As soon as my health was restored, I went to East-Hartford, in order to begin my school at the time agreed on, and found myself, at the time appointed, surrounded with an agreeable number of children, from six to sixteen years old, who had come to be instructed in reading, writing, &c.

The first week passed away without any thing to interrupt, till Saturday about twelve o'clock, when a circumstance occurred, which came near causing a breach between me and one of the principal men in the district. This man was an episcopalian, and sent two children, a son and daughter. On Saturday, about noon, it was and now is generally the custom to teach the children what is called the catechism, composed by so many divines, at Westminster. These children on that day, brought the church prayer-book, which contained the episcopalian catechism. When I called on them to repeat the other catechism, one of them said, they did not say that, but had one of their own, and handed me the prayer-book open, where their catechism began.

This was a new thing to me, as at that time I did not know there was another on earth. In reading it over, I came to the following /120/ questions and answers: "Question. "What is your name?" Answer. "N." Q. "Who gave you that name?" A. "My godfather and godmother, in my baptism, in which I was made a member of Christ, a child of God, and an heir of the kingdom of heaven." After looking at all this, I told the children I could not teach that to them, for it was false, and I could not knowingly teach falsehoods. I went through with the presbyterian catechism, but the poor little episcopalian children were obliged to set and hear, without any part in that which was as bad as their own catechism in many things.

As soon as the children returned home, they told their father what the new master had said and done. He was highly offended, and threatened to take them from the school. This grieved the children as they were remarkably well pleased with their new instructor. On Monday morning, the two children returned with a note to this amount: "Sir, you are requested to meet me this evening at my house, and tarry till morning. yours, &c." This request I complied with, and went from the school-house, and found the man had called in his neighbors to him, to converse upon his catechism and confound me. After supper was over, and the people seated around a good country fire, Mr. B. thus addressed me: "Sir, I think it strange that you should refuse to teach my children their catechism; you are the only one who ever refused to do it in that school-house. Why have you treated me in /121/ this manner?" My reply was this: "Sir, it was not for want of good will to you, or your children, that I refused to teach them your catechism; but because I considered the statements there to be absolutely false and contrary to the scriptures of truth, and I dare not teach contrary to that book.

He observed, that great and good men made that catechism, and good men for ages believed it, and that it must be true, for such men would not publish falsehoods; and, said he, do you suppose you know better than such men as the bishops of London have been? Here he grew warm upon the subject. I told him it was not my business to dispute their goodness, nor set myself up as wise; but one thing was certain, from the scripture, viz : that those who were sons of God, were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God; and that men were born of the spirit to be members of the kingdom of heaven; and Christ said, "Except a man be born of water and the spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of heaven." And that men were saved, not by works of righteousness which they have done, but by the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Ghost. I then told him that my being sprinkled did me no good, and that I believed I had known, and then did know, what being born of the spirit meant; and that we were children of God by faith in Christ Jesus, and not by baptism. /122/

When I spake of knowing what regeneration meant, he yielded, as it was beyond what he had experienced. "Well," said he, "I insist on it that you teach my children the catechism." "I will do it sir, upon this condition, and no other; I will teach it to them, and when I have done, will tell them it is false, and charge them not to believe one word of that part which says baptism makes them children of God, members of Christ, and heirs of the kingdom." "I will agree to that," said he, and so the conversation ended as to the catechism. The next Saturday, the two children brought their book, and I remembered my promise to them and their father, and at the usual time began: Question, to the girl, "What is you name?" She answered, Nancy. "Who gave you that name?" Answer, "My godfather and godmother, in my baptism," &c. Then the same to the boy, who as younger. After going through, I thus addressed them: "Children, these things are false, and you must not believe them. There are no such beings in existence as godfathers and godmothers: these are inventions of men, and baptism does not make us children of God; you must believe in Christ, or you will be undone forever." The children wept, and took their seats. As soon as they returned home, the father said, "Well, children, did your master learn you the catechism?" "Yes sir," said Nancy. "And what did he say?" "He said it was false, and we must not believe it." "Ah," said he, /123/ "your master is determined to have his own way." This ended the matter; he sent his children constantly, often invited me to his house, but never after that, sent his prayer-book to the school, for me to learn his children falsehoods.

The first time I heard the baptist minister preach, after my school began, his text was, Ezek. x. 13, "O WHEEL!" His subject was this; "The wonderful superintendant providence of God." he told of some remarkable instances of the preservation of men in thunder storms, hurricanes, &c. I was so little benefitted by the discourse, that there was scarcely any thing left now, besides the wheel. All the other parts of the carriage, and burden, are gone from me. The man did not appear to understand the subject contained in the text.

There was in that place, a happy number of people who were devoted to God, and who endeavored to walk in newness of life. With these good people I spent much of my time when out of school.

It was my intention, after engaging my school, to speak some among them that winter; but my gift was to me so small, and my knowledge of the scriptures so little, that it was more than I could undertake. Once, I spake in their meeting, upon the conduct of Abraham in offering up Isaac. My knowledge was so mall, and being greatly agitated by hearing my own voice, that I said but little and sat down. In the time of my residence /124/ there, I heard Jacob Winchel preach; a young man who began to preach when about nineteen or twenty years old. He then lived in Hartford city. At that time it was considered an extraordinary thing for a person to be a preacher at that age. Many people came that day to hear him. His text was this, Mark vi. 5, "It is I, be not afraid." In his introduction, he noticed the miracle wrought in feeding the multitude with a few loaves, and observed that he had often thought himself like the lad with a few loaves, and frequently found God fed many in that way. He mentioned the situation of the desciples (sic) in the ship without Jesus; and stated the uncomfortable and unsafe state of all who sat out in any business without Christ. He raised this doctrine from the text: "That Christ was the only, and all-sufficient help of all who put their trust in him." In illustrating this statement, he described the glory and fulness of Christ, as I had never heard before; and then shewed how he had comforted and delivered such as trusted in him. He mentioned such as were safe among lions, in the furnace, in prisons, and other situations the most distressing.

Before he had done, I thought that Christ was more valuable than every thing else; that christians were a safe and happy people, and a preacher of the everlasting gospel the happiest man on earth. His preaching seemed for a while to discourage me from ever speaking in public, on account of my ignorance of /125/ these things which he appeared so familiarly acquainted with.

Through the whole of this winter, the quotation bible, which I carried in my pocket, was my principal study, being convinced that the scriptures were able to make me wise unto salvation, through faith in Christ Jesus. At one time, when in the house of my episcopalian friend, B. he shewed me a book, just published in Hartford, entitled, "Osterwalds' christian theology," or a compendious body of divinity; and advised me to purchase it of him, as it was a religious book. After examining its contents, I concluded to take it at one dollar fifty cents, which was so much out of my wages. This book I read for several years, until I committed every chapter to memory. This was the beginning of my studying divinity. when my school ended, I had taken out of my fifteen dollars, the body of divinity, one pair of shoes, and one pair of stockings, which amounted to about four dollars and fifty cents. There was then about ten dollars and fifty cents left, which I was determined to lay out to the best advantage. As I had never owned a great court or surtout, I determined to own one, if it was ever so coarse.

Having received my wages, I walked to Hartford city, which was ten miles, and found a peace (sic) of blue cloth, which would answer for me. Enough for a surtout would amount to almost nine dollars, not leaving me quite two dollars to spend from East-Hartford to /126/ Woodstock, one hundred and seventy miles. Having obtained my cloth, I walked back the same day, and made preparation to return home. The good people where I lived cooked some victuals for me to eat on my way home. I filled up my pack with few clothes, shoes, stockings and food, and tied my cloth on the top of my pack, which by this time was quite heavy; fixed it on soldier fashion, bid the people farewell, and set out with good courage in March, for Vermont.

When I set out from Connecticut, there was no snow, but after travelling about fifty miles, there was good sledding. when within two days ride of Windsor, Vt. I put up at a tavern where a man from Vermont stayed, who was going, with his wife and child, in a sleigh to Windsor. I asked him if he could give me a ride to Windsor, or part of the way. He said his load was heavy, but he could carry my pack, and I might take hold of the hind part of the sleigh and ride down hill, if I could keep up so. This he thought was impossible for me to do. I told him I was used to walking and running, and could keep up. We sat out early in the morning, and he having two good horses, sometimes drove faster than I wished him to go. When going down the hills, he would say, "you will kill yourself, in running so long and fast." At night I was some tired, but not the least discouraged. The next day it rained, and going over the pine plains in Walpole and Charlestown, the water was considerable deep in the road, but /127/ I waded through it as fast as the horses went. We arrived at Windsor about four o'clock; there he stopped and gave up my pack. I was then about thirteen or fourteen miles from my father's house, and was determined to get there before I slept.

After walking about three miles, I came to an house where a baptist deacon lived, by the name of Thompson. Here I ate some warm victuals, which was the first after leaving Hartford. When I took off my shoes, my stockings were quite bloody, my feet having been so wet all day and stepping so hard in keeping up with the sleigh. After eating some food, and resting a little, I set out about sundown for Woodstock. My limbs were so sore, that sometimes it appeared impossible for me to reach home that night. I walked very slow all the way, and some time between midnight and day, I arrived at my father's house, almost overcome with the two last days travelling. When I opened the door, my mother sat by the fire, having two beds in the room; on one lay my oldest brother, on the other my youngest sister, sick with the measles. She was quite overcome on seeing me, as she had not heard from me after we parted in Walpole the October before. She soon got me some refreshment, and I retired to take some rest which was needful at that time. It has often seemed strange to me, that my strength should endure to journey in this way, but the Lord preserved me, and to him be the praise. /128/

After I had retired to sleep, my mother took my stockings and put them into water to wring them out; and she told me the next day that the water was red with the blood she wrung out of them. My feet were very sore for several days after, and to add to all the rest, I took the measles, and was not able to do much for about one month after my return.

As soon as I was well of the measles, I engaged in work on the farm for a short time, and about the first of May, 1789, began a school for six months, at the same house where I first undertook the business.

At this time, my mind was greatly exercised on baptism, which had been so plain a duty for about four years. I was convinced that believers were the only people on whom baptism was enjoined; and that burying in water only, was scriptural baptism; but the greatest and only objection in my mind was, whether I was such a believer as the bible directed to be baptised. My experience was to me so small, that I thought no person could gain an evidence that I had passed from death to life. After a long struggle, I determined upon one thing, which was to tell the church what I had experienced, and why it was my desire to be baptised; and then should feel clear, whether they received me or not. With this /129/ determination, on the day the monthly church meeting of the baptist church was held, in the north part of the town, I set out for the meeting on foot, about four miles from where I lived.

At the place of meeting I found a considerable number of the members together, and Elder William Grow with them, the man I heard preach in the orchard in Connecticut several years before. They all were united in love and happy in their union. After they had gone through with their business, with much trembling I rose and stated to them the occasion of my meeting with them at that time. After giving them the reason of my hope in Christ, each one was asked if they could receive me as one born of God. Every one present declared that they had fellowship with me as one born of God. The way was then open for me to be baptised. this was the most crossing to my natural feelings of any thing I had ever been called to attend unto in all my life.

Had I obeyed four years before, there would have been a pleasure with the duty, but having so long neglected the command, the duty was about all left to lead me to obedience. Being determined to submit to Christ in that command, we made ready and went to the water, of what is called Queechy river, near the house of Ichabod Churchill, who now lives in the same house where the meeting was held. The brethren and others gathered round; Elder Grow spake solemnly, and intelligibly upon the subject, and then led me into the /130/ river, and baptised me in the name of FATHER, SON, and HOLY GHOST; after which we both came up out of the water, after the example of our blessed Lord. When on the bank of the river, we sung an hymn which I had chosen for that occasion, and which then appeared good and important to me. The following are the two first verses:

This second verse was peculiar to me, as I viewed it an amazing display of God's goodness in shewing me the riches of his grace in Christ Jesus, by whom so great a sinner could be saved. After being baptised, my mind was calm, as I had done as it was commanded. Though I had been received as one born again, and baptised; yet I was not considered a member of the church; for the baptists at that time had four doors by which a man must enter, to be in the church. 1. He must give the reason of his hope in Christ. 2. He must be baptised. 3. The articles of faith, and church-covenant must be read, to which he must give his assent. All this did not make him a member. 4. He must be voted in; then he is a member in full fellowship, if he holds to close communion. All this was done, and /131/ in this way I was declared, and recorded a member of the second baptist church in Woodstock. The articles of faith to which I then assented, contained what the baptists call particular election; or that Christ died for the elect, and that such a number should be saved, &c. These articles I did not understand for they had never been read to me before; and being read but once, it was not possible for me to remember much of them. I assented to them, because the minister and church thought they were true. Since that time, the minister and the members have rejected that abominable doctrine of partiality, and now stand in gospel liberty.

The next day after being baptised was their communion, I joined with them in that solemn ordinance, which was peculiarly so to me at that time, on several accounts: 1. To find myself numbered among those I considered heirs of God, and joint heirs with Christ, was to me a great and solemn thing. 2. My parents were members of the same church, and were present, and communed at the same time; this was joy to them, and solemnity to me. 3. To hear the sufferings and death of Christ described, (which that ordinance shewed forth,) as it then was by the preacher, took great hold of my mind. 4. The pleasing thought, that one day we should meet each other, all the redeemed, and the Redeemer, whose death we shewed forth, rendered the scene solemn and glorious beyond that I had ever experienced before. As but few were baptised at /132/ that time, especially among the youth; the news of my being baptised spread abroad, and much was said upon the subject.

It was not long after being baptised, before my mind was greatly distressed, fearing I had gone too fast; and sometimes thought it would have been better not to have been baptised; knowing if I fell away again, the consequence, to myself and others would be worse than though I had never owned Christ; and several times that summer, thought if I had not been baptised, I should still neglect it. After some time, my mind was considerable freed from those doubts and fears, which caused me so much trouble. There was another thing which greatly troubled me that summer; that was the thought of preaching the gospel to others. There was no righteous thing which my mind was so opposed to, as this; and it was my determination never to submit to it, if it would be avoided righteously; and though my mind was often exercised about speaking publicly; yet it often seemed foolish in me to think of any such things, as, in my own mind, I was destitute of natura, acquired, or spiritual qualifications for such an undertaking. In the course of the summer, I had an opportunity to hear several baptist ministers preach, and some of them made such poor work of it, that I thought they had better be called something beside preachers; and concluded that if I could not be more profitable in /133/ speaking, than such, it would be much better to remain in silence.

There was one man who was quite an objection to my speaking in public. Let him have what text he would, his sermon was always about the same. After talking awhile, he would tell us of Daniel in the lion's den; Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, in the fiery furnace; and Paul and Silas in prison. These three things generally made out the chief of his discourse. One time he was invited to preach a sermon in my school-house, on the day of the annual thanksgiving in Vermont. He came, and the people gathered, congregationalists, presbyterians, baptists, &c. to hear the thanksgiving sermon. His text was this; Mark xvi. 16, "He that believeth and is baptised shall be saved, he that believeth not shall be damned." His discourse was almost wholly upon baptism, and was very disgusting to many, particularly the advocates for infant sprinkling. This proved to me, not only the unskilfulness of some preachers, but taught me some of the difficulties preachers must encounter. I said to some, "If I could not make out better than that, I would never try again." These things did not rid my mind of the thought of preaching, though unfit for the work.

Two things I determined upon; one was, never to speak in public, without an evidence of being called of God to the work; the other was, to do every thing in my power to prepare me for that work, if he ever called to /134/ it by the spirit of God. To do this, I made the bible my chief study through the season; this I continually carried with me, as had for some time been my practice. It being a quotation bible, greatly assisted my mind in comparing the different parts of the scriptures together; particularly the prophecies in the old-testament, and their accomplishment in the new-testament. This was my constant business when out of school, unless when employed in reading "Osterwald's christians theology," and a short system of divinity written by Norton. I also read "Edwards' history of redemption," some; "Beston's fourfold state," and "Flavel's sermons." Others might make greater progress, but no one could be more industrious, not labor more to treasure up useful knowledge. At the time of teaching the school, after entering my twenty-first year, I had one advantage as to speaking in public. The congregational meeting was held in the school-house, which was made large for that purpose. This meeting I generally attended. When they had no preaching, and it was but a small part of the time they had any minister, they read Glavel's sermons. At this time they requested me to read for them. With a great deal of diffidence I consented, and was obliged to put on my spectacles, as I could not read without them. My manner of reading was so acceptable, that they repeatedly requested me to read for them. By this practice, that fear in standing before an assembly, gradually wore off, and in the course of a few /135/ months, I spake a few words once or twice in a private meeting, and sometimes prayed in conference meeting; but being naturally, what is called bashful, I underwent much on all such occasions; and frequently wondered why others should think me possessed of a public gift.

Six months of this year, I was confined to the school-house, and to close study when out of school. There was no person on earth that knew the labors of my mind at that time. I became almost a recluse; retiring almost wholly from company, unless I could get with such men as were able and willing to teach me.

After finishing my school, I returned home, not knowing what to do; though rather determined to quit the business of teaching children, which was too much confinement for me. I was willing and able to work, and thought if that constant labor in my mind, as to speaking in public could be removed, I would, with the greatest cheerfulness, put on my frock and go to work among the black logs again, as I had before. My father asked me what I meant to do. My reply was, "I cannot tell." As he had freed me at the age of eighteen or nineteen, he was entirely willing I should still retain my liberty, and do what I thought was duty. I endeavored to work, but my mind was so fixed upon reading, that I could not work. In the time of teaching school, I had purchased a few books, and had a small book-case made, which I would carry /136/ in my hand from place to place, where I boarded. This I carried to my father's house, and believe my mother now has it in her possession. I went from the field to the house, opened my little book-case, took out my favorite book, and read the fifteenth chapter of Genesis. The first verse comforted me much. "After these things, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, saying, fear not Abram, I am thy shield and thy exceeding great reward." From this, I took some new courage to pursue my search after truth in the scriptures of truth; though much against ever being a preacher. At this time, after entering my twenty-first year, I undertook to commit the new-testament to memory, from the beginning of the epistle to the Romans, to the end. This, I in a great measure accomplished in about eighteen months from that time.

From the time of leaving my summer school till I began it again in the winter, my mind was continually distressed on account of preaching the gospel to others. It often was surprising that such a subject should trouble me, when in my own view, I was destitute of every qualification for such a work. Many of the church spake frequently to me upon the subject, and told me I was hiding my talent in the earth. When I told them how unqualified my mind was, they would bring /137/ up what Moses said; "That he was slow of speech, slow tongue, and not eloquent." When I told them my age was an excuse, they would bring the words of Jeremiah, chap. i. 6,7,8, "Then said I, Ah, Lord God! behold, I cannot speak; for I am a child. But the Lord said unto me, say not I am a child; for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee, thou shalt speak." When I told them of my ignorance, weakness, foolishness, and that for many years I had thought myself a fool, a destitute of common sense, and that I never could talk as others could, they would bring me the words of Paul, 1 Cor. i. 27,28. "But God hath chosen the foolish things of this world, to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world, to confound the things that are mighty; and base things of the world, and things that are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things that are not, to bring to nought the things that are; that no flesh should glory in his presence." These things lost their force in my mind, as I concluded they did not anywise apply to me. Though there was much weight in these things, yet I was sometimes displeased when my brethren applied them to me.

It was my constant practice to attend all the meetings near; especially when there was any one to preach, hoping to gain some useful knowledge. My mind was, however, often disappointed; for some were called preachers, who needed to be taught what /138/ were the first principles of the oracles of God. Sometime in November, I went to see Elder William Grow, the man that baptised me, who lived in Bridgwater, about six miles from my father's house. As he was considered a man of knowledge, and a great preacher, I concluded he could learn me to preach. He received me kindly, and gave me liberty to read his books, which I considered a great privilege. He had one book called "Skeletons of sermons," that is, bones without meat. They were properly, blank sermons; a man in drawing ten thousand of them, would never obtain the highest prize in Christ Jesus. They were fixed in the following manner: 1. The text was written. 2. The propositions were stated one after another; the passages of scripture quoted to prove the propositions, &c. Then the inferences and application, set in order after them. These were fixed, to be filled up by the young preacher, or by an old ignorant one. Elder Grow handed me the book, and said, "There is the book they gave me, when men undertook to make a minister of me." Speaking in this manner of the book, gave me a diminutive idea of it. Notwithstanding this, I read and examined it, till I said, as David did of Saul's armour, "I cannot go with these." Cruden's concordance, gave me the most information of any book he had; as it contained the meaning of many words which I had never before seen explained. I tarried with him about two weeks, and returned home. /139/

Soon after this I visited my uncle, Elisha Ransom, a baptist preacher. He was not a popular preacher, but a man of penetration, and good understanding. To him I am now indebted for the first instructions in the art of reading; and the instructions I received from him, in the month of attending his school, laid a foundation for after improvement. As he had instructed me in the first principles of reading, I considered him capable of teaching me in the first principles of the doctrine of Christ. I told him some of the exercises of my mind, as to the scriptures, speaking in public, &c. and wished such instruction and advice from him, as he was able to give. He spake freely upon the subject; noticed the greatness and importance of preaching the everlasting gospel to men, and advised me to make the scriptures my main study, as they were able to make me wise unto salvation, through faith in Christ Jesus.

The last part of his conversation at that time was upon words; and though he did not talk long, what he said had been of great use to me, from that day till now. He stated that it was importance to know the meaning of words, and the different things often meant by one word. He quoted what Solomon said, "the preacher sought to find out acceptable words; and that which was written was upright, even words of truth." He quoted the writings of Paul: "Let no man deceive you with vain words." "Hold fast the form of sound words." "With good words and fair /140/ speeches, deceive the hearts of the simple." Charge them before the Lord that they strive not about words to no profit; but to the subverting of the hearers." After quoting these places of scripture upon words; he observed that there were many words used, not found in the scriptures, and many scripture words used, not as the writers used them; and that to know the meaning of a word, we must know what the author meant when he used the word. When you read, said he, the word righteousness, atonement, hope, salvation, grace, truth, or any such word, find the subject that word is used to convey. In this way said he, you will be rich in ideas as well as words; for he who only knows words, is like one who always deals in empty vessels; you must go to some other if you are hungry. All this looked rational, and I then resolved to attend to what he said. That conversation has been of great use to me.

In the first part of public speaking, it was my constant study to know the meaning of important words used in the scriptures, and to give their meaning to my hearers. For several years past, (remembering what my uncle said, that there were many words used, not in the scriptures,) I have taken particular notice of the words used to describe doctrines, which are not in the bible, and have endeavored to point them out in speaking and writing, which has greatly enraged many who consent not to wholesome words, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ. This instruction given me /141/ upon words, laid the foundation for writing my new-testament dictionary, in which the most important words are noticed; the subject stated, contained in the words; and unscriptural words named and left behind.

For the instruction of others, particularly young preachers, I here observe, that many words are now in use to describe some principal part of doctrine, which are not in the scriptures; this often causes strife and contention. If the word is used to express a subject in the bible, the word used in the bible to express that subject, is better than an unscriptural word. If the word and doctrine are both unscriptural, it is in vain to undertake to prove from the bible that which is not once named there. The word trinity is an unscriptural word, and so is the doctrine, and we may as well prove purgatory from the bible, as the trinity: for neither of them are mentioned there. There are some scriptural words which are used to describe what is not named in the bible. Baptism is one. it is in the bible; but there is no account of baptising infants there; and all said in favor of that is invention. When preachers are willing to leave unscriptural words, and unscriptural doctrines, for the words of Christ, and the plain express doctrine of Christ and the apostles, jars and contentions will cease, and all will consent to wholesome words, and the doctrine which is according to godliness.

The winter before I was twenty-one years old, was spent in teaching the youth, in the /142/ school-house, in the south part of Woodstock. The evenings were generally spent in reading the scriptures, or some religious books. Edwards' history of redemption, I read with attention and pleasure. Through the winter my mind was constantly agitated with the subject of preaching, which I wished never to be engaged in, if possible to avoid it. Sometimes it appeared to me that death was to be chosen rather than preaching the gospel, and often I thought if left to my choice to be a preacher or die, I should choose rather to die. Several times, after the people were gone from the school-house, there was a strong temptation in my mind to get under the school-house and die there.

This was the state of my mind through the winter, and there was no one that knew the unhappy state of my mind. Some time in March, I left the school and returned to my father's, and attended closely to my studies, meaning never to be a preacher if it could be avoided, and yet to be prepared for it, if it should ever be duty. My mind was do distressed oftentimes, that I could not work, and sometimes had no appetite for my food. Many times I arose before day, and went into the woods, and there remained the greatest part of the day, without any food. My time was spent in prayer, reading the bible, and meditating on what it contained. Sometimes I wished a bible had never been put into my hands; sometimes I felt a strong temptation to throw my bible away and drown myself, or /143/ starve in the woods. My parents were frequently alarmed about me, fearing what might happen, and frequently called after me, when in the wilderness, and though I heard, yet I gave them no answer.

In the month of May, I began my summer school, in the same house where it was in the winter. About this time, I heard there was to be a meeting of several baptist ministers in Chester, about twenty miles from Woodstock, the last of the month. I had a great desire to attend the meeting, hoping to learn something profitable. Elder John Peak, who now lives in Newburyport, Mass. was to attend that meeting, and requested me to go. Having obtained leave of the school committee, to be gone one week, I put on my surtout, without any other coat, or change of raiment, and set out on foot, for Windsor, where Elder Peak lived, expecting to walk from there to Chester, while he rode through Claremont, to attend a meeting he had appointed.

At that time the baptist ministers were poor, and made a mean appearance in the word, to what many of them do now. To have dressed one of them in black then, with a band and surplice, and called him Rev. or D. D. would have affrighted him, especially had he in addition to this, received a salary. Mr. Peak was low in the world, and in his own esteem, and the Lord looked to him then. He was a tailor and followed the business when at home. He had an old horse, poor and lame, which he thought unfit to ride to Chester, as he /144/ expected to go from Chester to Adams in Massachusetts, to attend the Shaftsbury association the first of June. He told me, that if it would not mortify my pride too much, I might ride his old lame horse to Chester. This offer I accepted, and set out with him. We were both poorly dressed, and felt our dependence. The first day we rode to Claremont; he preached, and I prayed with the assembly, which was about all I ever had done in public, at that time.

The next day we set out for Chester. We crossed Connecticut river from Charlestown, into Rockingham. The only way we could cross the river was in a canoe. We put our saddles in the canoe; led our horses into the river, one upon each side; the man paddled the boat; we held our horses by the bridles and they swam by the side of us and got safely across the river.

In riding a small distance from the river, we came to the house of Elder John Peckins (sic), a baptist minister, living in that town. with him we tarried that night. As my calculation was to hear and not speak much, my attention was drawn to all he and Mr. Peak said.

The next day we all went to Chester, and put up at the house of Elder Aaron Leland, a baptist minister, who still resides in that town. He receives us cheerfully, and his company was peculiarly pleasing to me, as he was a good man, and of considerable information, for that day., There were not many ministers at the meeting, nor many people. In /145/ conversation at Elder Leland's house, some things were conversed upon, which they called doctrinal points; but as they were beyond my comprehension, I retained but little of what was said.

The instruction and satisfaction gained at this meeting was so little, that it was lost time, and I wished I had tarried at home and read my bible. As Elder Leland was going to the association, he proposed to me, to go with them. Although I greatly desired to go, yet it appeared impracticable, as I had no horse but a cripple; only an outside coat, to wear in June, and had agreed to return to my school in one week. Elder Peak said, I might have his horse free of expence, and thought the people would not complain if my school was left two or three weeks. From every consideration, I concluded to set out with them accross (sic) the green mountains, through a desert land, and waste howling wilderness.

The first Sunday I attended meeting with Elder Leland in Westminster, at the baptist meeting house. Here I prayed after he had done preaching; which was the first time I ever prayed in a meeting house. My mind was greatly embarrassed, as a meeting house then was to me a very different place from what it is now. On Monday morning, Elder Peak, and Elder Perkins came on, to go with us to the association. The first place we stopped at, if my memory serves, was at Colerain, at the house of Elder Obed /146/ Warren, a baptist preacher. With him we tarried till morning. He lived in a log house, but was blessed with the comforts of life. He and his wife received us joyfully, and possessed the spirit of the gospel. We spent the time agreeably in conversation, prayer, and singing. At this house I first saw Rippon's hymn book, which pleased me much. I found the hymn, "Jesus and shall it ever be;" I wrote it off, and when I came to Newhampshire, brought it, and it is now generally known and sung by thousands.

On the morrow we set out with Elder Warren and others, for Adams. We had a dismal desert to pass through; some of the way very rough, and but few inhabitants. We passed through what was then called No. 7, and Bullock's Grant. Several places we were obliged to lead our horses, and sometimes we were almost afraid to go before them down the hills. After travelling some miles without refreshment, excepting what we received of the brooks in the way, Elder Leland, who with me and one or two more were forward of the others, sat down on a log by the way, to wait for those behind. After the others came up, he said, "Brethren, I wish you to join with me to sing this verse,"

Towards night we found ourselves among inhabitants, who let us have some refreshment free. My lame horse kept up with the others; and though without one cent of money, I was continually provided for among the company. Towards night, we began to enquire for baptists, and heard of one at some distance. We travelled till about midnight to get to his house. The man received us, put our horses into the pasture, and gave us bread and milk for supper. We slept, some on beds, and some on the floor; so we remained till morning. This was the day the association met; we were then several miles from Adams, and rode fast, to be there in season. We arrived at Adams about the middle of the day, and put up with old Elder Peter Wordan, a worthy preacher. The ministers who attended the association, were chiefly at his house. Some of them I now remember; among the many were the following: Elder John Gano, from Kentucky; his son Stephen Gano, who now lives in Providence, R. I. Elder John Waldo, Elder Henry Green, Elder Hamilton, Elder Moffat, Elder Isaac Webb, who now lives in Albany; Elder Isaac Smith, Elder Justus Hull, of Little Hosick, N. Y. Elder Caleb Blood, of Shaftsbury, Vt. since died in Portland, Maine. /148/ These I now remember, besides those I went there with.

These Elders were happy in meeting each other, on that occasion. I had but little to do excepting to hear, learn, and remember. The chief conversation before the public meeting, was upon the things of the kingdom of Christ. I remember some conversation they had respecting ministers and preaching. Mr. Hamilton, who was an Englishman, told the company of a good man in England, who had more religion than learning, that preached from Isaiah, i. 8, "And the daughter of Zion is left as a cottage in a vineyard, as a lodge in a garden of cucumbers, as a besieged city." The man read it, "as a log in a garden of cucumbers;" and from this, undertook to shew how professors of religion stood, or lay in the way of others. Mr. Peak, who was then an inquisitive man, and desirous to learn, asked Mr. Hamilton what that place of scripture meant. Mr. Hamilton said, that in Asia, vineyards were often far from any house; and that for the accommodation of the vine dresser, in the season of attending to the fruit, a small hut was built for him, and when the grapes were all gathered, the man left his cottage till the next year. He also stated, that in many parts of the world, cucumbers, were a principle article of food, and where there was a large field of them far from an house, a small place was built, that a man might lodge there through the night, until the season was over; then he left it till another season. This he /149/ said described the state of Jerusalem, when its riches and inhabitants were carried away by their enemies.

At the close of the conversation, some one mentioned that it was about time to attend the public meeting. The ministers then began to look at their watches, and no two of them agreed. Mr. Blood observed, that if the preachers were as far from each other, as their watches, they should have a jumbling association. Mr. Smith from Partridgefield, Mass. observed, "that to have their watches right, they must all be set by the sun." To this they all agreed, and went to the meeting house. this last saying I kept in memory, and have since found the benefit of. There are many preachers and others, who compare themselves by themselves, and measure themselves among themselves; but Paul says, they are not wise. Each sect, or party say, we are agreed among ourselves; or at least we mean to be so, and especially those that differ the most among themselves. Were all to submit to Christ, who is the standard, the sun of righteousness; all would not only be alike, but all would be right, and in harmony among themselves.

I do not now remember the order in which each man preached; but well remember who preached, the texts spoken upon, and the manner in which they preached. The first sermon was delivered by Elder John Waldo, who lived in Vermont, or New-York. His text was John xvii. 22, "That they may be /150/ one, even as we are one." He undertook first, to shew how God and Christ were one. 1. They were one in creating the world. 2. One in ruling the world. 3. One in the work of redemption. 4. One in election, or in choosing a few to the exclusion of all others. Second, he endeavored to shew what that oneness was, which Christ prayed his disciples might have. The next sermon was delivered by a young man by the name of Thomas Montonye, who then lived in Warwick, N. Y. and now lives in Northampton, Penn. His text was, Psalm cxliv. 15, "Yeah, happy is that people, whose God is the Lord." He first described that people whose God is the Lord. 2. The happiness peculiar to such a people. His discourse I treasured up, and can repeat it as to the particulars now. I then thought him the happiest young man on earth. He was not far from my age, and I had no doubt of his being called of God to preach the gospel; and supposed he had no doubt of his duty in that respect.

In the course of the business of the association, Elder John Gano, was requested to give some account of the state of the churches in the western country, and of revivals of religion among the people. The account he gave was interesting and refreshing.

At the close of the business of the association, Elder John Gano preached a farewell sermon, as he never expected to visit that place again. I was not at all pleased, at hearing he was to preach, as there was /151/ others whose appearance was much more pleasing to me than his. I concluded he was asked to preach out of respect to his age, and from his appearance, being a small old man, I concluded he could not be much of a preacher. After prayer and singing, he stood up to read his text which was this, Rom. xvi. 24, "the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen." After reading his text, he stood some time without saying one word; in which time the eyes of all the assembly were fixed upon him. I concluded he remained silent, because he had nothing to say. At last he said, with a loud voice, "I am loth to spoil this good text, and I am sure I can make it no better." Here he paused again for some time. He then spake again, saying, "Who shall I say this to: the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all." He then paused again, and looking earnestly at the young people in the gallery, can I say this to you. I do not know; I fear not. Did the Lord ever see you on your knees in the grove, or in your bed chamber, crying like the publican for mercy? If so, I can say this to you, but I cannot without." By this time every person in the house was ready to hear, and I fully believed he could preach.

In his introduction he took particular notice of the salutations of Paul to the members of the church in Rome; in which not gar from thirty are mentioned. He observed that often he felt backward in bidding farewell to each individual, when there were many in the /152/ company; and also in asking the welfare of each one he met; and sometimes when writing a letter, he gave his salutation to all as one, when there were several individuals, who merited a particular salutation in distinction from the whole. But, said, when I read this chapter, and see how particular Paul was, to give orders to greet so many individuals, I feel ashamed of myself, to think I should be so sneaking, as to refuse to follow such an example, as the one here set by Paul the apostle of our Lord Jesus Christ. When he came to his text, he spake excellently of the grace of our Lord Jesus, and gave a solemn and profitable exhortation and warning to the ministers; and particularly those that were young. The whole assembly felt the force of that portion he gave to each one in due season. The meeting closed by singing a farewell hymn, composed by Elder Justus Hull. "Farewell my brethren in the Lord."

This was an happy, profitable opportunity to me as the glorious things I heard and understood, led me for a while to forget almost every thing earthly.

Elder Blood, and several other preachers in Vermont, had appointed what they called a general meeting, in Shaftsbury, where Elder Blood lived. As Elders Peak and Leland were to attend that meeting, I went with them; being determined to hear and learn all that would profit me, thinking that might be the last meeting of the kind I should ever attend. This meeting was appointed /153/ the Saturday, Sunday, and Monday after the meeting of the association, and the greater part of the Elders attended. There were several discourses delivered. Elder Henry Green, of Wallingford, spake from Ezekiel xviii. 25, "Hear now, O house of Israel, is not my way equal? Are not your ways unequal?" Elder T. Montonye, preached from Isaiah, xxxiii. 20, "Look upon Zion the city of our solemnities." Elder Jordon Dodge, spake upon Solomon's Songs, iii. 9, "King Solomon made himself a chariot of the wood of Lebanon."

On Sunday morning, Elder John Gano preached from Phil. ii. 5, "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." In speaking upon his text, he noticed the exalted state of Jesus Christ. A great company of people came together to hear, among whom were several deists. In speaking upon Christ, he observed that almost every person professed to believe in Christ, excepting now and then a deist, and, said he, they are more impudent than the devil, for he acknowledged him to be the Son of God; and, said he, I should be ashamed to have it said that even the devil was a greater believer than myself. This was an heavy blow to the deists who attended the meeting.

After giving a description of the greatness of Christ, he considered the exhortation, "Let this mind be in your, which was also in Christ jesus." He observed that many were opposed to mimicry, but, said he, I am not so /154/ much opposed to it as some are; we are in a mimicing world. "Here! here!" said he, " is a pattern for you all; mimic Jesus Christ; "let this mind be in your that was in him;" act like him, and God, angels, and good men will approve of your conduct." In speaking upon this particular, he observed that Jesus bowed before his father, and that every knee must bow to him, here or hereafter. He then, with the authority of one sent of God to preach, cast his eyes around on the assembly, and with a solemn voice, said, "My friends, young and old, I tell you it is but to bow at the present time; it must be done; do it now in secret, or you must bow in that great day, when an assembly of saints and angels shall see you bow under the iron rod, which shall dash you in pieces like a potter's vessel, and there will be none to deliver!" His words were like thunder, and while he thus spake, the solemnity of heaven seemed to gather around, and every ear witnessed to the solemn truth, uttered by this aged witness of Jesus. At noon Elder Blood baptised one, and they communed in the afternoon. Elder Gano, broke the bread, and talked solemnly, and profitably upon that command, and to the preachers and members present. One thing he said upon the bread and wine, which then was weighty to me, and which on that account I have retained to this day. When he took off the cloth which was over the bread and wine, he said that in doing it, he often thought of the widow who had preserved the /155/ likeness of her husband to know how he once looked, though dead; this likeness, said he, often causes grief; but O, how great is the difference here! This is to shew how Jesus once was when in the grave; but this brings joy; for it shews that he who was once dead is alive, and lives forevermore, and he says by this, "Because I live ye shall live also." This communion season was very solemn, and interesting to me. On Monday morning the Elders and brethren met again. Elder John Gano preached the last sermon but one, from 2 Cor. xii. 11, "Finally brethren farewell." He spake upon two things. 1. The brethren. 2. What it was to fare well. In speaking upon the brethren, he said a family was meant, and, said he, "I bless God! I think I have an acquaintance with the first born of the whole family!" This was a profitable discourse, and as he was old, and about to leave the place soon, no more to return, what he said greatly affected the preachers, and many others who heard his last words. The last discourse was delivered by Elder Blood, from these words, "Gather up the fragments, that nothing be lost." He took up every discourse that had been delivered; mentioned each proposition, and the manner in which each particular was spoken upon. this sermon was a curiosity, as it not only brought each sermon to remembrance, but shewed the strength of memory with which the preacher was blessed. This with a few exhortations, some praying and singing, closed /156/ the meeting. The people returned to their homes, and the preachers went their ways to preach the glad tidings to other cities also.

During the time of my stay in Shaftsbury, I lodged at the house of deacon Clark, a worthy brother, and I believe, real follower of the Lamb. His second wife, with whom he then lived, was the widow Brown, of Lyme, Con. with whom I had been acquainted, when about ten years old. It was pleasing to meet her there, and great joy to her, to find me, as she believed, a lover of the Saviour. My visit between the meetings was particularly pleasing. Deacon Clark gave me a general account of his life, conversion, and afflictions. One circumstance he mentioned, I have often related in public and private, which was the following: "A few years ago," said he, "in the month of March, my house, which stood where this stands, was consumed by fire, and almost all in the house went with it. The next month, my wife died, and in May, two of my sons went to wash some sheep, and one, in wading after a sheep that swam from him, was drowned. All this in about three months. When I looked to where my house stood, it was empty. When I looked into my field, where my son once labored, it was empty. When I looked into the house where I resided, after mine was burnt, and my wife was gone, it was empty; and the whole world was empty; and but for one thing, I should have despaired; that was, when I looked to heaven, I could see an empty mansion, which /157/ Jesus was then preparing for me; this gave me comfort, under all my troubles and losses." This account was interesting to me. Well is it for all who are in trouble, if they can say, "Jesus has gone to prepare a place for me."

The morning after the meeting closed, I set out with Elders Peak and Leland, for Manchester, to see Elder Joseph Cornwall, who at that time lived there; he has since resided in Providence, R. I. and last year, 1814, lived in Galaway, N. Y. We put up with him on Tuesday evening, and appointed a meeting for the two Elders at his meeting house, at 3 o'clock the next day. I was remarkably pleased with him, his family, and the order of his house. In the morning his sons came in from the field, and all the family came together. One of his sons read a chapter, and shut the bible. He asked the two preachers if they had any remarks to make on what had been read. They said they had none. He then remarked on the different things recorded in the chapter, and made a suitable application, addressing himself to his children, who appeared to hear with attention and approbation. He then proposed for one to pray. Elder Leland prayed, and then each of the family went their ways. The practice of reading the scriptures in a family, when it can be done, is of great advantage to /158/ children and youth, as well as to the aged. The foundation laid in my mind for retaining the scriptures, was laid by hearing the scriptures read in my father's family, from year to year. Each one will generally remember some part of what is read. Elder Cornwall, who at that time was considered a man of considerable information, conversed freely, in the forenoon, upon various parts of the scriptures, which to me was both edifying and instructive. In the afternoon we went to the meeting-house, where several people had collected. Elder Leland preached first, from Gal. iii. 29, "And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise." As near as I now recollect, he shewed, 1. What it was to be Christ's. 2. The peculiar privileges of all such; which consisted in two things. 1. They were Abraham's seed. 2. They were heirs according to the promise. He spake well, and to the general satisfaction of those who heard. As soon as he had done, Elder Peak undertook to preach from Col. iv. 18. "Grace be with you." He endeavored, 1. To describe Grace. 2. To shew the meaning of "Grace be with you." He had but little understanding of the subject, and at that time not preaching grace enough to speak freely and profitably upon the subject, he labored to but little profit for about half an hour; and as he found he could not go on freely with the subject, he sat down, greatly mortified. All seemed to pity him, but this did not make up for the mortification he felt at that time. After meeting we /159/ went to Elder Cornwall's and tarried till the next morning. In the evening, Elder Cornwall conversed with him upon the subject of preaching, and told him he did not study enough, and that he ought to give himself more to the work. All this only added afflictions to the afflicted. Elder Peak wept, sobbed, sat sometime in silence, and almost concluded never to preach again. In the morning we set out for Chester, but Elder Peak had a sorrowful day. Sometime she wept, and lamented his ignorance and poverty, his being confined to his goose, lap-board, and shears, the straitened situation his family was then in. Sometimes he would ride behind us out of sight, for several miles; and at other times ride in our company, without saying much. We endeavored to comfort him, but for many hours, he refused to be comforted. Towards night he felt better, concluded he would improve what he had, bear his burden, preach, and make clothes; and wait for the Lord to prepare something better for him, if he thought it best. That night we arrived at Chester; the next day we went to Windsor, and the day following I walked on foot from there to Woodstock. I had been gone about three weeks, of which the school committee made no complaint. This journey was very profitable to me, as it gave me an acquaintance with many preachers, and brethren; and gave me an understanding of many things in the scriptures which before were unknown to me. Instead of being more contented in my school, /160/ my mind was the other way, and the duty of speaking publicly, pressed harder on me than before; and I felt about determined to consent for once to speak in public at the earnest and repeated request of my brethren and friends.

On the 19th of July, 1790, when I was twenty one years, one month, and four days old, I appointed a meeting at the house of Deacon Laurence, who lived in the corner of Woodstock or Hartland. This appointment made some talk, as many concluded it was impossible for me to preach, because, they said, I had never said much in my whole life; and they concluded, it was not likely I should say much then. Many times, after the meeting was appointed, I was heartily sorry that I had ever consented to it, but as it was appointed, I concluded to go, as it was in my mind, to be the first and last time. When the morning of that day came, the light to me was as the terrors of death. I went to the place appointed, and found a considerable number of people gathered, to hear what was to be said. After the usual form of beginning the meeting, I stood by the side of a low case of drawers, and read this for my text; John v. 39, "Search the scriptures." I mentioned seven particulars respecting the text. 1. The necessity of the scriptures. 2. The integrity of them. 3. The truth of the scriptures. 4. The evidence of their being from God. 5. The plainness of the scriptures. 6. The perfection of the scriptures. 7. The duty enjoined on all, which is to search the /161/ scriptures, because in them we think we have eternal life. These particulars I took up regularly, one after another, and illustrated them according to the best of my understanding at that time. I remained in about one position, through the whole time of speaking. My arm remained on the drawers, my feet in one place, and being easily daunted, I do not know that for once my eyes were on the assembly. After speaking about one hour, I sat down. After the meeting was closed, the people retired for about an hour, and came together to hear again of this matter. Some said at noon, "whence hath this man these things, having never known letters;" some said one thing and some another, though I believe the people, in general, thought it was my duty to speak publicly, and that it had been for some time. I told the brethren they must improve in the afternoon, as I had no more to say. They urged me hard to speak but I utterly refused, as I had no more to say, and meant to stop from that time. The afternoon was spent in singing, prayer and exhortation. At the close of the meeting they urged me so hard to meet with them the next first day, that I consented to appoint the meeting. I returned to my school, and through the week felt ashamed, mortified, vexed, and at times sorry that I had so exposed my ignorance in speaking, and my folly in appointing to go again; as my speaking made a general stir through that part of the town, and people in /162/ general were calculating to go to the next meeting.

When the day came, I went according to appointment, and almost the whole city came together to hear what the stripling had to say. My mind was very free while speaking upon the gospel of Christ; I spake forenoon and afternoon upon one text. Many were led to say, "Whence hath his man these things?" I now believe the Lord stood by me, and that his spirit helped me. The singular freedom I then enjoyed, encouraged me to appoint another meeting at the same place, which I attended and enjoyed some comfortable evidence that the Lord had called me to bear witness to the truth. Soon after this, the church to which I belonged, who met in the north part of the town, requested me to meet with them; which request I complied with. At the time of my appointment, a young man from Strafford, Vt. came to preach part of the day. He began the forenoon meeting, and read for his text John, iii. 17, "For God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved." His mind was much embarrassed, and after speaking twenty-five or thirty minutes, he sat down, being unable to go through the subject contained in the text. It appeared to me duty to speak a few words to the people, upon the text which they attentively heard, and after prayer the meeting was closed. In the afternoon, I endeavored to give the meaning of what is written in Psalm cxliv. /163/ 15. Whether justice was done to the subject or not, many rejoiced while hearing, and the church appeared fully convinced that the Lord had called me to preach the gospel. One brother, by the name of Cady, came to me and taking me by the hand, with tears in his eyes, said,

He encouraged me to go on, saying, God would surely help me in such a glorious work.

Soon after this, the church approbated me, and gave me a recommendation, as one whom they believed was called of God, to preach his Son among the Gentiles. These things sometimes encouraged me to speak in public, though the greater part of the time, excepting while speaking, my mind was greatly depressed, as it appeared to me impossible for one of my natural, spiritual and acquired abilities, to be called to such an important work.

Through the months of July, August, and the fore part of September, I continued my school, and attended meeting on Sundays, and generally spake once or twice. Some time in September, about two months after speaking the first time, Elder John Peak, invited me to go with him to what was then called the Coos country; as he was going to preach in several towns in that region. Having obtained leave to stop my school for three /164/ weeks, I sat out with him and his wife. Our first meeting was at the house of a brother by the name of Grow, in Hartland, Vt. who is now a baptist Preacher. Here I endeavored to preach from Psal. xlvi. 4, "There is a river the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God." From the appearance of the assembly, the people were better satisfied than I was. Elder Peak preached in Piermont the day after. From Piermont we rode to Landaff; and visited Elder Stephen Rice, a baptist preacher. He was a worthy, good, spiritual man, and one whom God had abundantly blest to the conversion of man in that part of the country. The winter before this, there was a general revival in that town, and a large number of old and young, were turned to the Lord; many were baptised by Elder Rice, and at the time we visited there, were very happy in the Lord. Soon after our arrival there a meeting was appointed for me, in a barn, as there was no other convenient place to meet. A considerable number of people met, for such a new country. Among the many was a clergyman by the name of Allen, who went by the name of one handed Allen, because he had lost one hand. He afterwards settled in Wolfborough, N. H. His appearance in the meeting greatly agitated my mind for a few minutes; for at that time I thought that a clergyman knew more than other men, though I have since learned that they are in general ignorant of the things of the spirit of /165/ God. Notwithstanding the tremor I was thrown into for a few minutes, my mind was free, and I was enabled to preach the gospel to the acceptance of those who heard. Being so young, people were more attentive to hear, than though the same things had been said by an older person.

After enjoying an pleasant season there, in public and private meetings, we returned to Haverhill, and attended meetings there, in Piermont and in Bradford. On the first day of the week, I spake to the people in Bradford; many attended, and though the word was sown in weakness, a blessing attended it. My mind was particularly led to speak upon the last judgment; this part of the subject caused great solemnity on the minds of many, and several, who afterwards related what God had done for them, dated their first awakening from that meeting.

From that meeting, we rode to Canaan, in the state of Newhampshire, to attend an association of the baptists, held there the last Wednesday of Sept. 1790. Here I met Elder Beckwith, of Marlow, a man I heard preach in Lyme, Conn. when about ten years old. Elder Thomas Baldwin who had been brought up in Canaan, and had that summer been preaching in Boston, attended the association, and there took his leave of the people, as he was soon to carry his family to Boston, no more to reside with them. Joshua Smith, who had been preaching in the east part of Newhampshire, attended at the same time. /166/ Also, two sisters came with him from Newmarket; who were sisters to her who afterwards was my first wife. From Joshua Smith and the sisters, Hannah, and Deborah Burley, I first heard of that part of the country and of the reformation in that region. They first gave me an invitation to visit the country where they lived, which invitation I accepted, and visited them the next spring. The meeting of so many Elders and brethren at this association, was a great blessing to me, and greatly encouraged me to improve publicly, according to the ability given me.

After the association closed, I returned home to Woodstock, and engaged to continue my school for three months ; and though in my journey, I had felt much encouraged to improve in public speaking, yet in a short time after my return, I felt resolved to speak no more in the name of Christ; not from want of love for him or his cause, but for want of what I considered suitable qualification for such an important work.

After giving up the idea of preaching any more, I became very unhappy indeed, and often considered myself the most wretched being on earth. It often appeared to me that it would not be so hard to submit to die, as it would be to submit to be a preacher. Sometimes I thought I would die rather than submit to such an employment.

For three weeks I remained silent, though constantly called upon from different directions to come and preach Christ to them. /167/ What increased my trouble was this; my mind ran freely upon the scriptures, so that I could frequently say, "I am full of matter," and the "the word was like a fire shut up in my bones, and I wished often to speak that I might be refreshed." At this time I attended Mr. Chapen's meeting, in my school house. Sometimes, after the people were gone out, I had a strong temptation to get under the house and there stay and die; that I might be out of that misery, endured by refusing to speak the word of the Lord.

Often I spake to my scholars, upon the scriptures, but fearing they would call it preaching, I would stop short of communicating what was in my mind. Frequently, when deep sleep was upon me, I would be in an assembly of people, preaching the gospel to them. When I awoke, these questions would often arise: Why am I so troubled about that I ought not to do? Why does my mind run thus upon the scriptures? Why am I preaching when asleep, and silent when awake? If it is right for me to remain in silence, why so troubled about it?

In the course of this time, Elder William Grow, the man who baptised me, came to my father's house, and asked my mother where Elias was. She replied, "He is keeping school." "How long," said he, "has he engaged for?" She replied, "for three months." He said, "He will not keep school three weeks." "Why?" said my mother. "Because," said he, "he has business there; /168/ he ought to be preaching; I shall pray him out of the school-house, for I pray for him every time I go into my closet, and God has promised me an answer to prayer."

At this time, several of my brethren told me it was wrong for me to hide my talent in the earth, when so many wished to hear me. My reply was, that after Peter had preached awhile, he left preaching and followed fishing until Jesus came and commanded him the second time; and that if ever I had an evidence of being commanded again, I would go and preach, otherwise I should attend to my school.

Three weeks from the time of beginning my school, and giving up preaching; on Monday evening, after much trouble of mind through the day, I dreamed that I was at the house of my uncle, George Ransom; that while sitting at his window, I saw a man riding, and leading a horse. The man appeared to me to be Samuel Stone, of Piermont, son of Major Stone, at whose house I had preached, when on the journey with Elder Peak. I dreamed that he came to the house and enquired for me. When he came into the room, I dreamed of asking him when he came from home, where he was bound, &c. He told me that he came after me to go to Bradford to preach; that my preaching was greatly blest there, and that his orders were not to return without me. I dreamed of telling him I could not go, as I had engaged a school; and further, that I had entirely done /169/ preaching, for three weeks. Being over-persuaded by him to go a few miles, I dreamed that he kept me along, until we both came to the house of Deacon Rowel, in Bradford, where I had attended meetings before. Also, in my dream I thought many people were gathered, expecting me, and that the bible and psalm book lay on the table, and that one of the brethren observed, that they were all before God to hear what he had to say to them by me. I dreamed that these things greatly affected me, and that while endeavoring to preach, the power of God was manifested, and myself, and the assembly, were convinced that the Lord had called me to preach in Bradford. When I awoke in the morning, my dream greatly affected me, but I concluded, as dreams came through the multitude of business, this must originate in that way, and so put it off as much as possible, at that time. I attended my school through the day, though with an heavy heart. When the afternoon school was done, I went to my uncle's house, where I dreamed the man came for me, and sat down by the window where I dreamed of seeing the man who came after me. I had not sat long before a man came round the end of the school-house, on an horse, leading another by his side. The moment he appeared in sight, my dream came to mind; but I concluded that could not possibly be the man dreamed of the night before. He had not advanced far toward the house, before I was convinced it was Samuel /170/ Stone, of whom I had dreamed. The sight of him greatly agitated my mind, as I was very certain he had come for me, though no such thing was mentioned when in that part of the country. My first thought was to secret myself; but I concluded to meet him boldly; but utterly refuse to go with him. After coming in and setting a short time, I asked him if was going a journey, or if he had been one. He replied that he came from home the day before, and that he had come for me to go to Bradford, and had orders not to return without me. I told him his tarry would in my view, be long if he waited for me. He then related to me the situation of the people in that part of the country, the effect my improvements had on the minds of many who heard, and also the earnest desire of the people to see me there again. My objection to his proposal was that I had given up the idea of preaching, and in addition to that had engaged a school, which I could not leave. He at once proposed to see the committee, hoping to gain their consent for me to be gone two weeks. He saw them, and they consented upon this condition, that I should go and visit them, and if I thought it duty when I returned to continue my school, to do so, if not, they would give up for me to leave the school to go and preach the everlasting gospel. One objection was now removed, but the greatest was in myself. I had done preaching in my own mind, and knew not how to begin again. From the time Mr. /171/ Stone came into the house, until I consented to go with him, this place of scripture pressed hard upon me, as though whispered to me by a kind friend: Acts, x. 20, "Go with them doubting nothing, for I have sent them." These words had a favorable operation upon my mind, and encouraged me to go with the man.

In the evening we went to my father's house, and laid the matter before my father and mother; they both concluded it best for me to go. On the morrow we set out and went as far as Hartford, about ten miles from Woodstock. My mind was much distressed on account of what was before me. I slept but little that night. In the morning we went on our way to Piermont. We stopped by the way to rest our horses, and in that time, in opening my bible, my eyes fixed first on these words: "And the souls of the people were discouraged, because of the way." This seemed to point out my case. While pursuing my journey through the day, I wept some, prayed some, talked a little, wished I had either continued preaching, or refused to go with the man. Just as the sun went down, we arrived at Major Stone's house in Piermont. He and his family were heartily glad to see me, and did every thing in their power to cheer my drooping spirits. At that time many things arose in my mind, calculated to trouble me. My youth, ignorance of letters, the world, the scriptures, and the work of preaching, all served to damp my mind. /172/ Among other things, that of obtaining a living in the world was of some weight with me. At that time I had not the most distant thought of ever being supported as a preacher. My former calculation was to preach what I could, and attend to my school for a living. At this time I was cut off from that. As I sat musing on these things, and considering the difficulties which might attend me as a stranger, and far from my father's house, I opened a bible which lay on the table near where I sat; the first words I looked at were these. Matthew xix. 29, "And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands for my name's sake, shall receive an hundred fold, and shall inherit everlasting life." As I had been taught that the scriptures had a spiritual meaning besides what they said, I concluded this could not be literally true; though experience taught me in a few years that Jesus meant as he said when he spake to his disciples; for from that day to this, I have found an hundred fold in all these things promised to the followers of the Lamb. There is no other business, excepting the work of preaching the gospel, that will cause a man to be treated as though he was in his own house, and among his relations. This is a great encouragement to the ministers of the gospel.

I arrived at Piermont, on Saturday. The next morning, we went across the river, to Bradford, to the house of Deacon Thomas /173/ Rowel. As I entered the door, I saw the table, bible, and psalm-book, in the same place where I dreamed they were. this struck my mind with great solemnity, as I believed it was the mind of God, for me to go there to preach. As I entered the room, a joy seemed to be diffused through the assembly. Though the people appeared glad, I was far from rejoicing. After singing and praying, I spake about half an hour, from Rom. x. 15, "And how shall they preach except they be sent?" My mind was led to speak of the great and important work of preaching, and the necessity of being sent of God, to do the work acceptably to God, and profitable to men. Nothing uncommon appeared in the assembly at that time, and my doubts as to the duty of preaching, were not in the least removed.

In the afternoon, I spake upon Heb. xiii. 2, "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers; in the following manner: 1. Described the strangers. 2. Considered the duty enjoined, which was to entertain them. In speaking upon the first particular, four kinds of strangers were mentioned. 1. Such as are in a country or place where they are unknown by the inhabitants, whom they know not. "Art though only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not known the things that are come to pass there in these days." Luke xxiv. 18. 2. Natural men. Eph. ii. 19, "Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners." 3. Saints. 1 Peter ii. 11, "Dearly beloved, /174/ I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims." 4. Jesus Christ. Matth. xxv. 35, "I was a stranger, and ye took me in." In speaking upon the second particular, I endeavored, according to my ability, to shew the duty men owed to all these strangers. Although I do not now think the author of the text had reference to all these strangers, yet they are all mentioned in the scriptures; and a preacher is always safe in preaching more than is in his text, if he does not preach more than is noted in the scriptures of truth. How many there are who not only tell more than is in their text, but more than is in the bible, and even contradict plain declarations, and wrest the scriptures to their own destruction; handling the word of God deceitfully!

In that meeting my mind was uncommonly enlarged, to my own astonishment, and of many who heard the word. There was such a flowing river, that I continued two hours in speaking, and my speech dropped upon them, and they waited for it, as for the rain. I was convinced then that nothing but the power of the spirit of God, could enable me to speak in such a manner. Viewing my own ignorance, I could say with Daniel, that there was nothing in me more than any man living; but there is a God in heaven that revealeth secrets. The assembly in general, were to appearance moved, as the trees are moved by the wind. Several were made sensible of their dangerous situations as strangers to God, and within a few weeks, became, by faith in /175/ Christ, fellow citizens with the saints, and of the household of God.

The enlargement of my mind, freedom of thought, ease in communicating, and power of truth which was then felt by me and many others, served at that time to remove all my doubts respecting being called of God to preach the gospel of Christ. Through the following week my mind was calm, and happy among the children of God, which whom I often met. The next first day, I attended a meeting at Piermont, and the week following returned to Woodstock, called my scholars together, and bid them an affectionate and final farewell as their school-master, expecting never more to meet them. This parting was trying to me, and grievous to the children and their parents. I then took my leave of parents, brethren, sisters, friends, house and land, and the town where I had endured and enjoyed more than in any other place on earth; and from that day to this, November 13, 1815, it has never been an home to me. The day of leaving my father's house for Christ's sake, to preach his gospel, with the promise of an hundred fold in this world, and life everlasting hereafter, I sung them the following hymn:

This was an affecting parting to us all, as we never expected again to live together on earth. Leaving my father's house, and all on earth I held dear, caused a great solemnity on my mind; but believing God had commanded me thus to do, I passed on my way with a solemn cheerfulness; hoping to turn many to righteousness, and at last to shine as the brightness of the firmament, and as the stars forever.

The second day after leaving my father's house, I arrived at Maj. Stone's, in Piermont, /177/ where I was heartily received as a messenger of peace, whom they believed was sent to publish salvation, and to say unto Zion, "Thy God reigneth."

At this time I was very poor, and destitute of every thing excepting one coarse suit of clothes, which I wore every day. My hat was quite old, my coat of serge thin, and my outside garment quite coarse and considerably worn. I had neither horse, saddle, or bridle; nor one cent of money on earth to call my own. I went out without either scrip or purse; had I owned them, they would have been useless. Though I had something to leave, there was nothing for me to loose, for I owned nothing in this world, excepting my few clothes, a bible, Osterwald's theology, Edwards history of redemption, and a few very small books; and being constantly employed, either in reading, travelling, or preaching, there was no time to work and earn any thing for myself. Many young preachers at this day, who give an evidence of being called to the work, sometimes think their lot is hard, when they own an horse, and many other things which I never thought of possessing at that time.

After spending a few weeks in Piermont, Bradford, and Haverhill, I journeyed on a borrowed horse to Bath, Landaff, and New- /178/ Concord, and endeavored to preach Christ among the people, according to the best of my ability. In Landaff, and the region round about, there had been a glorious revival of religion, under the preaching of Elder Stephen Royce, a man whom God delighted to honor. After a few days, I returned to Haverhill, and tarried till some time in December. Having been gone from my father's house about six or seven weeks, I felt a strong desire to visit them. One of the brethren, John Page, who now resides at Haverhill corner, lent me his horse, and Col. Huchins, gave me half a crown, which is 55 cents. This was the first money I ever received as a preacher, and it was then more to me than 55 dollars would now be. With this sum I set out for Woodstock. The first day I preached at William Dana's house, in Lebanon; and the second day arrived at my father's house. The distance from Haverhill to Woodstock is about fifty miles, which took me always two days to ride.

I was gone from Piermont about two weeks; and in that time, the enemies of the cross of Christ, raised their first evil reports about me. It was said that a certain Doctor S. reported that some very reproachful circumstances called me back to Woodstock. It was also reported that brother Page had lost his horse, and that his young minister had played him a trick, &c.

I returned from Woodstock at the time appointed, and was for some time much cast /179/ down, on account of the evil reports in circulation about me. This was what I had not calculated upon then. I then thought it trial enough to leave all to preach, without having such malicious lies circulated about me. Experience soon taught me the truth of this saying: Phil. i. 29, "For unto you it is give in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on his name, but also to suffer for his sake." From that day to this, twenty-five years, wicked men have been raging waves, foaming out their own shame; but having their bounds set, they have proceeded no further. They go not further than high water mark, break against the rock, and retire.

In the months of January, February and March, I was chiefly employed in reading and committing the new-testament to memory; with preaching about three or four times each week. Committing that book to memory, was a weariness to the flesh. I read other books some, was favored with an old and imperfect concordance, written by one Gouge, in the sixteenth or seventeenth century. This, with Canne's quotation bible, helped me to compare the scriptures together, and to understand the harmony there is between the prophecies and their accomplishment recorded in the new-testament.

By the middle of April, I had committed to memory almost every chapter, from the first of the Epistle to the Romans, to the last chapter of Revelation; and by being almost constantly employed for twenty-five years in /180/ reading, writing, or preaching the new-testament, the greater part remains fresh in memory to this day.

In the course of this winter, Elders Aaron Leland, from Chester, Vt. and Joseph Call, from Woodstock, visited me. Elder Leland was then the most popular preacher, among the baptists in that part of the country. His preaching had an encouraging effect on the people, and it much discouraged me. I looked to myself, when he was preaching as the ten spies did, when they stood before the sons of Anack; like grasshoppers. His preaching preached away my knowledge, voice and all; and while hearing him, I thought it would never do to try again.

At first I had no idea of systems of doctrine, as they are called. My work was like that of Michael, to shew the people that which was noted in the scriptures of truth. Of course I preached the gospel freely, to all who came to hear. Elder Leland was the first man who told me the necessity of a system of doctrine; which afterwards as so great a torment to me. Once, in his hearing, I spake upon Matth. xxi. 44, "And whosoever shall fall on this stone, shall be broken; but on whomsoever it shall fall, it shall grind him to powder." After meeting, as I was riding with him to Haverhill, he said, "you must have a system of doctrine; you have none now. You will find the necessity of being doctrinated." I told him of "Osterwald's theology;" this he recommended as an /181/ excellent thing. This book I once committed to memory, and it gave me the same knowledge of the scriptures, that the moon does of the light of the sun. If the sun makes the moon shine, surely the sun in sight, will give more light, than when out of sight it shines on the moon. This is the most I ever received from bodies and systems of divinity. What he said, took such hold of me, that it was laid up in my memory, and attended to afterwards, with many grievous consequences, which shall be noticed hereafter.

Elder Joseph Call, was what was called there a small preacher, though a good man. His preaching was blest to the comforting of many, as he came to Haverhill about the time the congregationalists separated from the baptists, and held their evening meetings in another house; and in addition to this, acted towards the baptists as persecutors sometimes act. At the first meeting after the separation, Elder Call preached at John Page's house, from these words: Hebrews x. 36. "For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise."

Some time in the winter, a man came there from Hawk, N. H. who belonged to the baptist church in Brentwood, where Dr. Samuel Shepard lived and preached. He gave me some account of the doctor, and the baptist brethren in that part of the country. This brother spake some in public, and in Bradford delivered a curious discourse upon the "Tree of Life," mentioned in Revelation /182/ xxii. 2, which bore twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month. As I then understood him, the tree meant Christ; and he said the tree had three roots to it, which were the three persons of the trinity. The tree and its branches being the humanity of Christ, which grew from the three roots. He said it was rooted in heaven and grew downwards, so that the boughs reached to the earth. The tree then appeared to me, wrong end upward, and so it looks now. Such preaching in that day was more acceptable than true. The brother meant well, though I do not believe such a tree ever existed, excepting in the imagination of such as are in a mistake. Among others who visited me that winter was my mother, her sister, and my uncle, (who caused me to be sprinkled,) and his wife. They tarried one night where I lived, and went to Lyman to visit some relations. While they were there, I had a meeting at the house of Samuel Way, who married a cousin of mine. My text was this: Hebrews ii. 3, "How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation?" The discourse upon the text was according to the best of my knowledge; but how near to the scriptures is not possible for me to tell. One thing I remember which was this; "that men would be lost, if they neglected the great salvation." After the people were gone, my uncle in the presence of the family, and the friends with us, asked me this question. "On what does the salvation of the sinner turn?" I could not then possibly /183/ give him an answer that would satisfy myself, and wished him to answer his own question. He observed, that it was true that men were commanded to repent and believe the gospel, and that they would be damned if they did not; and that their condemnation was for their wickedness; and it was said if they believed they should be saved; yet said he, this is not the turning point; for all do reject the gospel, and make light of it. Therefore the turning point of a sinner's salvation is this; "The electing love of God. All refuse, and some shall receive. This make it, I will, and you shall. If it was not for sovereign grace, and the compelling power of God, no one would be saved." Not knowing any better then, I supposed he was correct and my silence was consenting to his death doctrine for that time.

Through that winter, I had some happy refreshing seasons, and some trying scenes to pass through. Several, in the course of the winter, were happily converted, and rejoiced in hope of the glory of God. The greatest difficulties I had to encounter were within myself. Sometimes my mind would be so shut up, that it seemed impossible for me ever to speak publicly again; though I never met an assembly, without having something to say to them from the scriptures of truth. The most trying thing I endured, was that concerning my being born again. Some time in March, my mind was greatly troubled, fearing I was never born of the spirit; though /184/ I had before this been favored with such great and glorious manifestations of the spirit of God.

Such was the state of my mind in the fore part of April, that for three weeks, I did not pretend to preach, and concluded never to speak in public again, until I had an evidence of being born of the spirit. Though I had ever remembered the time, when the glory of God shone into my heart, yet I was often afraid, that was not what the bible called regeneration. For two or three weeks, I spent the greater part of my time in the fields or groves, in reading, praying, and examining whether I was in the faith or not; being determined to be satisfied for myself before I ever preached again. By comparing what was made manifest to me, what evidence was in myself, and the exercises of my mind, with what was said upon these things in the scriptures, it became a settled fact with me, that I had passed from death to life. Being thus established upon a point, which to me appeared of all the most important for a preacher of the gospel, I took fresh courage to preach that gospel which had been to me the power of God unto salvation. /185/

Close application to study through the winter, speaking often which fatigued me considerably, with trouble of mind, brought me very low, and many of my friends were much alarmed, fearing I should go into a decline. Consulting for my welfare, and usefulness, they concluded it best for me to journey to the east of Newhampshire; thinking that a relaxation from study, the sea air, change of climate, &c. might be beneficial.

The brethren in Bradford, Piermont, and Haverhill, contributed seven dollars and fifty cents, to bear my expence on the journey. The fifty-five cents, given me in November before, I kept till then, having no occasion to spent it until this journey. The people in that part of the country, had given me so much besides, as enabled me to purchace a watch, pair of boots, and some other small articles of clothing. Brother John Page gave me the journey of a poor cross horse, which answered well for me. In the month of April, 1791, when in my twenty-second year, I set out from Haverhill corner, for the eastern part of Newhampshire; having the September before, seen some young people from Newmarket who gave me an invitation to visit that part of the country.

My journey then seemed some like that of Jacob's, when he sat out alone, and journeyed through the wilderness towards Padan-Aram. /186/ My calculation was, to make a short visit in that part of the country; see the brethren, and return back to preach in Bradford, Haverhill, and the regions around. In Bradford the baptists were framing a meeting-house, which they meant to have ready for me to preach in at my return. The house stands unfinished to this day. The first day of leaving Haverhill, I rode to Rumney, about twenty miles from Haverhill. Here lived Elder Cotton Hanes, a baptist preacher, with whom I tarried that night. He received me courteously, and being well acquainted with the eastern part of Newhampshire, gave me directions in writing, as to the road to Newmarket, and where to find brethren to put up with on the way. the second day, Friday, I rode to Salisbury, N. H. and put up with Abel Morrill. His wife was a member of the baptist church in Brentwood. Being recommended to them by Elder Hanes, they kindly received me, and refreshed me according to my needs, and wished me to stop and preach with them; but my mind was to go farther. The next day I rode to Allenstown, and put up on Saturday evening at a tavern, kept by Ede Hall Burgin, a baptist brother. In Concord, ten miles from Allenstown, as I waited for the boat to cross the Merrimack river, a clergyman from Pembroke, near Concord, by the name of Zacheus Colby, came across the river to the side where I was waiting. As he came out of the boat, he looked earnestly at me and /187/ said, "Sir, I thought whether you were not a clergyman; I beg leave to ask." My only reply was, no.

A clergyman at that time, was almost as great an abomination to a baptist minister, as a shepherd was to the Egyptians in the days of Jacob. He said no more, but passed along, and I crossed the river, pleased to have no more to do with a clergyman besides saying, no. AT that time, I was uncommonly shy of a clergyman; for the old baptist ministers had told me some unfavorable things about them. They told me that when I saw a man dressed in black, called reverend; reading his notes; having a salary; taking property from others by force; and despising such as travelled and preached, &c. that such were the devil's ministers, and ought to be avoided. This I believed, and shuned them, and when I lived to see the baptist ministers making the same appearance; wearing the same titles; using notes; and taking a salary, that was forced from the people; the instructions they had given me, caused me to leave them and keep separate as I had from the clergy before them. Reflecting on the character of the clergy, I passed on to Allenstown. Though Elder Hanes had directed me to put up with brother burgin, I called at his house as a stranger, and asked for entertainment till Monday, which was readily granted. My horse was taken care of, and by my request a good supper provided for /188/ me. I began no conversation with the family, nor they with me for some time.

Not long after supper, there came in a very large, important looking man, who with an air of importance walked to the table, laid down his three cornered hat, gloves and whip, and walked towards the fire; a chair being handed him, he sat down. Soon after he sat down, Hall Burgin, son of Ede Hall Burgin, came in, and speaking, called him Mr. Remington. I soon found he was a clergyman from Candia, the town east of Allenstown; that he was going to supply Mr. Colby's place at Pembroke, and that another clergyman was to occupy his pulpit the next day. Seeing two clergymen in so short a time, I concluded they must be very plenty in that part of the country, if they were not useful. Living in Vermont, a climate not suited to their constitution (ignorance, bondage, oppression, and fleecing,) I had never seen but a few of them. As it was dark, and five miles from Pembroke, Hall Burgin asked him to tarry till morning, his father being absent; this invitation the clergyman readily accepted, took off his great coat, and sat down with the company.

As this was almost the first time of my being in the company of a clergyman, I was determined, if possible, to find out what kind of being a clergyman was. He had not set long before he began to talk with Nancy, a daughter of brother Burgin. His first conversation was about Joshua Smith, a young /189/ man who had the year before been remarkably blest in preaching in that part of the country. Next he mentioned Dr. Shepard, a baptist minister, who had preached and baptised in that part of the country. The whole family were attached to him, and Nancy with her parents and one brother and sister, were members of the church where he preached. His opposition to the Doctor was displeasing to the whole family, and caused Nancy and others of the family to raise some weighty arguments in his favor. He appeared to possess a bitter spirit against the Doctor, and the whole denomination of the baptists.

His next subject was baptism. He made many objections against baptism as described in the new-testament, which Nancy answered in a scriptural manner. He said considerable against new-testament baptism, and in favor of sprinkling children. She urged him to produce a command or example from the new-testament, that an infant was ever sprinkled or baptised. This he could not do; but undertook to prove it from circumcision. He stated something like this: "Abraham was a believer and circumcised his children; believers are commanded to do as Abraham did; therefore believers ought to have their children baptised, after the example of Abraham who circumcised his children." This kind of false argument looked so glaring to me, that I thought it duty to let him and the family know I was awake, and instantly raised up my head from my arm, and stated to Mr. /190/ Remington that his propositions respecting infant baptism were false, and that they could not be supported by the scriptures, not the rules of logic. He was not a little moved at such an attack from one whom he though had been asleep during the time of his discourse with Nancy. My speech with him drew the attention of the family to hear what the stranger had to say upon the subject. My mind was prepared to converse with him, having previously heard his arguments, and found him not of all the most accomplished, as to natural, acquired, or spiritual abilities.

He again insisted on the correctness of his statements, as to Abraham and circumcision. I then said, "Sir, you make false sylogism." He said, "Do you understand logic?" I said, "My understanding of it is such as to know when a man makes false sylogisms." He paused a little at this. I then said, "Sir I can better prove from plain scriptures put together, that you ought immediately to hang yourself, than you have proved infant baptism from circumcision." Said he, "You cannot do this, if you can I will give up." I then stated this to him: "And cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself." "Is this scripture?" "Yes," replied he. "What thou doest, do quickly." "Well," said he, "you have made it out." I then said, "Do you from this believe you ought to hang yourself?" He /191/ said, "No I do not." My reply was, "Neither do I believe in infant sprinkling from your manner of proving it from circumcision, which has no reference to any kind of baptism."

The subject of hanging, placed the clergyman in a state of suspence, and there he hung the remainder of the evening, and perhaps till he died, which was sometime in the year 1814. Before we retired, he delivered a kind of cold formal prayer, as it seemed to me. When we went into the room where we slept, he stated to me that he was thoroughly acquainted with theology, or systematic divinity, and was not afraid of being examined by any man, as he considered himself qualified to preach the gospel. To this I made no reply; but we slept in greater harmony than his propositions ever were respecting sprinkling children. As he went away early in the morning, we had no more conversation at that time. My proving that he ought to hang himself, or some other cause, fixed a distaste in his mind against me, which he retained to the day of his death, or near that time, as I have frequently been informed.

After the conversation with Mr. Remington was ended, some of the family asked me if I was a preacher. I told them that I had sometimes spoken in public. They requested me to preach there the next day, as they /192/ could notify the people in the morning. This was agreed on, and by meeting time, people were notified for several miles around. A considerable number came to hear the stranger, and were very attentive to hear the word. Several young people, who had lately been converted to God, spake in the assembly, and greatly comforted and confirmed my mind. On leaving Haverhill for the eastern part of the state, I expected to preach but little, and only to a few in some obscure corner; thinking that my knowledge, ability, and experience was such as to prevent my being much known in that part of the country; and at this meeting I was surprised to see the attention of the people, for they heard as if all said was entirely new to them. The meeting closed in a solemn and affecting manner, while many said we never heard such things before. In the evening, brother Burgin returned from Deerfield, having heard of the meeting. As I was determined to go on my journey on Monday, he proposed to go with me to Newmarket. This proposal was very acceptable to me, being a stranger to the way, the country, and the people.

He was a man who had professed religion for many years; was of the baptist denomination, and had ever been an honor to that religion he professed; though often cast down with doubts and fears respecting himself. His wife and children thought the journey would be profitable, and encouraged him to go. Monday forenoon we rode to Deerfield; had /193/ a meeting at Enos Sanborn's house, and the next day at the baptist meeting-house. Wednesday morning we sat out for Newmarket, and arrived at the house of Josiah Burley, about two o'clock, P.M. All the family, excepting his wife, had gone to a meeting at Broadstreet Gilman's house, about one mile off. We took some refreshment, and went to the meeting. When we came into the house, a freewill baptist by the name of Daniel Lord, was speaking to the people, who were very attentive to hear him. After he had done, several men and women spake by exhortation, and many possessed joy unspeakable and full of glory. They sung several new hymns, which were refreshing to me. Brother Burgin told the man of the house, he had a preacher with him. He asked me to close the meeting by prayer; this ended the meeting. A meeting was appointed for me the next day at Josiah Burley's house, where we returned and tarried that night. This was the first house I put up at in that part of the country. this house was my home about twenty years; even from that day till the man and his wife both died. He afterwards became my father-in-law, and continued his friendship till death. This was the most remarkable family I had then ever seen. The man, his wife, four daughters, hired man, and a lad of about twelve years old, all gave an evidence of being converted to God. The first evening I was there, they sung, prayed, and conversed /194/ freely upon the things of the kingdom of peace.

The next morning, I was awakened by the sound of some one praying, and the service of God engaged the minds of the whole family. At the meeting the next day, a large number of people attended, and it was to me an heavenly place in Christ Jesus. At this meeting Richard Martin, of Lee, who is now a preacher in Gilford, spake first in public, and declared what God had done for him. The Lord enabled me to preach his gospel to the poor. It was a strange thing to me, to see so many come so far to hear a lad speak, as I was then twenty-one years and nearly eleven months old; and considered myself the least of all who ever undertook to preach Christ.

At the close of the meeting, several of the brethren requested me to preach the next first day at Dr. Shepard's meeting-house in Epping. As I had never spoken in a meeting-house, it was with much persuasion that they gained my consent to make the appointment. After much importunity, I consented to appoint the meeting. Being feeble, and in a low state of health, I had no more meetings that week. From that time till the next meeting, my mind was completely troubled about the meeting, and how I should be able to speak to the people. This difficulty has attended me from that day to this. When I have spoken once, I generally feel as though it was the last time of speaking. When /195/ young, I expected to outgrow this difficulty; but have not to this day. This text has been proved to me true, again and again: "Without me, ye can do nothing." And this I have also proved true: "I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me."

On the first day of the week, the most people came together, I had ever spoken to before. When I entered the pulpit, trembling took hold on me, while looking at the pulpit, the people, and the importance of the business I was entering upon. The place of scripture I spake upon was this: Mark xvi. 15,16, "And he said unto them, go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature, he that believeth, and is baptised, shall be saved; but he that believeth not, shall be damned."

The word had a remarkable effect on those who heard; such as I had never before seen while speaking to an assembly. Among the many who attended, was a deist by the name of Zebulon Dow. Before this meeting, he thought himself proof against all contained in the bible; but in this meeting, he, like Goliath fell before an inferior, even a youth. In the afternoon, I spake upon Isaiah xxxiii. 20, "Look upon Zion the city of our solemnities." This afforded a subject of consolation to the followers of the Lamb. At this meeting, several from Lee, a town about four miles from Epping, earnestly requested me to preach there the next sabbath day. This request I complied with and gave public notice of the same. /196/

After meeting, we went to Brentwood to see Dr. Shephard, the baptist minister, of whom I had heard so much. He receive us kindly, and we tarried with him that night. The memebers of that church held an annual meeting on the first Monday in May, for the purpose of attending to the temporal affairs of the church. As that meeting was appointed the next day in Salisbury, Mass. the Doctor invited us to attend, as the brethren from different parts would have an opportunity of forming an acquaintance with me. Monday morning we set out early, and came to the place at ten o'clock, the hour appointed. The Doctor talked all the way; I heard and retained all I could, without exposing much of my ignorance.

After the business of the meeting was over, it was proposed for me to preach. This proposal I complied with, in much fear and trembling. In the first of the meeting Dr. Shepard looked great to me, as I considered him possessed of great knowledge and myself very ignorant. I had not spoken long, before all my fear of him was gone. While speaking, he wept, smiled, laughed, groaned, said Amen, rose up, sat down, took off his wig, put it first on one side of his head, then on the other, and through the whole manifested his approbation of what was said. In that meeting, Jesus came down "like rain upon the mown grass." That night I put up with the Doctor at David Carrier's house, at a place called Amesbury mills, where the same man now lives. /197/

Tuesday, I rode to Stratham, a town near Newmarket, with an old brother by the name of Stephen Piper, tarried at his house that night, and preached at Deacon Moses Clark's, in that vicinity the next day, and at the baptist meeting-house on Thursday. In this town, Joshua Smith's preaching had been greatly blest, and an happy company of the youth were converted to God, with whom I was very happy during my stay with them.

While at Stratham, the brethren proposed to me to tarry in that part of the country, instead of the Coos country, where I had lived the winter before. Being wholly at liberty, I concluded to comply with their request, if they would provide me with an horse that I might return to Haverhill, deliver up the horse I then had, go to Woodstock, and return. This was agreed on at once, and on Friday, took Deacon Clark's horse, and went to Newmarket; Saturday went to Lee, according to appointment.

On the first day of the week, more people met than were at Epping the week before. They came from all quarters. My mind was greatly agitated while viewing the assembly which was composed of all ranks of people. What gave me the most unpleasant sensation was, to see an old man come into the pulpit with a large white wig upon his head. His presence made me tremble, as I had ever thought that ministers with white wigs were knowing men. I endeavored to trust in the Lord, and preach the preaching he bid me. I spake in /198/ the forenoon from 2 Cor. v. 17, Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature." In the afternoon from Deut. xxxii. 2, "My doctrine shall drop as the rain, my speech shall distil like the dew, as the small rain upon the tender herb, and the showers upon the grass." This was a time of refreshing from the presence of the Lord. The brethren at Stratham gave me something to help me on my way, and the people at Lee did the same; and on Monday I set out for Coos, and Vermont; having one horse to ride, and another to lead.

Brother Burgin attended me through the greater part of this tour, and was so revived in his mind, and confirmed as to his evidence of being born of God, that when he returned home he told his wife he should never doubt again. I put up with him on Monday evening; and as the Newhampshire baptist association was to be holden in Brentwood, the second Wednesday in the next month, (June,) I appointed to preach at his house the Sunday before that time, and went on my way the next day. I had but three or four weeks to perform my journey in, to be there by the time appointed. I went first to Haverhill, N. H. and delivered up the horse I rode, told the brethren the open door there was for me to preach in Stratham, and the regions around; and though it was disagreeable to them for me to leave that region, yet believing it duty, they gave me their fellowship in it, and a letter commending me to the brethren there as a brother, and /199/ preacher of the gospel. From Bradford, I went to Woodstock, and related to my parents what had taken place, took my leave of them, returned to Haverhill, stayed a few days, and on Thursday before my appointment at Allenstown, set out in company with Elder Stephen Royce, for the eastern part of the state. We had a pleasant journey: arrived at Allenstown on Saturday afternoon; were kindly received by Brother Burgin and all his family. His house from that day to this, has ever been one of the hundred fold promised me when I first left all for Christ.