they were opposed to such kind of conduct.

Before the mob had dispersed, people were gathering from every part of the town to rescue me from the difficulty the rioters placed me in. After the two men went down, whose names I now conceal, as they have learnt better since, I went out of the office with my two friends, Thomas Treadwell and Henry /352/ Bufford, who walked on each side of me to my house, in the sight of those who threatened to whip me, as soon as I came out of the office.

The tumult did not end here. In the evening, several hundreds gathered around the meeting-house, determined if possible to take me out. At meeting-time my friends came to my house, and surrounded me, and so walked to the meeting-house, and into the pulpit; leaving the aisle full to the door. Here they stood while I was preaching from these words, "Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin." The noise of the mob around the house was so great, that many times my voice could not be distinguished from others. After preaching, my friends moved out of the gallery, and lower part of the house with me, so that as soon as I was in the street, I was surrounded nearly twenty deep, with men and women, who told me not to fear, as they would take the blows first. They drove the mob before them, and so went with me to my house, and watched it through the night; so that no man set on me to hurt at that time.

The evening of the 4th of March before; the evening after Mr. Jefferson took the presidential chair, as chief magistrate of the United States, I delivered a political, religious discourse, which was afterwards printed, and entitled, "The whole world governed by a Jew." This greatly enraged the law religion people, and it was thought had some /353/ effect on the political affairs in the State of Newhampshire; for that day the republican governor, (John Langdon, Esq.) took the command, to the great grief of the tories.

That evening, after I left the house, one of the principal men in the town, came up to the meeting-house, and addressed the mob in an excellent manner. He told them it was a poor sample of their conduct, under a republican government. He ordered them to disperse.

The selectmen conducted with zeal, and honor. They ordered the constables and police officers to attend and prevent disturbance around the house. The members of the church, male and female, were willing to lay down their lives for me. This is but a short account of an affair which will ever remain a blot on the characters of those who were leaders in the tumult.

After the author of the pamphlet was known, he, the printer, and woman, who first told the story about the episcopalian priest, were all prosecuted for defamation of character; though he would never let the matter come to trial. The priest settled it, paid the costs, as I was told, and quit the town and country.

This year, 1805, I commenced the publication of a work entitled, "The christian's magazine, reviewer, and religious intelligencer; containing subjects, historical, doctrinal, experimental, practical and poetical." This was published once in three months for /354/ two years. Reviewing so many of the popular sermons of the day, greatly enraged the clergy and their subjects.

This year I became acquainted with the free-will baptists; and found many good, faithful and spiritual preachers, and brethren among them. But for one man, I should have became a member with them, so far as to be held in fellowship as a fellow-laborer; but that man objected, on account of my believing the wicked would be destroyed. His opposition at that time, lessened his influence among his brethren, and he has been losing ground from that day.

Soon after the tumult in Portsmouth, I visited the people again in Freetown, Longplain, and Newport, R. I. My good friend, Job Pierce, of Freetown, received me heartily, and went with me to Newport, and several other places in that region. In that journey I attended a meeting at a place called the Furnace, in Freetown. the meeting was appointed at nine o'clock in the morning and was attended in an orchard, as no house there would hold the people. That morning, Elder Daniel Hix, who lived at Dartmouth, several miles off, came, and several of his brethren to see and hear what this new doctrine could mean. soon after he entered the house where I was, he thus addressed me: "Well brother Smith, I and my brethren have come several miles this morning to hear you. Some of my brethren, thought on the way, that perhaps you would /355/ not preach if we came; but I told them you could not help preaching; for we were so hungry that the Lord would not let us return without food."

He further added, "I have read several of your books, and from them I concluded you wished to revolutionise the world. At first I thought you would not succeed, but on the whole, I do not know but you will do it; for young people are fond of new things; and the old people will soon drop off; and but few will be left to oppose.

"I will now tell you brother Smith, as I told the methodists; they might make me and my brethren all methodists if they could. They tell me you wish all to be christians; make us all christians if you can, I am willing for that." We had an heavenly meeting together, and not long after that, he and all his brethren concluded to be christians, and followers of the Lamb, leaving their sectarian name behind.

From Freetown I went in company with Job Pierce to Newport, to see Elder Eddy, a baptist preacher, who lived there. We arrived at his house on Saturday afternoon. He received us kindly, and in the evening, we went to see Caleb Green, another baptist preacher. After sitting a few minutes, Mr. Green, in a cold, stiff manner addressed me to this amount: "Mr. Smith, I should be glad to have you preach in my meeting-house, but, there is some difficulty at Woburn, and they have withdrawn from you, and you have /356/ left the baptists, &c. Soon after this, Elder Eddy said, let us return, I am not afraid to let you preach in my meeting-house; I am a free man, and do not belong to any association, and am not afraid of offending any of them. mr. Green's treatment was so mean and unbecoming even a gentleman, that it made me feel very disagreeable, as I knew he had never been very highly esteemed by the Warren association.

We spent the evening in an agreeable manner, with Elder Eddy and his family.

After we retired to sleep, I dreamed, that the place before Elder Eddy's house, called "Washington's square," was appointed to spread a table to feast all the poor of the town; and that after the feast, I was to preach the gospel to them. I dreamed that the table extended from one end of the square to the other; that Elder Eddy stood with me at the west end of the square, which ran down to a point; that a plank was placed across the square just above us, and that near us was a short little fat hog, that could talk; who told me in an insolent manner, that I should not preach to those poor people. After the poor people had done eating; while preparing to preach, the little hog said, he was determined to prevent my preaching to them. I thought in my dream, that I had a sword in my hand; the point of which I put to his neck, and begun to crowd him with it, and pushed him till he fell over the plank, on his back; which set him a kicking at /357/ both ends, while he kept repeating; "you shall not preach, you shall not preach." After this I dreamed of preaching to the poor, without any interruption from the little hog.

When I awoke, the application of my dream was easy. And from that day to this, I have considered Caleb Green, where he can do no more than kick, and say, you shall not preach. He has tried since that to injure me; but has never prevented me from preaching the gospel to the poor, and inviting them to a feast of fat things.

We enjoyed a blessing in the meetings at Newport, and on Monday returned to Freetown. The third day of July, 1805, I preached at a meeting-house in Middleborough, to a very large and solemn assembly. Dr. Hathaway, who had been a deist, attended several meetings before this, and felt his unbelief shaken. At this meeting, he viewed himself undone without a Saviour. The next morning, I went to his house, and found him walking in his parlor, and saying, "I am undone."

that day he sat out to visit a sick person in Berkley, and on the plain, was so weighed down with a sense of his situation, that he stopped his horse, kneeled down by the wall in the road, and prayed the Lord to have mercy on him. He found peace in his mind, visited the sick, administered medicine, recommended Christ, prayed with the sick person and returned home an happy man. He was soon after baptised, and to /358/ this day he has walked in newness of life, rejoicing in hope of blest immortality.